Where Have All The Good Men Gone? Actually, They're Everywhere

“Where have all the good men gone?”

By Ashley Pariseau3 min read
Shutterstock/Look Studio

We’ve seen this question a lot from today's modern women. We’ve also heard similar complaints. “Good men are so hard to find!” “There are no good, available men left anywhere!”

Is the Current Dating Culture Really As Bad As Women Say?

The dating market has definitely changed in the last couple of decades with the rise of internet culture and dating apps such as Tinder, Bumble, and OkCupid. As a result, it seems that hooking up and other non-monogamous relationships have become the standard among Millennial and Gen Z singles. 

Additionally, with the increase in online anonymity along with greater social polarization, it seems there might be a general erosion of good behavior and politeness in our modern culture. 

These things are perhaps part of what has women asking where all the good men are. But is it true that there are really no good men left and men are to blame? Or could there be something else going on?

There are more single people than ever before, so the number of available men isn't the problem. 

Looking at it from a different perspective, it's worth considering whether or not women and their choices have an impact on why things are the way they are. One could just as easily argue that if you have to ask where all the good men have gone, it could be you that’s part of the problem. 

Statistically, there are more people in the world than ever before, including more single people than ever before. Clearly, the number of available men isn't the problem. 

And, in spite of what some communities, such as the men's right movement, MGTOW, and the “manosphere” suggest, research shows that men and women are pretty close to being equally interested in long-term relationships and marriage. 

We know the men are there and they’re interested, so why do women still think decent men are in short supply? 

Mindset Matters 

Right away, this brings us to question these women's way of thinking and how they view men versus how they view themselves

In general, women have an advantage over men when it comes to dating because they have a greater sum of interested and available dating prospects than men have. When a woman creates a dating profile, she’s immediately bombarded with hundreds of messages from guys vying for her attention. For men, this doesn't happen at nearly the same rate or frequency.

Women have an advantage over men because they have more interested and available dating prospects.

The women who think there are no good men left are operating with a scarcity mindset when they should be adopting an abundance mindset. A negative mindset will predominantly affect how you see any given situation, often preventing you from seeing reality, which will have an impact on your overall outcome. 

Standards Also Matter

Another thing to look at is a woman's qualifiers when evaluating a man for potential

Many ladies may primarily determine a man as a good catch based on exterior criteria they can spot right away. This usually means that we have the tendency to focus first on his physical appearance, what kind of job or career he has, his annual salary, what kind of car he drives, etc. 

But how well do these things really define a good man? The answer is: They don't. 

Make no mistake, these characteristics are nice to have, but they shouldn't be the primary focus of a man's value or potential as a partner. The makings of a fine man are not found with his outer possessions, but they are within his inner character. 

The makings of a fine man are not found with his outer possessions, but they are within his inner character. 

While there are some men who might complain that a woman's standards are too high, it might actually be that their standards are actually just misplaced. 

A good man is polite, agreeable, and loyal. He’s also charming, confident, and virtuous. He will treat you with respect and honor your boundaries and self-autonomy. He will trust you wholeheartedly and be worthy of your trust as well.  He'll celebrate your accomplishments and look for ways to be supportive. 

As women, it’s imperative that we learn to look inside a man, rather than just looking at him. We must understand what to look for because it's his internal characteristics that make him who he really is. 

Laying It on the Line Is Important 

Too often, a woman will find a guy she’s attracted to, but instead of being assertive about her desire for a serious relationship, she plays along in a casual and non-monogamous situationship. Secretly though, she wants more exclusivity, but she’s worried saying so might scare him away. She'll buy into his excuses about “seeing where things go,” hoping it someday leads to something more serious. Months will go by, and she's still left wondering whether or not he's seeing other people

Tell him you don’t do non-monogamous relationships for the long term.

Any woman in this position would be wise to declare she doesn't do non-monogamous relationships for the long term. If he doesn't agree to that, then it's time to walk away. It's important to filter for men who are relationship-minded and leave the players on “read.” You don't want to waste time on having relationships with guys who aren't on your page when there are a hundred opportunities for men who will commit to you without hesitation. 

Closing Thoughts

As women in today's culture, we have to stop constantly asking the tired old question, “Where have all the good men gone?” We have to get to the point where anyone can say with confidence, “Yes, there are a lot of good men out there in the world, with high moral character, good intentions, who treat me with respect, because I am worthy of it. I'm going to make sure I meet them, rather than just shifting the blame to someone or something else.”  

It starts with us. We must get rid of the scarcity mindset and embrace the abundance we naturally have as women. We must avoid the “men are trash” sentiments (looking at you, Tomi Lahren!) and instead learn to properly qualify a man for his character, attitude, and behavior rather than just his looks, wealth, or status. We have to learn how to better assert ourselves about what kind of relationships we want, and be willing to walk away if necessary. 

There are plenty of good men out there. They aren't perfect. They're human just like us, but good men definitely do exist.