How To Tell If He’s Faking Being A High Value Man

Is he really the guy you’ve been waiting for, or is he just playing the part and hoping to reap the benefits?

By Keelia Clarkson4 min read
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Shutterstock/Halinskyi Max

You’ve been seeing this guy for a little while now, and he seems absolutely perfect. Aside from being handsome, successful, and sweet, you seem to operate on the same wavelength – as soon as you mentioned being exclusive, he was all in. The moment you brought up having kids one day he said he couldn’t wait to be a dad. When you talked about your political views, faith, and values, he agreed with everything you said.

You can’t help but feel like he’s the guy you’ve been waiting for all along, the prince who made sifting through all the frogs worth it. You feel yourself falling for him – and fast. You’ve had a difficult time not running at top speed into the relationship. If he’s the man you’re going to marry one day, you think, why would you bother being cautious?

But then, he did something that gave you pause. After you’d invited him into your life, your heart, and possibly even more than that, he seemed to change his behavior. He was a bit more standoffish than he’d been, a little harder to get ahold of. And you started to wonder: Was it all too good to be true? Is he really the honest man he presents himself to be, or is he putting on a show so as to be granted access to your life, your heart, and your body?

Here are six red flags that say he’s faking being a high value man.

1. You Can Pinpoint Exactly When He Lost Interest

With most relationships that fizzle out, it’s difficult to pinpoint exactly when things changed – you just find yourself one day noticing that things don’t feel the way they used to. But when a guy’s faking it until he makes it with you, you can actually pinpoint when he lost interest.

And what hurts the most is that he seemed to lose interest as soon as you’d let things progress past a simple kiss. Before that, he couldn’t get enough of you. Getting a text back from him wasn’t something you had to hope for. But after? He could barely be bothered to respond to you the same day.

2. He’s a Totally Different Guy from the One You First Met

It’s not unusual for someone to change over the course of a relationship. We don’t stay stagnant. We’re constantly growing in some direction, whether positive or not. But this also doesn’t mean that we should feel like the guy we first fell for is nowhere to be found just a few months in.

But if a guy has been playing a part, there’s only so long he’ll keep up the charade. Eventually, as his mask comes off, you’ll start to feel like the guy you met some months ago isn’t the same guy you’re practically begging to take you out on a date now.

3. His Interest Goes Through Cycles

When you first met him, he was all over you – and while you definitely liked him, it seemed like he was the one whose interest ran deeper. But then, as you found yourself falling for him and letting your walls down, he started pulling away.

Naturally, you pulled away a bit too – only for him to immediately come back, pining for your attention. But this wasn’t a one-time thing. His interest began to run in cycles, ebbing and flowing based on you and your behavior. The more interest and commitment you showed, the less he did. 

To really know if he is the guy of your dreams, stay observant – virtue doesn’t call itself out, so you’ll need to pay attention!

4. The Way He Treats You in Person vs Over Text Is Worlds Apart

Some of us are better texters than others. But generally speaking, our personality will shine through with the way we text. Even a man of few words, if he likes you, will make you feel special, loved, and connected with his good morning text – and the way he treats you in person will reflect his affection for you. Meaning, his actions will reflect his words.

But what if you feel like he’s sweet and flirty over text, but as soon as you show up at his place, it feels like he couldn’t care less about you? If you feel like the guy you’re texting and the guy whose place you show up to are worlds apart, chances are, he’s just playing a part to get you to let your guard down.

5. He “Really Likes You, But…”

There’s no choosing when we meet someone we really like. If we’re lucky, it’ll be when we aren’t struggling with the emotional fallout from a relationship that just ended – because we’re not always in the right headspace for a relationship when we meet someone we truly like.

While this is an understandable reason to proceed with caution when it comes to putting a label on things, this guy seems to feel just fine inviting himself into your bed. But as soon as you broach the What are we? subject, he’s got all kinds of excuses, which normally start with, “I really like you, but…”

6. He Has Two Modes When It Comes to Physical Touch

Some of us love physical touch; others, not quite as much. While there’s a spectrum of what’s considered typical when it comes to a couple’s physical interaction, we also ought to know what we can usually expect from a guy if we’ve been seeing him for a little while – whether he’s the type that likes to hold hands, or if he’s the type that gives a gentle hand squeeze from time to time.

And then, there’s the guy that seems to only ever reach out to touch you when he’s hoping it will lead to more, to the point where you feel both used and pressured to reciprocate. Aside from that, it practically feels like he only sees you as a friend, judging by the way he never reaches out to touch your arm, take your hand, or give you little kisses throughout the day.

So What Can You Expect a Guy Who’s Not Faking It To Be Like?

There are no two men exactly alike, but there are certain qualities we can expect from a man who’s truly driven by respect, honesty, and kindness – a guy who’s not faking who he is in order to get closer to you. So what are these characteristics?

Well, rather than morphing into a completely different guy from the one you started dating as soon as things take a turn into more serious territory, he’ll be steady and predictable, and we mean that in the best way possible. Instead of wondering what his level of interest in you will be on any given day, you’ll rest easy knowing that he likes you, because he’ll assure you of it through his actions – which will align with his words. 

He won’t keep those dating apps on his phone or be liking another girl’s bikini pictures on Instagram. You won’t be left wondering if he wants things to be official, because he’ll make it clear that he wants you to be his girlfriend. He won’t make excuses for why he won’t put a label on it – he’ll want to put a label on it. The man he is when you’re alone, versus the guy he becomes when you’re out with a group of friends, won’t treat you differently or make hurtful “jokes” at your expense. You won’t feel used, more alone, or yanked around when you’re with him. You’ll feel like you’re home – loved, cared for, and valued. 

Closing Thoughts

Sometimes, a guy really is too good to be true. Sadly, it’s not uncommon for a guy to fake being a high value man in order to get you to let your guard down. To really know if he is the guy of your dreams, stay observant – virtue doesn’t call itself out, so you’ll need to pay attention!

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