Why does your man pull away every time you get close? It’s confusing and frustrating!
Article Updated: 1/8/2021
Do you ever wonder why men pull away? One minute you’re having the time of your lives, then the next minute he acts like a stranger. Almost like he loses interest overnight. It’s the worst feeling and confusing as hell.
Many factors go into why men pull away. Sometimes it’s a bad sign, but other times it’s perfectly normal and just what men do. It’s a masculine instinct. Understanding where you stand in the relationship will help you to determine whether his pulling away is a good or a bad thing.
Here are the top five reasons why men pull away:
1. He’s Unsure
If a man plays hot and cold frequently, that’s usually an indication that something is off. Some women find this push-pull behavior exhilarating because they like the unpredictability and the drama, but the truth is, it’s disrespectful behavior. When a man thinks he can walk in and out of your life whenever he feels like it, he’s basically saying he doesn’t have to fully invest in you, and you’re allowing it.
Do you really want to waste your time on a guy who is so unsure about you?
If a man isn’t consistent with his actions, it means he’s unsure about the situation and about his willingness to commit. Do you really want to waste your time on a guy who is so unsure about you?
2. Your Standards Are Too High for Him
Let’s be real, some men are only after one thing. These men will tell a woman anything and everything she wants to hear just to try and get her to sleep with him. It’s the oldest trick in the book, and men know that many women fall for it, unfortunately.
If he realizes that he can’t manipulate you into sleeping with him, he will give up and disappear.
However, if a woman’s standards are higher and he realizes that he can’t manipulate her into sleeping with him, he will give up and can disappear without warning. While his sudden disappearance might hurt for a brief moment, it’s a blessing in disguise.
3. It’s Moving Too Quickly
A new relationship can often feel intense and move at lightning speed. Most women love this intensity and drama, but it can be too much for some men, which can cause them to pull back from time to time.
Dr. John Gray, author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus calls it the rubber band effect, which is a man’s threshold for emotional intimacy. Dr. Gray says, "A rubber band is the perfect metaphor to understand the male intimacy cycle. This cycle involves getting close, pulling away, and then getting close again."
The male intimacy cycle involves getting close, pulling away, and then getting close again.
As long as he doesn’t pull away for weeks on end and he keeps initiating, this is the good kind of pulling away and is perfectly normal behavior.
4. He’s Scared of Losing His Freedom
Men value freedom more than anything. They have fought wars and have gone to great lengths to protect their freedom, and it’s no different when it comes to relationships.
When a man gets too emotionally attached to a woman, it can feel as though he’s losing his freedom. He may find it difficult to change his routine from being a bachelor where he’s in full control of every aspect of his life to being part of a couple where he will have to compromise.
He may find it difficult to change his routine from being a bachelor to being part of a couple.
It’s the reason why some men are afraid to get married. Some men think that being married is the equivalent of losing their freedom. Just look at the negative connotations that are tied to marriage nowadays. You have people referring it to as a “ball and chain,” or “wives wear the pants in the relationship,” and even “marriage means boring sex.” Men are afraid that if they go in too deep all their freedom will be taken away, which triggers them to pull away.
5. You’re Too Closed Off
Have you ever seen a couple out on a date and the guy tries hard to please her, but she gives nothing back? Men get frustrated when a woman isn’t open and doesn’t reciprocate. Sometimes women do this to play hard to get, and other times they have walls up because they’ve been hurt in the past. They don’t know how to relax and let their guard down.
Men get frustrated when a woman isn’t open and doesn’t reciprocate.
When a man senses a woman is closed off, it can feel like she’s too much work or she’s not interested in him, so why should he waste the effort? Of course he's going to pull away.
As you can see it’s not always bad news when a man pulls away. Often it’s about understanding where he’s at. Men react to things differently than women, so don’t assume his response is always negative. Try and empathize with him and give him the space he needs. Sometimes less pressure will lead to more openness, trust, and a willingness to embrace the new changes in his life.