How To Know The Difference Between A Man Simping For You And A Man Pursuing You

Despite their similarities, being pursued and being simped for couldn’t be more different.

By Keelia Clarkson3 min read
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We’ll be honest: We, as women, really enjoy being pursued. We like knowing that the guy we’ve had our eye on is interested. We love feeling like the object of someone’s affection. We enjoy the thought of him deciding to ask us out, planning a romantic date, and opening a door for us. More than anything, we like to be pursued because it lets us know that we’re special, chosen, and sought after. 

But maybe you’ve experienced a guy who was a little too eager to get on our radar, a bit on the desperate side for even a modicum of attention from us, to the point where it was a turn-off. There’s quite a fine line between being wooed and being groveled for — a world of difference between being chased after and being begged for. 

After all, we all want a guy who’s willing to pursue us, charm us, and win us over, but a simp? That’s not for us. Hang on, what even is a simp?

What Is a Simp?

Simply put, a simp is a person who goes way above and beyond to impress, flatter, and placate someone they like, practically treating them like royalty. However, this treatment is one-sided, unreciprocated by their crush. When a guy is simping for a girl, he might shower her with compliments, buy her random gifts, send sweet texts, pay for her meals, bend over backward to impress her, or remain too available to her.

But wait… Some of that sounds like…normal flirting. So what’s the difference between a guy who’s pursuing you and a guy who’s simping for you?

He’ll Leave a Little to Your Imagination

A guy who’s simping for a girl will give her the complete boyfriend treatment, all without getting any sign of interest, commitment, or reciprocation from her. She won’t ever have to wonder what it’d be like to have him as her boyfriend because he’s already acting like it.

A guy who’s pursuing you will leave you wanting more attention, the kind he only offers to his girlfriend.

But when a guy is simply pursuing you, he’ll want to leave a little bit to your imagination. He’ll show you affection and give you special treatment, but he’ll withhold just enough that you’ll be left wanting more attention from him — attention that he only offers to someone he’s officially dating.

He Won’t Be Afraid of Boundaries

The number one sign of a guy who’s simping is his lack of boundaries. If the object of his affection tells him to jump, he’ll ask how high. There’s nothing he won’t do to be in her good graces, even if everyone else around him is discouraging his behavior or he’s borderline embarrassing himself or she’s openly dating other guys. There is essentially nothing she could do wrong in his eyes.

But for a guy who’s pursuing you? Of course, being in your good graces is also a priority of his, but not at the sake of his boundaries, dignity, and self-respect. He might go out of his way to surprise you with your favorite iced coffee or always make sure to send a cute “good morning” text, but he won’t let someone walk all over him. And you’ll be capable of doing something wrong in his eyes (which, by the way, is the sign of a healthy guy).

He’ll Let You Hit the Ball Back

A guy who’s simping for a girl will be in a completely one-sided relationship, giving her all the affection, attention, and adoration he can muster, thinking this will get her to finally realize that it’s been him all along. But he’ll do all of this without even waiting for her to show interest back or give him a reason to show her this kind of treatment.

A huge part of the courting process is like a dance, with one person making a move, and the other moving in kind. When a guy is chasing with you, he’ll be waiting for you to hit the ball back — to be the one to text first sometimes, or to initiate a hand-hold, or to offer him evidence that his efforts aren’t in vain.

He’ll Want To Be Impressed Too

A simping guy will go above and beyond to impress the girl he’s hoping to win over. He’ll constantly be talking himself up, making his job sound more important than it is, or dress to the high nines just for her. He’ll do all of this without ever wanting to be impressed himself.

A guy who’s pursuing you will want to know that you’re a catch as well.

But when it comes to dating, guys aren’t the only ones who should impress, and a guy who’s simply pursuing you will know that. He’ll obviously talk his best game on the first few dates, wanting to set himself apart from any other guys who might want your attention. But he’ll be waiting for you to impress him, too — to tell him about your aspirations, lifestyle, job, or anything else. He’ll want to know that you’re a catch as well.

He Won’t Feel Entitled To Anything

Perhaps the worst part of a simping guy is that underneath all of the compliments, the free meals, the friendship, and the hangouts, he’ll feel entitled to more from his crush, even if she’s never shown any signs of interest. He’ll secretly believe that if he jumps through enough hoops, she’ll have to date him eventually. Every “kind” act of his comes with an ulterior motive.

Obviously, if a guy is pursuing you, he’s hoping the relationship will grow into something more. The difference is that because his pursuit isn’t totally one-sided, he won’t feel entitled to commitment or intimacy — he’s simply exploring whether a relationship between the two of you is in the cards. The motive behind his kindness is to see where the relationship can go, not to build up brownie points that he’ll one day use against you.

Closing Thoughts

While simping and pursuing can have some overlap, they ultimately couldn’t be more different in how they’re executed, how they come across, and their intentions.

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