So, there’s this guy… you like him, think he’s cute, and could see yourself dating him. But does he actually want to date you, or is he only looking for a hookup?
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if every guy we dated was totally straightforward about what he was looking for? If he texted us back as soon as he saw our message, didn’t wait three days after the first date to reach out again, or didn’t leave us second guessing what he thinks of us?
Alas, much of dating is nowhere near that — especially since a good portion of our courtship is done over text, social media, or dating apps, making it that much harder to get a proper read on someone. It can be difficult to tell the good guys apart from the not-so-good ones, to spot the red flag that a guy might just be telling us what we want to hear, or suss out the guys who are solely interested in hooking up with us.
So what are the warning signs that a guy is only in it for the sex?
He Only Makes Plans at Night
We all love a good movie and dinner date, right? There’s a reason first dates are typically at night — we get to dress up a little and enjoy a lowkey dinner, or wander the moonlit streets with our date. But if a guy insists on only ever hanging out at night, something’s amiss.
He’s trying to establish a relationship that always presents the possibility of sex by the end of the date.
If a guy is only ever willing to see us at night, it means he’s hoping the night will end up back at his place — an outcome that typically doesn’t occur after a picnic date in broad daylight. While it’s fun to go on proper dates at night, if he’s unwilling to see us during the day, then he’s trying to establish a relationship that always presents the possibility of sex by the end of the date.
He Constantly Focuses on the Physical
No one doesn’t appreciate a compliment — we love to hear how gorgeous we look, that our dress looks incredible on us, or that he can’t take his eyes off us. We have to feel wanted by whoever we date, but some guys end up taking it a little too far.
When every single one of a guy’s compliments are about our physical appearance, or if he’s constantly attempting to break down physical barriers, touching us more than is comfortable or flirting with us hardcore, then he isn’t telling us that we’re so beautiful he just can’t help himself. He’s letting us know that the most important thing to him in a romantic relationship is being physical, and that he sees us as something physical for him to use, rather than a woman worth his respect.
You Feel Like Something Is Missing
One of the best parts of being in a relationship is knowing that we always have someone to talk to and to lean on. We all crave to be with someone we love spending hours with, but who also never makes us feel alone, even when we’re not with them — we know that we have someone to do life with. But sometimes, this isn’t the case.
Guys uninterested in commitment tend to operate from an “out of sight, out of mind” mentality.
Ever feel like, despite spending hours with a guy, you feel incredibly lonely the moment he’s gone? Guys who aren’t interested in a committed relationship tend to operate from an “out of sight, out of mind” mentality, leaving us to feel that something is missing from the relationship — and that something is commitment. Without him even expressing it, we know we can’t truly count on him to be there.
He Keeps You at Arm’s Length
Every new relationship is full of firsts — the first kiss, the first walk in the park, the first dinner date at home. Eventually, they’ll reach the point of meeting his friends and family for the first time. But what if he doesn’t want you to meet them, or doesn’t want to meet the people in your life?
Spending the time and energy meeting someone’s loved ones means we’re investing more fully in the relationship, so if a guy keeps putting off taking this step, or is even secretive about his life beyond what we know, then he’s choosing not to devote more of himself to the relationship because he doesn’t see us as more than a sexual conquest.
He Doesn’t Show Interest in Knowing You
In the early days of a budding relationship, everything about this person is new and worth discovering. We want to know about their childhood, their family’s quirks, what kind of friends they have, their biggest dreams, what makes them laugh until they cry, how they take their coffee. That is, if we’re legitimately interested in pursuing a relationship.
Anything he asks about us isn’t to make us feel known, but for him to gain something from it.
When a guy doesn’t show much interest in knowing us beyond what our drink order is or what we like to watch on Netflix, then he’s only looking for the information that will benefit him that night, instead of being genuinely curious about who we are because he desires to know us fully and authentically. Anything he asks about us isn’t to make us feel known, but for him to gain something from it.
It can be hurtful to realize the guy we’re seeing is only interested in a night with our body — but it’s also empowering and crucial to know the warning signs of this type of guy, a guy who’s not worth a single moment of our time and will only cause us confusion and hurt when all is said and done.
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