How To Take The Feminine Approach To Dating

A lot of women want to snag a masculine man but have no idea how to go about it. But after a lifetime of misguided dating advice, we often end up attracting only weak, effeminate men we don’t respect.

By Julie Mastrine4 min read
How To Take The Feminine Approach To Dating

The truth is, the best way to attract a masculine man is to be feminine. Yet conventional wisdom tells women to do the opposite — to be domineering and aggressive, to become indignant when men act chivalrous, to have casual sex, to be the leader and instigator in all situations. In short, it shapes women into people who embody masculine energy — which repels masculine men.

We can see the result of this in many relationships gone wrong. Many women are domineering, nagging, and resentful towards their submissive boyfriends. Deep down, these women want to be the submissive one, to have a man they can rely on to take charge when necessary, yet they have unconsciously attracted a submissive or weak man who won’t step up. As a result, the woman is forced to lead and dominate; they don’t respect him and become deeply unhappy.

Conventional dating advice encourages women to embody masculine energy—which repels masculine men.

Masculinity and femininity have a complementary nature. They work together to create a harmonious pair. Here’s how feminine women date to attract a masculine man.

Don’t Pursue Him — Let Him Lead 

Avoid approaching a man first, asking for his number or asking him out on a date. The goal is to attract a man to you and let him do the pursuing.

You can flirt and give subtle yet clear cues to let him know you're interested and invite him to approach — often without saying a word. For example, smile and maintain prolonged eye contact from across the room, keeping eye contact for at least three seconds. Or touch his arm lightly when you're chatting with him. If you're flirting over social media, comment on his posts or DM him the occasional funny video. 

Let him lead. For the first few weeks, let him call and text first, choose the dates, and plan what you’ll do together. Once you're comfortable with him, let him drive to pick you up. You want to see if he's able to act decisively, so leave him room to demonstrate this trait early on. If he seems noncommunicative, indecisive, won’t move things forward, or won’t plan dates, he’s either uninterested or wanting you to take the lead — and that’s not the kind of guy you want.

You want to see if he's able to act decisively.

This advice can seem counterintuitive in a culture that says women can do anything men can do. Of course women can do anything men can do — but it doesn’t mean they ought to. Lots of modern movies show women being the ones who approach first. This is billed as “empowering,” but it’s not the most effective strategy if you're looking for a masculine guy. If we pursue and lead early on, we’re more likely to end up with a submissive man (and who wants that?!). 

Let Him Provide  

Men and women are all supposed to be "equal" these days, and that means splitting everything 50/50 on dates. The thinking is that since women make their own money now, men shouldn’t be expected to provide. Providing for a man — even just half — is the opposite of embodying feminine energy. Plus, masculine men want to fill the role of provider. They’re not looking for a business partner.

Feminine women avoid the urge to be the provider early on in other ways, too. Don’t provide your date with money, buy him presents, head over to his house to give him backrubs, or give casual sex. Let him pay for her food and thank him graciously. Here's how it should go: He offers to pay for dinner. You thank him but offer to split the bill. He then insists that he pays, and covers the bill.

It's a social nicety that lets your date know that you're not taking advantage of him (that is, automatically assuming that he'll pay), but it gives him the chance to be chivalrous and pay for the meal. Watch out for the danger signs of a guy who immediately assumes that you'll be splitting the bill or one who doesn't insist on paying after you've politely offered to split.

Don't Hook Up Too Early

It's easy to get caught up with the romance early on in a relationship, but giving in to the hormones too quickly can often backfire. This is why we should avoid hooking up with a date early on at all costs. Casual sex attracts weak men who are allergic to responsibility and are simply pursuing pleasure. It's ok to expect a commitment before having sex. Masculine men want a commitment — it’s weak men who seek hedonism and avoid commitment.

Casual sex attracts weak men who are allergic to responsibility and are simply pursuing pleasure.

Not only does hooking up too early runs the risk of attracting a weak man who isn’t commitment-minded, but it's important to remember that sex creates a chemical bond. It's easy to become bonded to a man that a) we haven’t taken time to properly vet, and b) hasn’t committed to us. If he’s not cool with waiting, he probably isn’t interested in you for the long haul anyway. A man with his eye on marriage will be happy to wait for a commitment to get physical.

Stay Sober

It’s common these days to get drunk and hookup on dates, but this is a terrible idea.

Some women get drunk or do drugs with guys they’re just starting to date because it can seem like a fun way to get to know someone. They’re fooled into thinking it helps them and their date to “open up” and reveal their “true” selves. Don’t buy into this. Alcohol breaks down inhibitions and causes us to do things we may regret later or worse, put us in actual danger. We need to vet our dates through a sober lens. One glass of wine at dinner won't hurt, but keeping your head about you is a must.

Be Gracious

Don’t get huffy, angry, insulted, or assume a man thinks you're unequal to him when he commits chivalrous acts. Graciously thank him when he buys you a coffee, opens a door, or helps you put on your coat. This is his way of expressing his belief that women are valuable — not unequal or beneath him.

Feminine women see chivalrous acts as his way of expressing his belief that women are valuable.

Instead of being combative about ideas, practice listening attentively and respect your date's thoughts. Work on becoming a good conversationalist; learn to actively listen and avoid ranting or getting overly angry about personal drama or political issues. You can tell your date what you appreciate about him — how hard he works at his job, his blue eyes, or his strong relationship with his family. Remember that men are nervous on dates too, and it's better to come off as friendly and attentive than bitter and upset.

Closing Thoughts

Some women may want a submissive man because they’re naturally a more masculine woman. That’s totally okay! But if you're looking to be the feminine one in your relationship, you might need to change your dating strategy from the current norm. If you want to avoid attracting a weak or submissive man, you should embody feminine energy from the start. You’ll end up with a better match who makes you much happier in the long run.

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