Have you ever dated a man who brought out the best in you?
Imagine a relationship where you feel peace, safe in his presence, you’re joyful, you find yourself more personally confident, and you are consistently moving in a positive direction together. You don’t have to compromise your values to be with him. Better yet, he encourages you, sees the beauty in you, and inspires you to be a better woman. A woman you really like.
So what’s the secret for this type of relationship?
The secret is in the qualities of the man you choose to pursue a relationship with.
As little girls we read of Prince Charming, watch fairytales, and dream of happily ever after. Fast forward a couple decades later, and while we know Prince Charming is only a fictional character, the ideal is not lost. We gather in front of the TV, wine in hand, and fantasize through every Rom-Com and reality love show that good men are still out there.
At the same time, our culture has trained women to set the bar low and settle for less in their dating lives. For some, they believe the lie that they should be completely self-reliant. This type of woman doesn’t need a man (and certainly doesn’t need to be rescued by one!). Another type of woman is one who makes excuses for every guy who doesn’t even come close to meeting her standards, reassuring herself that “no one's perfect.” Unfortunately, both personas are unattractive and result in women resigning themselves to miserable relationships.
Our culture has trained women to set the bar low and settle for less in their dating lives. For some, they believe the lie that they should be completely self-reliant.
Prince Charming may not exist, but women aren’t looking for a guy to ride up on a white horse and save the day. (Although would that really be so bad?) What we are really looking for is a guy who possesses qualities that we all want in a partner but are afraid to demand. Whatever the cause, many of us dismiss what we truly want and, more importantly, what we truly need in a relationship. While it’s true that no man is perfect, it doesn’t mean that no man is good. There are good men; the key is knowing what qualities to look for.
A good man is selfless.
What is love in the first place? Love is genuinely wanting the best for another with all your heart. It has only pure intentions that are free from selfish desires. One important quality of a good man is selflessness. Is he there for you when you need him, even when it’s inconvenient? Does he put your needs above his own? Does he consider your feelings when making his decisions? Tony Robbins once said, “The quality of your life is in the quality of your relationships. A relationship is not a place you go to get, it’s a place you go to give.” Selflessness is a quiet strength. A good man will give of himself for your good - taking care of your mind, heart, body, and soul.
“The quality of your life is in the quality of your relationships. A relationship is not a place you go to get, it’s a place you go to give.” - Tony Robbins
A good man is disciplined.
A disciplined man knows what he wants and acts on it. You can desire a man, and even love a man, who doesn’t have self-discipline, but you should never settle for him. If a guy can’t exhibit discipline in his actions (not just his words), he will never be able to exercise discipline in his personal relationships. If you’re unsure whether or not a guy is disciplined, just look at his lifestyle and his appetites. Is he goal oriented? Does he work hard? Is he a slave to his emotions, or a slave to his vices? A good man shows self-control, doesn’t fear accountability, and practices healthy habits instead of destructive behavior.
A good man is virtuous.
When looking for a good man, you have to figure out what’s important to him early on. What are his priorities? What are his beliefs? Does he want commitment, marriage, and eventually kids? Are your values in line with his? If you don’t even know the answers to these questions, then you couldn’t possibly truly know him or if he is right for you. A good man, regardless of anything else, must be virtuous. Important virtues include honesty, compassion, courage, prudence, temperance, humility, kindness, and generosity. A good man for you is one whose virtues bring out the best in you. This is what develops that sense of “I like who I am when I’m with him.”
Want to attract a virtuous man? Become a virtuous woman. A good woman radiates her worth by expressing her standards and upholding them (FYI, it’s also super hot). There is a wise old saying that “what you allow, will continue.” So no more excuses, stop settling for losers, be picky about the important things, and don’t waste your time on any man who isn’t a good one.