Would You Marry Yourself If You Were The Opposite Sex?

It’s odd to think about marrying yourself, but stopping to consider this can make all the difference in becoming wife material.

By Keelia Clarkson3 min read
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We talk quite a bit about what to look for in a man, especially when you’re looking to get married one day. We highlight all the wonderful qualities that make a man “husband material” and all the red flags you shouldn’t ignore. We encourage single women to hold the men they date to certain standards and to not put up with toxic, immature, or questionable behavior.

These are deeply relevant topics for single women to read about, understand, and discuss, but we shouldn’t stop there. We can focus so intently on making sure we aren’t getting involved with a man we’ll regret giving our time to, but rather investing our time in finding the kind of guy we’d want to marry, that we don’t stop to consider what kind of woman we are – and whether or not we’d want to marry ourselves if we were a guy looking for his future wife.

So here’s an important question to ponder: Would you want to marry yourself if you were the opposite sex? Consider these attributes you’d want your future husband to have, and ask yourself whether or not you possess them currently:

You’d Want a Guy Who’s Responsible

A man who’s husband material is responsible. He’s careful with how he invests and spends his money, is building toward a future, takes his career and other commitments seriously, is the kind of man who’d be a present father, and can be counted on to follow through with what he says he’ll do. As women, we want to know that we can trust our husband to be just as committed to our life and our family as we are.

But it’s not just us who want a life partner who’s responsible – the kind of guy we just described would also be looking for a woman who takes responsibility for herself, her dreams, her finances, and her choices. He’d be looking for a woman he can trust to not just keep up with him, but even inspire him.

You’d Want a Guy Who’s Romantic

One of the most common complaints women have regarding the guy they’re dating? That he’s just not romantic enough – like he doesn’t even try to pursue you anymore now that he’s got you. Maybe he doesn’t hold your hand, or ever tell you you’re beautiful, or plan sweet date nights. 

Be the kind of woman he can trust to not just keep up with him, but inspire him.

While we might assume it’s only us girls who desire romance, if you’re looking for a guy who knows how to keep the romance alive, it’s smart to learn this skill too. This means taking him out on dates he’ll love, telling him how handsome he is, occasionally bringing home a bottle of wine to share over dinner, or spontaneously planning a romantic weekend getaway.

You’d Want a Guy Who’s Attractive

Despite the many voices that try to say otherwise, women do in fact care about looks in dating – and that’s not shallow of us, either. While focusing too closely on physical appearance isn’t wise, it’s equally unwise to pretend that physical attraction shouldn’t have anything to do with finding a life partner. We want to be with a guy who takes our breath away. 

Well, guys aren’t any different in this respect. This by no means is to say women should undergo any kind of plastic surgery to achieve what is touted as the female “ideal.” Chasing after an image of what you’re “supposed” to look like isn’t the answer.

All this means is that if you’re hoping to attract a guy you find physically appealing, it’s important to care about your own appearance – this looks like learning how to dress for your body type, mastering a few simple makeup techniques, and keeping your body healthy by exercising regularly and eating well.

You’d Want a Guy Who’s Kind

We won’t lie – a lot of women get caught up in dating the “bad boy” types. But if we’re honest, the more mature a woman gets, the more she realizes that kindness is a far more attractive quality to possess than unfettered confidence (which is really just toxicity and cockiness). After all, we’ve all heard it said that if a guy is nice to the waitstaff, it’s a major green flag.

So it shouldn’t be surprising that a good, kind, virtuous man would want the woman by his side to be kind too. In a world that so often glorifies knee-jerk, merciless, coarse behavior, striving to be a genuinely kind, gentle, thoughtful person – who always has something good and kind to say – will be a breath of fresh air for him.

You’d Want a Guy Who’s Always Improving

Sure, we all love a guy with a cute smile, or a great sense of humor, or strong arms, but one of the most attractive qualities we tend to look for as women is a need to improve. We want to be with a guy who’s proactive and dedicated rather than complacent and lazy.

Strive to be a genuinely kind, gentle, thoughtful person who always has something kind to say.

But if that’s a standard you’re holding him to, it’s important to hold yourself to that same standard. The type of guy who’s always improving will want to be able to look over and see his wife doing the exact same thing, instead of saying “good enough.” 

This might look like getting counseling in order to confront habits, or reading books that delve into more serious subjects than the latest romance novel, or actually following through with a project you’ve been talking about for years.

You’d Want a Guy Who’s Loving

None of the qualities above would matter if, at the end of the day, we didn’t feel loved by him. He could be the most successful, most handsome, most responsible guy in the world – but if he wasn’t loving, soft, caring, and affectionate toward us, we’d be unhappy.

It’s easy to forget, with so much talk of guys being “unemotional,” that they want to be loved, cherished, and valued too. You are his safe place, the person from whom he can actually expect to find affection and tenderness in a world that often tells him to man up and deal with it. A loving attitude is one of the most crucial aspects a guy who’s husband material will be looking for in a future wife.

Closing Thoughts

As you continue to look for the guy you’ll marry one day, it’s incredibly helpful to take a step back from yourself and consider if you’d want to marry the person you are today, if you were the opposite sex. Being honest with yourself will only help you find the right guy!

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