Men Are No Longer Lovers Or Fighters, So What Are They?

By Jessica Marie Baumgartner··  7 min read
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Our culture has degraded men so far that they’re punished for wanting to protect and defend; love is also a tricky game thanks to hookup culture and feminism. This has devastated Millennial and Gen Z men.

Men have a biological need to protect and defend. They’re classically the ones who were more romantic and daring in love. So now that we’ve fallen prey to post-modern ideologies, men aren’t socially allowed to be fighters or lovers. Taking these great endeavors off the table has left a lot of men hungry for purpose because if they can’t be a lover or a fighter, then what exactly are they? 

The Struggle To Find Purpose

I was that girl, the one who was always surrounded by a group of male friends. It was fun being a tomboy growing up, but over time things changed. Drastically. 

I like to listen and empathize with others, and in hearing from men and observing their struggles I've found that most men feel as if they have no place in our society at all. It’s as if neo-feminism has taken such a strong hold that men are being pushed out. In movies, television, music, advertising, and print media, masculine men have been replaced with some fantastical version of effeminate men who bow to women as if we were their rulers. 

In comics, Thor is now a girl. The Star Wars reboot was basically a chick remake with women here, women there, look the women are doing it all everywhere! Parents Magazine doesn’t often allow strong masculine fathers to grace a cover in this climate. Comic book creator and artist Todd McFarlane recently discussed how DC wants him to make more female action figures, even though they don’t typically sell as well because the main demographic that buys action figures is still male, and little boys want to see strong male images.

Our men are now flounderers – uncertain beings who were raised to hate themselves and their kind.

Men are struggling to find purpose in society because they’re being edged out of it. Masculinity is vilified while males are allowed to compete as women in sports. It’s hard to fully understand just how demeaning and emasculating that must be.

Depression and Anger Issues 

What happens to any human being who feels purposeless? They’re miserable. And this is happening to men who listen to society’s “toxic masculinity” narrative – they suffer from depression, anxiety, and sometimes anger issues. Men are the most likely to commit suicide, end up having mental breakdowns, or just give up on life, and these newfound constraints are not easing their burdens, they’re amplifying them. 

Suicide is the 12th leading cause of death in the United States, and it’s most common for middle-aged white men, who account for nearly 70% of all suicides. Men who are berated and hounded for just being who they are have been subjected to propaganda that teaches that they’re “oppressors” who must be punished, reformed, or even killed. 

It isn’t socially acceptable for men to get into a fight and duke it out anymore, physical labor jobs are looked down upon, and fathers are demeaned and get the short end of the stick in family court. Even before reaching puberty, little boys are being taught that hyperactivity or preferring physical activity to sitting in a classroom all day is wrong. And that energy eventually builds up. When it’s not allowed to be put into something productive it boils over and can become destructive, as a male’s entire purpose is shunned and the fear of being erased takes over.

Many of these issues are not caused by mental illnesses but by intrusive political ideologies.

The effects of this are long-lasting and widespread. Everywhere, the mental health crisis is discussed, but though we now have more mental health experts than ever, somehow mental health issues have only gotten worse. Why? Because many of these issues are not caused by mental illnesses but by intrusive political ideologies that are being forced onto everyone, whether they agree with them or not. And if you disagree? Be prepared for the cancel-culture mob to come after you and those you love. 

How Can We Help?

It's never a woman's job to "fix" a man, but we can offer our compassion and put an end to the male-bashing. We can raise our sons with a sense of purpose and balance. We can be fair in relationships and give the men in our lives the support they need to reclaim their masculinity.

Instead of expecting men to cater to women or become “male feminists,” it would better serve everyone if women appreciated their male counterparts for the roles they take on which women can’t or won’t do. Just as women can now be whatever they want, so too can men. Instead of criticizing their way of doing things differently, we should find balance in their ability to be a lover, a fighter, or just a hard-working man. 

This always starts at home. My sons are completely different from my daughters. They came out of the womb wanting to fight and defend. They’re also the most loving little beings on the planet once they’re done protecting us from pretend monsters. Every night my 3-year-old redhead climbs into my lap and hugs me. He presses his freckled face to mine and declares, “I love you, Mommy!” 

We should appreciate men for the roles they take on that women can’t or won’t do.

My youngest is much more bashful than his brother, and a little cherubic image at that, but he too likes physical activity. He loves to play-fight and throw things. That energy can be very helpful when it’s time to clean up and I ask him to throw his toys in the toy box. And when he wants to cuddle me, he’s adamant. No one can stop him from kissing and hugging me, because he’s determined to express his love with just as much dedication as he puts into his play-fighting. 

My sons’ boyhood will determine what kind of men they grow into. I wish to raise men not mice, and so I refuse to allow anyone to hinder their masculinity. They’re smart and follow rules easily. They’re industrious and love to build things. These are the qualities that flourish best when men are not demeaned. They’re so much more than just lovers and fighters, but those two opposing characteristics are such a huge part of their being that they would be completely different people without them. Every mother, sister, daughter, and cousin needs to recognize and cherish this. They need to see more than what mainstream media portrays because it doesn’t fully represent the better part of male strengths. 

Closing Thoughts

Many men are stuck. They’re unable to be who they are made to be. They’re no longer culturally allowed to be romantic lovers, yet fighters are also looked down upon in our soft soy-boy landscape. Our men are now flounderers – uncertain beings who were raised to hate themselves and their kind – but deep within they hold that spark of energy, that need for physical action and ingenuity. We can help them rediscover this masculinity just as so many of us have a newfound appreciation for traditional femininity. This can only start with our sons and be cultivated with love for our fathers, brothers, and husbands.

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  Society  Masculinity
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