Relationships

The Problem With Being Feminine In 2021

By Julie Mastrine··  7 min read
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The Problem With Being Feminine In 2021

Feminine women in 2021 are faced with a bit of a conundrum.

We want to attract a masculine man – someone who is virtuous, has a strong moral compass, is self-disciplined, wants to protect and provide, is willing to make sacrifices, and believes in monogamy and commitment. In order to do that, we know we need to embrace our natural femininity – to be compassionate, nurturing, nice, and easygoing, and to avoid being aggressive, domineering, or trying to take the lead.

The problem? There’s a huge shortage of honorable, masculine men nowadays, and being feminine around emasculated men only hurts us.

In fact, it can feel downright unsafe for women to be feminine when so many of the men around us aren’t worthy of our trust or submission. It’s hard to imagine ourselves being receptive, sweet, and willing to be led when many men these days lack a strong moral compass and will lead us to dark places if we let them.

Thankfully, there’s a right and a wrong way for women to respond to the weak men conundrum and still retain their femininity.

Embracing Femininity Is Hard To Do around Emasculated Men

Modern society has sadly not molded many men into honorable people. A lack of good men makes feminine women particularly vulnerable, as our natural desire to be led and to submit can mean we end up in bad places. And while it can be tempting to fill the void by becoming more masculine in order to protect ourselves, it’s not the way to go.

Women are only truly free to be feminine around good men who have strong moral boundaries. Only when men are honorable and oriented toward protecting us and ensuring our emotional, spiritual, and physical safety are we free to embrace our soft, submissive, and sweet feminine nature. 

Women are only truly free to be feminine around good men who have strong moral boundaries.

Yet many modern men have absorbed feminist ideas and believe women ought to be entirely independent and sexually liberated. As a result, men have dismissed the idea that they bear any duty toward women’s care and well-being. Many of them enjoy casual sex and female companionship without offering any commitment or protection in return.

Emasculated men see no issues with hooking up and watching porn. It’s even become disgustingly common for them to try to convince their wives and girlfriends that they should let him have a threesome or an open relationship. They see no issue with letting their girlfriend live with them when they aren’t engaged, or with their girl walking home alone in a sketchy neighborhood or working multiple jobs to pay the bills.

Men like this are not honorable. Instead of working to alleviate the burdens that come with femininity – physical and sexual vulnerability, risk of pregnancy, childcare – they let women endure it all on their own. It’s only when men take on these duties and are honorable and moral that women feel comfortable submitting to their lead, being sweet and giving back. 

Many women think that because they can’t trust men to lead, they must rely only on themselves.

Yet many women respond to the problem of emasculated men by becoming more masculine themselves. They try to protect themselves from the lack of male virtue by bossing men around, being the dominant partner, leading the way, or becoming disagreeable and aggressive. They think that because they can’t trust men to lead, they must rely only on themselves. But it’s not good for women to respond to the weak men problem this way. Becoming more masculine only hurts our ability to form healthy relationships with men in the long run.

There is another solution.

Learn To Be Discerning and Say No

It’s all well and good to encourage women to be feminine, submissive, and accommodating – but not if it means we’re pushing them to submit to unworthy men. Being feminine doesn’t mean being a doormat or accepting anything that comes your way. Truly feminine women are extremely discerning and have strong boundaries, so they can select a man who is truly worth being with.

We can protect ourselves from weak and bad men without sacrificing our sweetness and femininity. A crucial aspect of being feminine requires women to be highly selective, judgmental of men, and able to say no and mean it. 

Truly feminine women are extremely discerning and have strong boundaries.

Knowing how to spot and weed out immature, emasculated, self-serving men is key in a world that no longer protects feminine women from the worst of male instincts.

Our parents and the culture at large are no longer going to help do it for us. The culture no longer shames casual sex or men who refuse to stop watching porn, get a good job, and take care of the people around them. Many parents are uninvolved in learning about who their children are dating, and even seem uninterested in whether they get married at all, due to a culture in which independence and a life lived for the self have been elevated to the highest value. We’re largely on our own here – but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.

There are good men who haven’t given in to the culture, or who have learned the hard way that the culture will only subvert them. Men who believe in duty, virtue, and honor. Women can learn how to spot these men and say no to the ones who aren’t worthwhile.

How To Identify a Good Man

First of all, women need to consciously refuse casual sex or sleeping with a man early on when dating. This will weed out unserious Peter Pan types who aren’t seeking commitment and who refuse to protect women from emotional hurt or the risks of pregnancy. Many men will take advantage of a hookup culture that tells them they don’t need to court a woman or commit to her before sleeping with her – but we can hold a boundary and refuse to date men with this mentality. There are good men out there who will welcome that we want to wait because they’re looking for a commitment too.

First of all, women need to consciously refuse casual sex.

There are lots of questions you should consider in order to suss out a man’s character. As you date and get to know someone, ask yourself: Does he display a strong sense of right and wrong? Does he pressure you to get physical early? Does he offer to pay for your meal? Does he have a good job? What’s his relationship like with his family? How does he speak about his parents? Does he drink too much or flare up with anger? What is his spiritual life – does he go to church? What’s his lifestyle – does he eat well and go to the gym? Does he display a capacity for self-reflection? Does he show that he cares about your safety, by walking you home or sticking close by when you’re out late at night? Do you have the same goals, values, and priorities?

Asking these questions can help you to weed out bad and incompatible men and to draw a boundary when necessary. Eventually, you will find a man worth submitting to

Closing Thoughts

The problem with being feminine in 2021 is that there’s a lack of worthy, masculine men to submit to. It can feel scary to be vulnerable and feminine in a world where men are no longer concerned with morality and our well-being – but plenty of good men do exist. We just have to exercise strong boundaries and discernment in order to find them.

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