Relationships

We Asked Our Readers What Their Immediate Relationship Deal-Breakers Were—Here Are Their Top 10

By Keelia Clarkson··  7 min read
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What would make the readers of Evie break things off with a guy immediately?

Relationships rely on forgiveness and acceptance – we’re both bound to hurt the other at some point, to say something less than kind, or to discover a questionable habit our significant other has. And if a relationship has any hope of lasting longer than a few months, both acceptance and forgiveness are imperative.

However, there are things that can’t be forgiven, things that shouldn’t be tolerated, transgressions or differences that are worth ending a relationship over – in other words, immediate deal-breakers. But what are the most pressing deal-breakers for women today? 

Well, look no further to find out. We asked our readers what exactly would cause them to break off a relationship.

1. If He’s Rude to Others

Few things raise a million red flags as quickly as a guy who’s downright rude, unpleasant, and disrespectful to most people he comes across – whether it be a service worker, an acquaintance, or a random stranger at Target. 

We just know it’ll be us on the receiving end of that disrespect one day, and we’ll have none of that. We’ll go and find a guy who’s kind and gracious by default, thanks!

deal break rude to others

2. If Our Political Views Are Too Different

Maybe a decade (or two) ago, we could’ve been just like Mary Matalin and James Carville, a so-called “political odd couple” who both worked in politics and had their fair share of differing views.

But these days, politics are becoming a more toxic and divisive issue than ever before, and that means that if our views are just too different, it may prove too difficult to find common ground to stand on.

deal break political differences wrong-youre-wrong

3. If He Doesn’t Want Kids

We might love everything else about a guy – his sense of humor, his romantic gestures, his friendship, his adventurous spirit, his work ethic. We might feel like we’ve found our perfect “match” in almost every area.

But if a guy doesn’t want kids and we do, that’s far too stark a difference in desires and ultimately a sign that we have visions for life that will never line up. And the decision to have kids or not also isn’t something either party should be compelled to compromise on – that’s a recipe for resentment.

deal break i dont like children

4. If We Have Different Religious Views

Our faith inevitably affects the way we see the world. It dictates how we choose to live our days, our morals, our attitude towards others, and how we’ll raise our children. Someone who takes their faith seriously will always be striving to align their life with a certain purpose and live up to a certain standard, and they’ll need a partner who’s doing the same.

So it shouldn't be surprising that if a guy doesn’t agree with our faith, we’ll immediately start to wonder if it’s time to break things off. After all, it means much more than not coming to church with us; it means he doesn’t regard life, purpose, or morality through the same lens, and our disagreements will be too substantial.

deal break not on the same page religious

5. If He Doesn’t Respect His Family or Ours 

Families aren’t perfect; they’ve always got their quirks and odd dynamics and dysfunction. But unless they’re abusive or otherwise unsafe to be around, our family (and his) deserves respect and understanding. We should always desire to maintain and cultivate better relationships with family if it’s possible. 

If he refuses to make an effort to get to know and love our family and constantly speaks ill of his own (without solid reasoning) this will instantly make us wonder if we can trust him to help form and build a strong family bond with us and our own children one day, as well as feel disrespected by his treatment of the people who were in our lives way before he ever was.

deal breaker you-dont-turn-your-back-on-family-you-cant-walk-away-from-family

6. If He’s Too Submissive

We want a guy who’s loving, a guy who’s soft and affectionate in his posture towards us and the kids, who’s slow to anger and can be trusted to keep his cool, who’s humble and considerate. But we also want a guy who won’t bow down to just anyone.

It’s not surprising that women will end things with a guy who’s just too submissive, too willing to give in and easily be run over. While we desire humility and gentleness, we also want to know that we can count on him to take the lead when we need him to, to protect us if ever we were in danger, and to have the courage to think for himself.

deal breaker submissive sarabareilles-brave

7. If He Lacks Ambition

Whether or not a guy has got a flashy car or an impressive title or an enormous paycheck isn’t as much of a deciding factor as ambition – when a guy wants to do something with his life and actively pursues it.

A lack of ambition in a guy will drive us away faster than almost anything else. We want to know that he isn’t spending his days surviving without thinking much about the future or just passing the time, but instead, building a future that we can respect and want to be part of.

deal breaker no ambition if-i-dream-big-theres-going-to-be-no-limit-to-my-success-master-p

8. If He’s Unfaithful

Relationships thrive on mutual trust and value. We need to know that we can believe our boyfriend when he says he’s committed only to us, and have enough confidence in him and our bond that we don’t have to worry about him being unfaithful.

But if a guy has cheated on us, our trust in him is gone, our self-esteem is tarnished, and our faith in the relationship is damaged. We don’t know if we should believe him when (or if) he says he’s sorry, or if we should bother giving him another chance. Infidelity is one of the “easiest” reasons to choose to leave.

deal breaker cheating ive-never-felt-so-betrayed-stabbed-in-the-back

9. If He’s Abusive

While every relationship will have its rough patches, personalities might clash, and seasons of seemingly endless fights may come about, we should be able to trust that things won’t ever take an abusive turn.

If our boyfriend begins to resort to physical violence or emotional abuse, this is quite possibly the clearest sign that we need to find our way out. And while some women might not leave immediately, they’ll likely have begun separating their hearts and minds from the relationship long before they ever officially end things.

deal breaker abusive deserve better

10. If He Doesn’t Want To Get Married

Long-lasting, fulfilling relationships require both parties to be moving forward with the same intention and desire. We need to be approaching the relationship with the same end goal in mind, and for a lot of women, that looks like getting married. 

If we want to get married but our boyfriend doesn’t, then that’s a difference that definitely won’t disappear. We’ll eventually realize we can’t convince him to want it, and we’ll move on to find a guy who does.

deal breaker he doesnt want to get married

Closing Thoughts

No relationship will come “naturally” in that we’ll always have to make compromises and love past our boyfriend or husband’s more challenging qualities. But this doesn’t mean we should always be willing to put up with whatever comes our way. Having relationship deal-breakers isn’t just normal, it’s a healthy sign of self-respect. So what are your deal-breakers?

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