Why Domineering Women Secretly Resent Their Submissive Husbands

Why do women despise submissive husbands? Is it because of their weakness or their unreliability? Or is it because they’re whiny?

By Juliana Stewart3 min read
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We all know a woman who acts aggressively and domineering towards her husband. Perhaps she’s your mother, a friend, a colleague, or maybe you’ve seen her on social media.

She criticizes everything her man does, she makes fun of him in front of others, she’s always trying to get one up on him, she is controlling and quite frankly disrespectful. When you see them together the message is loud and clear: she wears the pants in the relationship. She leads, and he follows. 

Most women think she’s hilarious, sassy, and even joins in on the jokes, but what does their relationship dynamic tell us, and how does the couple really feel about it? 

When someone asserts their will arrogantly over another or mocks them in front of others, that behavior comes from a dark place. It’s like when a person is rude to a waiter at a restaurant. Disregarding another person and showing a lack of courtesy means they think that person is beneath them. 

So, when we see a wife acting this way towards her husband, what can we learn from it?

She Doesn’t Respect Him

The first thing we can see is she lacks respect for him. She is essentially communicating to the world that she has settled for a man beneath her, therefore she doesn’t have to respect him.

She is essentially communicating to the world that she has settled for a man beneath her.

For example, think of someone you respect and look up to — it could be your boss, a favorite teacher, or a celeb — would you willingly or jokingly disrespect them in front of others? Of course, you wouldn’t!

She Doesn’t Trust Him

When a woman criticizes her husband, a.k.a nags, she’s saying he’s incompetent and she doesn’t trust him. She has to remind him to take out the garbage, she has to dictate what he can and can’t do, sometimes she even tells him what clothes he should wear. She's constantly breathing down his neck.

When she doesn’t trust her man to manage the most basic tasks, she’s again saying that she has settled for someone beneath her. She has chosen to settle for a child instead of a capable adult.

She Is Hurting and Resents Him

When a woman acts abrasively towards her husband, she’s usually hurting on the inside and over time will resent him for it. 

She feels like she’s shouldering most of the responsibilities, so she acts unkindly to test him. Yes, she’s going about it the wrong way, but what she wants the most is for him to step up. It’s a bit like when a child throws a tantrum and keeps pushing his parents’ button. The child won’t be happy until the parent stands up to him and sets boundaries.

What she wants the most is for her husband to step up and prove that she can rely on him.

This is what the wife desperately craves. She desperately wishes her husband would step up to the plate and prove her wrong. She wants him to prove that she chose a man and not a little boy. She wants him to prove that she can respect him and rely on him, so she can relax.

She doesn’t want him to act like a weak, submissive man because everyone knows great men aren’t submissive. Great men take action, and they command respect. 

But, instead of stepping up, he sees her criticism as an act of coldness, so he retreats and doesn’t fight back, because good men don’t like to fight with women. So the cycle continues, and the resentment builds.

Why We Despise Weakness in Men

Truth is, it’s not just wives who resent weak, submissive husbands — society as a whole despises weakness in men. Generally speaking, people admire strength and tenacity in men. “Men are to protect and provide,” as the saying goes. 

People admire strength and tenacity in men.

Think of some of the most difficult jobs in the world that require a great deal of strength —  e.g. soldiers, police officers, construction workers, garbage collectors, lumberjacks, and world leaders — most of these jobs are run by men, and that’s how we think men should act whether we’re aware of it or not. It runs deep in our human psyche. We intuitively know that if men stopped working and protecting, civilization would collapse within a week.

So when a husband acts weak and stops taking action in the relationship, a wife will panic out of fear and will often turn against him.

Closing Thoughts

Look, it’s not okay to blame husbands for everything that goes wrong, and it’s not okay to disrespect him. A woman is also responsible for her actions and consequences. Both parties deserve mutual respect, which is a major foundation of a happy and healthy relationship.

If a woman wants her husband to step up to the plate and be the hero in her life, she needs to show him respect and appreciation for all the good things he does for her. Constantly nagging about his shortcomings only reinforces bad behavior, which becomes a vicious cycle. If there’s one thing husbands crave the most, it’s to receive respect from their wives.