How To Tell If Your Boyfriend Is All Talk And No Action

There’s nothing worse than finding out what we thought was ambition to live a full, accomplished life was just all talk.

By Keelia Clarkson3 min read
Shutterstock/Shift Drive

There are a few things women seem to almost universally seek out in a man. Height, of course, is always welcome. We also tend to like a physically strong and capable man, one whose muscular build makes us feel safer. A sense of humor will always get a girl to swoon. But one of the most important aspects for a guy to possess is drive. Women want a man who does.

I don’t think I’m alone in saying that one of a man’s most attractive qualities is his ambition to do something good or important, whatever it may be. We praise the men who work hard at a job they’re passionate about and condemn the ones who choose to make a home in their parent’s basement and play video games all day.

But here’s the thing: ambition is easy to fake for a while. It’s not always easy to tell if a guy really does have a vision for his life or just talks a big game, especially if we’re looking at him through rose-colored glasses. Most women I know have dated a guy who seemed to have a full, bustling professional life, only to find much of his vigor and success were nothing more than a veneer. So what are the tell-tale signs of a guy who’s just all talk?

He’s Overly Confident in Himself

Confidence can be great. It’s an attractive quality for a guy to like himself and know that he’s got something valuable to offer. However, a little too much confidence can easily cross over into egotistical territory, leaving us with a guy who considers his existence to be God’s greatest gift to women. 

He thinks success should come find him.

A guy who oozes pride like this likely doesn’t believe hard work is the reason for success; rather, he thinks success should come find him. This type of guy doesn’t have a hunger to learn more, invests zero time in his personal growth, and has huge blind-spots in regards to his shortcomings. 

He Relies on You To Provide Everything

Obviously, in every relationship, it’s important that both parties provide for one another in some way. But have you ever dated a guy who almost relies on you, the way a child relies on his mother? 

What he’s really looking for is someone to help make him feel significant. 

When a guy has an overinflated sense of self-importance and constantly raves about his supposedly budding career, it’s easy to get swept up in our starry-eyed feelings for him and allow him to hold more importance in our life than he should. And what he’s really looking for is someone to help make him feel significant. Before we know it, we’re giving him rides to and from work, initiating every conversation, and planning every single date.

He Wears the Starving Artist Badge with a Little Too Much Pride

It’s certainly a romantic idea, the thought of a guy so committed to his artistic craft that he couldn’t care less about money — the kind of guy who exclusively shops at GoodWill, forgets to comb his hair, and can’t help but spend his days penning poetic prose. Maybe he even writes beautiful poems about us

It shows an unwillingness to leave boyhood and become a man with true ambition.

But once we’re past our early twenties, it stops being so whimsical for him to just be good at something without ever actually doing anything with his talent. Instead, it shows incompetence, an enormous lack of maturity, and an unwillingness to leave boyhood and become a man with true ambition.

He’s Always Got a New Passion in Life

It’s one thing for a guy to explore his career options, to have a few interests he tries pursuing before settling on one. But have you ever dated a guy who, seemingly every week, has a new passion in life? 

He’ll flit from interest to interest, and from relationship to relationship.

He insists it’s different this time, that this is what he’s really meant to do, and gets excited about it for a few days, possibly even a couple of months. Slowly but surely, however, he’ll stop gushing quite so often about his new endeavor, until he drops it altogether in pursuit of something new. And unfortunately, he’ll have this attitude with more than just his career — it’ll end up bleeding into the way he treats a romantic relationship.

Closing Thoughts

Anyone who’s ever achieved something worth bragging about knows how long it can take to actually see success. It might be a few years until a book comes out, we finally get that promotion, or we finish a Ph.D. But eventually, hard work pays off — unless we’ve found ourselves with a guy who focuses more on looking like something than actually being something.