I asked my followers what made someone unforgettable. Here are some of the top answers that I got: playfulness, kindness, humor, beauty, confidence, good eye contact, stimulating conversations, and positivity. The top answers were playfulness and good banter (we will discuss this later).
If you haven’t read The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene yet, you need to. Lucky for you, we’re going to summarize Greene's nine types of seducers, all of which can help you win others over. The point of these isn't to manipulate someone or to pretend to be something you're not. Instead, they should act as a guide on how to charm your crush or date. I guarantee at least one of them sounds like your personality, and once you find out which type suits you, the easier it'll be for you to seduce someone. If you’re struggling to figure out which one describes you, I suggest looking for a quiz online or asking a close friend for an opinion.
In Greek mythology, a siren was a half-woman, half-bird being. They lured sailors in with the sound of their sweet voices. In Greene's book, a Siren is described as the "ultimate male fantasy figure, she offers a total release from the limitations of his life." She's exciting, charming, and keeps men on her toes with her theatrics.
Cleopatra was a prime example of a siren. According to a Roman writer named Dio Cassius, "Cleopatra was in the prime of life. She had a delightful voice which could not fail to cast a spell over who all heard it. Such was the charm of her person and her speech that they drew the coldest and most determined misogynist into her toils. Caesar was spellbound as soon as he set eyes on her, and she opened her mouth to speak."
Marilyn Monroe was the ultimate sex siren. Born Norma Jean Mortensen, the future actress learned to gain attention at a young age. She found that by smiling more, wearing makeup, and dressing differently, she could attract people to her. When she was older, she spent hours in front of the mirror to study her own appearance. She mastered looking glamorous and sexy, and the way she moved on-screen proved this. Her slow walk, sultry smile, and intense gaze riled the audience. If you want to learn more about this, you can read our article on the "Marilyn Monroe effect."
There's one more important aspect to being a siren: They still have a touch of innocence and vulnerability, which gives men the illusion that they need to protect her.
The Rake is the type of seducer who entices people by being persistent. This seducer archetype typically works for men and not so much for women (based on my observation). The Siren affects men because of her physical appearance and enchanting presence, while women are attracted to the Rake because of his ability to show his devotion and loyalty. Women fall for the Rake because he seems madly in love (even when he isn't). Like the Siren, the Rake keeps a part of his personality hidden to create a sense of thrill, danger, and mystery.
The Ideal Lover
Would you consider yourself a chameleon of some sort? Can you shift your energy to match someone else’s? If so, you might be the Ideal Lover, the seducer that thrives on people’s unfulfilled wishes and desires. They can embody anyone’s ideal partner. She can provide whatever her man wants, whether that’s commitment, adventure, or a spiritual union. “The Ideal Lover reflects your fantasy,” Greene writes. “He or she is an artist in creating the illusion you require, idealizing your portrait.”
The Dandy is kind of like the Siren in that they offer the forbidden freedom people crave. They're non-conformist, sometimes radical, and may even possess some masculine qualities. They're exciting because we can't categorize or fit them in a box. They're elusive, mysterious, and fascinating. Greene uses the late actress Marlene Dietrich as a prototype for this kind of seducer. She wore whatever she wanted and marched to the beat of her own drum.
"A purely feminine woman will arouse desire, but is always vulnerable to the man's capricious loss of interest; a purely masculine woman, on the other hand, will not arouse that interest at all," Green explains. "Follow the path of the Masculine Dandy, however, and you neutralize all a man's powers."
As we get older, we lose touch with our child-like qualities and wonder. We no longer seek novelty, we stick to the mundane to stay safe. We're not as playful or energetic. When someone comes along who embodies these innocent characteristics, we're immediately hypnotized by their aura. They're known as the Natural. "The Natural embodies the longed-for qualities of childhood – spontaneity, sincerity, unpretentiousness," Greene explains. "In the presence of Naturals, we feel at ease, caught up in their playful spirit, transported back to that golden age. Naturals also make a virtue out of weakness, eliciting our sympathy for their trials, making us want to protect them and help them."
If you want a long-lasting relationship, maybe don't go for the Coquette archetype. The Coquette possesses a high probability of guiding a man toward his downfall. Your allure lies in your ability to detach and retreat, leaving him wondering where you are or what you're doing. “The ability to delay satisfaction is the ultimate art of seduction – while waiting, the victim is held in thrall,” Greene shares. “Coquettes are the grand masters of this game, orchestrating a back-and-forth movement between hope and frustration."
Most of those reading this would likely gravitate toward the Charmer archetype. It's seduction without sex. They create a mood of comfort or pleasure by diverting their attention to their target. They can read you like a book and empathize with your feelings. "In the presence of a Charmer you feel better about yourself. Charmers do not argue or fight, complain, or pester – what could be more seductive?" asks Greene. "By drawing you in with their indulgence, they make you dependent on them, and their power grows. Learn to cast the Charmer's spell by aiming at people's primary weaknesses: vanity and self-esteem."
Have you ever met someone unforgettable? That, my dear, is the Charismatic. Like the Charmer, they're exciting, and they exude confidence, strong sexual energy, a sense of purpose, and happiness – all the virtues people want for themselves. Their gestures and the way they carry themselves command the attention in any room they walk into. They seem extraordinary or superior. “Charismatics can learn to heighten their charisma with a piercing gaze, fiery oratory, an air of mystery,” shares Greene. “They can seduce on a grand scale. Learn to create the charismatic illusion by radiating intensity while remaining detached.”
The Star, for the most part, is a figment of our imagination. They're dreamy, they provide us with an escape from reality. We often place them on a pedestal, and they have a distinct style. We want to watch them, and we may think we have an idea of what they're like, but they're complex. They're vague, they keep their distance, and their image is whatever we make up in our minds. “Their dreamlike quality works on our unconscious; we are not even aware how much we imitate them,” writes Greene. “Learn to become an object of fascination by projecting the glittering but elusive presence of the Star.”
I recommend that you reread these again so you can determine which seducer type is best for you. Did you notice a common theme among many of these archetypes? A lot of them require a little bit of mystery to keep your targets attached. In a world where everyone frequently overshares, being an enigma is incredibly sexy. Most people are easily discerned through their media presence or by being an open book. If there's no mystery, you’re not leaving them any room for imagination. You want them to wonder and think about you.
Being Authentic and Independent Is the Hottest Thing You Can Be
If it’s hard for you to embody one of these archetypes, just focus on being yourself. But in order to really be authentic, you have to know yourself on a deep level and understand your likes, dislikes, triggers, passions, values, etc. Know your worth and value. Once you truly embrace your dignity, you’ll naturally exude confidence. You then come off as charming and charismatic. Remember to be humble as well, you don't want to come off as conceited!
While authenticity is hot, looking good is important too. Men are visual creatures, and looks are a big deal to them. If you want to stand out, you’ve got to dress well. Remember that how you dress will attract specific types of men. If you’re going for the alt-girl, emo vibe, you’ll probably attract guys with the same style. Likewise, if you go to expensive bars or malls by yourself and wear elegant clothing, you’ll likely attract men with money. If you’re more outdoorsy, choose simple outfits, travel a lot, and are outgoing, you’ll probably come across someone similar. There is no right or wrong way to dress – it’s about what makes you feel authentic and confident, but the point is to look pretty.
Attract Him by Focusing on Yourself
Okay, let's say your crush or date hasn't contacted you. The next step is to stay busy. Go work out, cook a meal, hang out with your friends, and have fun. If you're thinking about your crush, you have way too much time to think, and the best way is to distract yourself by leveling up. Maybe your date or crush is on your mind because you're attracted to a quality they have that you're missing. For example, if you're insecure about your looks, you may gravitate toward good-looking and fit guys. If this is the case, what you'd want to do is reach your own fitness goals and work on your self-esteem. Do everything I advised, and there's a chance they'll reach out after seeing how happy and confident you look.
I cannot stress enough how important it is for you to stop needing to hear from your person. You don't need their validation, and you don't need their attention in order to feel good about yourself. They don't have to be in your DMs, and you don't have to see them every week to be happy. You can feel whole on your own. I'm not trying to preach the "I don't need a man" mentality, but I am saying that you should relinquish control and expectations regarding your crush or date.
Energy is everything. Women can sense the clinginess of a try-guy at a bar desperate to pick up girls. Men may not be as intuitive, but they can feel when women are being needy and insecure. So if you're crushing on someone – but currently lack confidence – I advise you to work on your self-concept. You can start by reprogramming your negative thought patterns here. Once you finally learn to love yourself, like moths to a flame, men will flock to your light and intoxicating beauty.
The First Date
Men want to have fun, and a lot of them want an escape from their mundane lives (I know this sounds harsh, but it’s true). This means they’re looking forward to something lighthearted, and you can provide that by not being so serious. A reoccurring problem I’m seeing with my friends is that they’re way too serious on dates. They ask boring questions and have way too many expectations. I encourage you to let these expectations go and relax. Be playful and tease them, be real, be you, but don’t give them too much information, especially on the first date. Let’s discuss the do’s and don’ts of dates. We also have a great article on this which you can read here.
If he cancels the first date – forget about it (unless he has a really good excuse). Thank you, next.
Put the spotlight on your date and ask them questions about themselves.
Remain vague. You need to give him reasons to want to see you again.
Have good eye contact.
Laugh at their jokes (yes, even if they’re not funny).
Be playful – treat the date like an improv stage, make yourself laugh, and have fun.
Dress to impress, but don’t be too sexy (save the sexy 'fits for the third or fourth date).
Give your date attention. Figure out what interests them, and once they tell you what that is, you just have to smile and say: “Tell me more.”
Pay attention to his body language. Sometimes guys will just say things their date wants to hear.
Don’t talk about your ex, obviously, but if the topic comes up naturally, do not talk about how bad your relationship was.
Say you’re dating to marry right away. Remember, you want to hook them, not scare them. In the process of getting to know them, they’ll let you know what they’re looking for.
Don’t touch them on the first date.
Tell them something unexpected about you. For example, let’s say there’s a girl who’s dressed elegantly. She surprises her date by revealing a side of herself that doesn’t seem to match her looks, so to speak. As it turns out, she’s into heavy metal and comic books (I know this isn’t the greatest example, but you know what I mean).
Talk about your insecurities. You are on a date, not a therapy session.
Text him right away after leaving. You don’t want to seem too eager or needy.
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