I’ll never forget the image of her tongue sticking out of the side of her mouth. She was clad in a nude lingerie set, and she proceeded to hump and gyrate against a large foam hand while she licked her bright red lips.
The sight of Miley Cyrus on stage with Robin Thicke at the 2013 VMAs is a moment that has been burned into our brains forever. It was a culturally explosive performance — right before our eyes was the culmination of many years of oversexualizing women in public spaces. Only this time we weren’t even pretending like it was taboo anymore, and it was all being done in the most outrageous, exaggerated fashion. Nothing was too raunchy. Nothing was off-limits. Miley Cyrus bent over on stage and twerked herself into Robin Thicke’s crotch. She rubbed his private parts.
We were instructed to fall in line and support this so-called liberation of young women. Anyone who dared to utter a concern about this wildly sexual, disturbingly explicit duet was an old-fashioned sexist who wanted to hold women back from freeing their sexuality. Fast forward several years and now we have something even more vulgar — “W.A.P.” by Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion.
So many of us can’t help but ask: What happened to our culture? What happened to the value and general respect of women?
Two Damaging Cultural Narratives at Play
As I scratch my head and ponder these questions, I simultaneously witness everywhere — from friends and family, in TV and movies, throughout American culture — the loud cry that it’s simply impossible to find a good man to marry. Women complain on Twitter, in reality TV shows, and at dinner parties how difficult it is to lock down a guy who is worthy of their time. Usually, these conversations or stories consist of a woman complaining that a man is untrustworthy, unreliable, immature, unable to meet her needs, etc. He can’t commit. He can’t get his act together. He can’t get along with her friends. He can’t meet her emotional needs. No matter what the details might be, the message is simple, really: Men suck.
The message is simple, really: Men suck, and women are simply better than men are.
This narrative is now coming from even the most unexpected of places. Conservative political commentator and Fox News host Tomi Lahren recently joined in on the tirade against men. “It might not be us. It might be men,” she vehemently said in an Instagram live video. “I think they’re trash all over this country. A lot of men don’t know how to treat women.”
Add on top of that the narrative that has been on the steep rise in our culture — women are simply better than men are, in just about every category. Hillary Clinton said women are better suited to run countries because they are “inclusive, empathetic.” Even former President Barack Obama said that women are just better leaders than men are.
Women Are Responsible for the State of Our Culture Too
It’s insane enough that we’re pretending like women are guiltless, blameless angels who should be worshipped on a lilypad every day. But what’s even worse than this false narrative is the fact that women are arguably contributing to the downfall of our culture more than men are. Women generally make up the most vulgar, most risqué content we see in the media today. They strip their clothes off at the drop of a hat, dance and writhe on the floor in little to nothing, and then turn around and demand that they be treated like queens. I’m sick of pretending like this is perfectly OK.
Women generally make up the most vulgar, most risqué content we see in the media today.
Why would you ever think you deserve a king when you act like a classless, crass, and trashy woman who has no value for her own sexuality? I realize this sounds harsh, and I’m well accustomed to replies such as, “You’re slut-shaming!” But there’s a big difference between shaming someone and speaking the difficult truth that few people want to hear.
The Hard Truth Is That Only Good Women Attract Good Men
That difficult truth is: If we want to attract a worthy man who is smart, kind, successful, and a wonderful future father, then we have to be the woman of his dreams too. No matter how much you try to deny it, that dream woman is not someone who dresses promiscuously, flirts with other men, talks freely about explicit sexual acts, and exploits herself on the internet for attention or money. And she also doesn’t condone and celebrate that kind of behavior either.
The obsession with political correctness has prevented us from being able to acknowledge that sexual purity or modesty is in fact a desirable trait in women. A worthy woman is private about her sexuality and shares it only with her boyfriend or husband. It’s time that we put to rest the myth that sexual promiscuity will set us free. There's nothing about sleeping with multiple men that will ever make you feel more cherished, accomplished, or loved.
A worthy woman is private about her sexuality and shares it only with her boyfriend or husband.
So if we’re really searching for a good man to spend the rest of our lives with, we will reject the cultural narrative that sexually free women are liberated women. Before we put all the blame on men and point our fingers at them, we need to be sure that we’re doing everything we can to improve ourselves. At the same time, we can’t be afraid to speak up against celebrated moments like Miley Cyrus’ VMA performance and Cardi B’s latest music video. These are the very displays of women that are harmful and derogatory — and they teach young girls that selling their bodies for everyone to see is a noble thing to do.
Today, personal responsibility is a radical idea. But what if we took full responsibility for our lives? What if you changed your lifestyle habits? No more partying, no more drinking, no more sleeping around, no more overeating, no more drama. If you put the time and effort into being the dream woman, you would have a much easier time finding a man who can meet you where you’re at and fulfill your needs.