How To Tell If A Man Is Virtuous

If one thing is for certain, it’s that dating in 2024 can be rough. Sure, dating apps made it so that singles can easily find and connect with one another when, 20 years ago, they might have never met in the first place. But they’ve also made it so that hookup culture had a vessel through which to spread like wildfire throughout the dating scene, with the sheer number of “unlabeled” relationships skyrocketing in the last 10 years.

Not to mention, marriage continues to wane in popularity, with many singles wary of making such a lofty, lifelong commitment to another imperfect person – especially after seeing their own parents divorce when they were young. They’d rather have an out, should things ever go south. “Marriage isn’t a realistic commitment. People grow apart. Why make a promise you don’t know if you can keep?” they say.

And on top of all of that, you sometimes find yourself wondering where all of the good men have gone. You aren’t interested in the type of guy who seems to put women on a pedestal, who treats you almost like a trophy and would let anyone walk all over him. And you’re definitely not interested in the type of guy who knows how to say all of the right things to get you to let your guard down, only to peace out as soon as he’s gotten what he wants from you (hint: it’s not your hand in marriage). And you’re certainly not interested in the type of guy who claims to be all about cultivating “masculinity” while regularly spewing out sexist views and utter hatred for women online.

So, long story short? If you’re a single woman right now who desires a commitment that lasts longer than a few months and who happens to have standards, you might be struggling to find a good man. A man who’s masculine and strong yet loving and tender. A man who’s driven and motivated yet fun-loving and adventurous. A man who’s truly virtuous. You might even be wondering if such a man exists.

It can be challenging to locate them and decipher whether a man is virtuous, but we’re here to assure you that such men do, in fact, exist. So, how do you go about figuring out whether a man is virtuous? Here are six things that will tell you.

Look at Who He Follows on Social Media

If you’re going to live in an age of social media, you may as well benefit in every way you can from it. One simple way to decipher what kind of man he is? Take a look at who he follows across his various social media platforms. While there’s always room for context, who we choose to follow and give our attention to reveals something about who we are.

Has he made a habit of following bikini models? Does he regularly interact with their posts? While deeming a man to be lacking in virtue simply because he happens to follow a pretty girl would be jumping to conclusions (he might personally know her or have some other reason to be following her), if he follows girls because they’re attractive, that’s a red flag.

Not only does it point to potential issues down the road when you begin to feel insecure and disrespected when your boyfriend is commenting fire emojis and drooling emojis on another girl’s bikini picture (rightfully so, we might add), but it also reveals his willingness to treat women he doesn’t know like an object created for his pleasure.

Take His Patterns and Behaviors into Account

With every action we take, every pattern we repeat, every behavior we make a habit of, we’re essentially weaving the various threads of our life’s quilt – and eventually, it will all add up to either something good and beautiful or something sad and regrettable. This means that a man’s seemingly innocuous behaviors might impact him and his story more than you think.

So, what are some patterns you should be paying attention to? How often and how heavily he drinks, for one. Does he get wasted every single weekend, or does he merely enjoy a glass of wine or two on a Friday night? Another would be whether he cares about his physical appearance and health. Does he exercise regularly and take care to eat well, or does he rely on his naturally slim build to skate by? Lastly, whether or not he sees porn as an issue. Does he frequently watch porn and see no problem with it, or does he acknowledge how destructive it is and choose not to engage with it?

Ask Him Point Blank How He Feels About Commitment

Believe it or not, often enough, you’ll be able to ascertain exactly what kind of man he is with one simple question: “Are you interested in a long-term, committed relationship?” His answer will offer you all kinds of insight into his desires, motivations, and virtue.

If he gets rattled, shifty-eyed, or offers up some excuse about how he’s “not looking for anything serious right now,” before assuring you that he likes you and still wants to “just see where things go,” he’s telling you exactly what kind of guy he is – the kind who is unwilling to stick around, for whatever his personal reasons and issues are. He’s letting you know that you can’t count on him and that he doesn’t see you as a long-term option.

On the other hand, if he doesn’t seem fazed by your question, but instead shows a desire to settle down with someone, take that as a green flag. He’s marking himself as safe, the kind of man to invest himself in a relationship rather than take off as soon as the going gets tough.

Pay Attention to the Standard He Holds Himself To

Ultimately, we each live by the standards we choose to impose on ourselves. For some of us, those standards are guided by our faith. For others, they stem out of the way we were raised. For others, they’re the product of years of commitment to personal growth.

You’ll know whether or not a man is virtuous when you see the standards he has chosen to hold himself to. Is he someone who regularly finds a way to let himself off the hook when life isn’t turning out the way he’d hoped, or does he choose to take responsibility for his circumstances? Does he see himself as a perpetual victim who always gets the short end of the stick, or does he see himself as someone who’s capable of bettering himself and his life? Is everyone else always to blame, or is he able to acknowledge his faults? Does he take a “good enough” approach to everything he does, or does he always search for ways to challenge himself and improve?

If he allows himself to stick with low standards in most areas of his life, he simply lacks virtue. If he chooses to hold himself to higher standards, even if he doesn’t uphold them perfectly, he’s a noble man.

Learn About His Past Relationships

As much as you’d rather pretend he’s never even looked at another girl before you, unless you’re high school sweethearts who have only ever dated each other, his past romantic relationships are worth looking into – they’ll offer a whole host of information about who he really is.

For example, does he have a string of short-term relationships? That shows he might have a lack of interest in investing much into his relationships. Does he call every single one of his exes crazy? That points to difficulty in seeing his own faults and offering others context. Does he have a couple long-term girlfriends that he “almost” married before breaking things off? This could mean that while he desires commitment, he’s afraid to completely commit.

A virtuous man will be actively searching for a serious relationship. He might have some issues with his exes, but he’ll have owned his own shortcomings and moved on. He’ll want nothing more than to be someone’s husband and see the value in making a lifelong promise to someone.

A Virtuous Man Will Call a Woman to Her Best Self

A virtuous man will focus on what he’s doing to become a wiser, more emotionally healthy, intellectually deep, and physically fit person, but he’ll also call the woman he’s with to better herself. He will desire to be with a woman who is just as invested in personal growth as he is.

So the last way you’ll be able to tell if a man is virtuous? He’ll challenge you, in a good way. He’ll cause you to want to be better, wiser, healthier, and more driven. He’ll kindly but firmly call you out when he sees that you aren’t striving for your best. He’ll inspire you and be right there alongside you as you become a better woman.

Closing Thoughts

We know, it’s hard out there for single ladies. But we promise – virtuous men do exist, and they’re worth finding. With these tips, it will be all the easier to pick the virtuous men out from a crowd. 

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