Quiz: Are You A Main Character Or An NPC?

Like, her opinions are so pre-packaged, you could pick ‘em off a grocery store shelf.

By Andrea Mew4 min read
Pexels/Ron Lach

We all want to be the best versions of ourselves…right? But what if – in this quest to fit in with the so-called cool kids – you’ve gone from being notable to being a total normie? A normie, interchangeably called an NPC for your non-player characters in video games, is someone who seems all too agreeable and probably supports “the current thing.” They don’t mind being spoon-fed their opinions, and – when confronted with any information that goes against the narrative they know – they wait to see how the group feels because they tend not to think for themselves.

This sounds harsh, I know. Some people may have overinflated egos and wrongfully think that everyone around them is an NPC – and therefore, undeserving of respect or love. We shouldn’t adopt main-character syndrome and treat other humans like inconsequential side characters in our IRL RPG, a.k.a. role-playing game. 

It’s okay to be a little basic every now and then, but there’s a big difference between being normal and being an NPC. So, which one are you? Take the quiz to find out!

Oh my! A virus that poses virtually no permanent threat to your health is spreading around the nation. In response, you…

  1. Cancel travel plans, baptize your groceries (and yourself) in hand sanitizer, isolate yourself from your family and friends, and inject your body with three, four – maybe up to six or seven – doses of experimental gene therapies to prevent your slim chance of flu-like illness.

  2. Continue to eat a well-rounded, nutritious diet (including hearty protein sources, fat sources packed with omega-3s, and colorful and fresh fruits and vegetables), partake in regular exercise, relish in fresh air and sunshine on the daily, and spend time with your loved ones.

You’re getting eerily close to “hitting the wall”! Time to tie the knot or remain forever alone with only the company of several cats. But it feels like you’ve got to drag your man to the altar! So, you…

  1. Research different ways you can expedite the process – planning out the picture-perfect proposal that he’ll definitely want to brag about all over social media (right?) and figure out how you’re going to get down on one-knee. Will you ask for his hand in marriage through a sentimental card? An engagement watch? Maybe you’re ready to splurge on a rock for him to wear instead. Soon enough, the commercials will be saying: “She went to Jared!”

  2. Have a serious heart-to-heart with your man and see where his mind is. Does he truly envision a long life with you, hand-in-hand together, triumphing against life’s inevitable curveballs – or is he just trying to keep things casual? You value being valued. You know you want children, and you’re not willing to wait until you no longer can conceive without medical intervention. I mean, if he wanted to, he would!

It’s the talk of the town. Yet another tragedy gets picked out of the many that are normally ignored and propped up by the media – but definitely not for any particular political agenda! Bella Hadid, the Jenner sisters, and more are all posting vague black squares on social media “in solidarity” against racism. You…

  1. Post a black square too. Duh! The last thing you want strangers on the internet to think is that you’re a super, mega-racist who promotes white-on-black violence and police brutality. Your public image matters a lot to you, so you want people to perceive you as being on the right side of history. You’re compelled to support identity-based social causes, and you totally reject the notion that your heartfelt social media posts are mere performative activism. What’s so performative about donating your hard-earned cash to anti-racist (and totally not corrupt) organizations?

  2. Stay in your lane, recognizing how race relations actually worsened when people doubled down on alleged “white supremacy” and “systemic racism.” You’ve read about how race hustlers gamified white guilt to gain the favor of corporations – to the tune of $83 billion – and observed how no dollar amount could satisfy loud, radicalized activists. I mean, they’re still demanding that you pay reparations for crimes you and your family never committed to people that they’re not even remotely related to. You know you’re not racist and don’t need to prove anything to grifters.

Uh-oh! You just heard that the Arctic is about to be totally ice-free, and you’re so bummed that the penguins (they live there, right?) will no longer have a home. And worse – the red meat you eat is apparently gouging a permanent hole in our ozone layer. You decide…

  1. It’s time to go vegan, or maybe flexitarian, because your head gets so foggy when you’ve gone too long without iron-rich meat or choline-packed eggs. But not too many yolks – heaven forbid you raise your cholesterol levels! You saw that your long-time celeb crush Leo DiCaprio is investing in Beyond Meat and HIPPEAS, so you DoorDash yourself some KFC “Beyond Fried Chicken Nuggets,” or you add those lil seed oil-laden chickpea puffs to your Instacart order. Fingers crossed, your delivery driver has a plug-in E.V.!

  2. You read up on several sources beyond what the establishment media is spoon-feeding to you on the television and on your social media feeds. Turns out, most of the major players in the eco-warrior world are climate hypocrites and corporations are guilty of greenwashing, rather than actually making any meaningful difference. You know that a plant-based diet makes you feel totally in the dumps, and you feel even more skeptical seeing fervent vegan activists legitimately dying from their dietary choices and celebrities ditching their meat-free lifestyle to be able to have normal energy levels or conceive healthy babies. You’re not susceptible to their obvious propaganda.

It’s date night! You’re mulling over your options for the perfect evening with your man and decide…

  1. If you two go out, you’ll don a hot number and order one, two, three, maybe four vodka sodas before stumbling home for some Netflix and chill. Sure, you may not actually watch what you put on because you’re a little bit distracted doing butt stuff…but! You’ve got streaming subscriptions to Netflix, Max, Prime, Paramount +, Disney+, Apple TV+, Pluto, Mubi, Hulu, voodoo, you do, moo moo…so you might as well put on The Office for some background noise.

  2. You doll up a bit so that you look (and feel) your best before the two of you decide if it’s time for a cozy night in or if you’re in a good place to splurge on a night out. I mean, you’re no stick in the mud, but you’re pragmatic and know that this economy might warrant a loan for the standard of date that you used to enjoy. But you two have some tricks up your sleeve (like board game night, staycations, local hikes, or cooking together) if you’re not going out on the town. If you do go out, your mind is buzzing with romantic ideas, no matter if it’s autumn or summer and no matter if it’s your first date or your 201st.

Mostly 1s

You’re an NPC! You tend to lack independent thought and blindly follow the leader. When asked for your thoughts or opinions on current events, you tend to regurgitate doctrine straight from your mainstream in-group’s talking heads. 

Much like a video game character programmed by the developers, you lack an inner monologue, and while you appear to be a living, breathing human, your canned thoughts, “opinions,” and dialogue feel eerily artificial. 

It’s not that you’re just an average Joe or Jane – nothing wrong with having a normal 9-to-5 or being a stay-at-home mom – you’re just fundamentally incurious about the world around you, or simply not concerned.

Mostly 2s

You’re a main character! Thoroughly curious about the world around you, instead of just rolling with the punches, you analyze, evaluate, contemplate, and deliberate. Maybe you’ve been called disagreeable or argumentative from time to time, but you’re not a black sheep for bad reasons – you see through lies and cannot sleep soundly knowing you’re just cajoled and complacent. 

To be clear: You don’t have “main character syndrome” because you don’t lack empathy. You recognize how self-centered behavioral patterns can negatively impact anyone who crosses your path. But you’ve swallowed one too many red pills (not to be confused with the manosphere’s red pill) at this point to buy into the narrative.

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