How To Feel More Confident In Yourself (Starting Today)

Great things don’t happen overnight, but there are countless steps you can take today to get yourself on the road to killer confidence levels.

By Andrea Mew6 min read
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Do you feel poorly about your body image? Do you shrink in crowds, wishing you could just disappear and reappear safely back home where you can let your guard down and be yourself? Do you feel out of place in your school or work environment, as if you’re an imposter who doesn’t belong among successful peers?

If you find yourself wishing you could have it all together but not knowing how to become that girl, you might be experiencing low confidence. You’re not alone. Many of us – myself included – have warped perceptions of our own worth, but we’re actually far more critical of ourselves than we should be. Building confidence is a slow process and a learned skill, much like teaching yourself a new language, but with intentional, daily practice you could feel more confident today, tomorrow, and for years to come.

Don’t Knock the Power of a Good Makeover

I don’t know about you, but if I’m not at least partially put together, I feel pretty crummy. Even the smallest beautifying pick-me-ups can change my entire mood, from running a flat iron through my hair to smooth down any frizz to elevating my outfit with more intentional style choices instead of whatever feels comfiest in the moment. 

By this logic, think about how great it would feel to spend a day focusing on a makeover? It doesn’t have to be anything dramatic or super expensive, but try getting a fresh haircut, buying a few new cosmetics, or trying new techniques with products you already have, and treating yourself to a few smart, new wardrobe essentials that you can mix and match with endlessly. Not sure if you want to try out a trend? Borrow a piece or two from a trusted friend or try using a clothing rental system like Nuuly to discover your personal style. 

Here’s another makeover tip that won’t cost you a dime: Purge the things you don’t like anymore. If it doesn’t bring you joy (looking at you, Marie Kondo), then maybe you don’t really need it! That pair of lacy underwear which used to be cute but now the holes have grown far too wide in the wash? Ditch them! Regularly culling through what you do have and determining what needs to be tossed and what can be donated is a great way to make you feel like you’re reinventing yourself without spending a dime.

With a bit of a makeover, no matter how big or small, you’re bound to feel more confident. The way we present ourselves matters!

Journal Your Intentions and Progress

A woman I’m close to (who has killer confidence levels) has a yearly ritual that I deeply admire but could never fully commit to. At the turn of every new year, she writes out the theme she wants her year to take. That theme could be a statement of intent that she wants to pursue like “Grow wiser with every day,” and then on a weekly and daily basis she develops new ways to live out that theme. She keeps her statement on a mirror, but using a journal to write out your personal growth goals can be a great way to track your progress more privately.

You can also use a journal to write out things you’re grateful for. Practicing daily gratitude brings us internal joy and helps us project that joy outwards. When you’re regularly taking into account all of the unique blessings you have in your life – trust me, there are plenty you probably forget about, and I do it too – you’ll feel more vibrant.

Another great thing to journal is your own daily affirmations. That might take the form of a Bible verse that you apply to your day or week, but it also might be as simple as writing out a new “I am” statement every day like “I am bright,” “I am wanted,” or “I am loved.” So many of us turn to self-deprecating humor in order to mask our low self-confidence, but negative self-talk actually reinforces that poor perception of self-esteem!

Be More Exclusive with Your Body and Soul

Women are prone to putting the needs of others before our own, thanks to our maternal instincts, but in dating that can really easily backfire on us. People pleasing in our relationships might lead us to excuse poor behavior and double standards or settle for a hookup. But recent studies have revealed that women who partake in hookup culture actually have lower self-esteem! You deserve to be treated well by your boyfriend. Confident women won’t settle for less than what they’re worth. Build your confidence back up by understanding your personal worth…and that doesn’t just mean your brain, it also means your body too.

Actually, Just Set Firmer Boundaries in General

Like I mentioned before, we’re natural people pleasers. Just because we’re drawn to service, it doesn’t mean we should let people step on our toes. How are you supposed to have good self-confidence if you’re constantly forgoing your own needs and dropping your boundaries?

Really analyze what you’re doing unnecessarily out of obligation and what you actually should spend your valuable time on. Some people can be a total drag to your psyche, and if you’re surrounding yourself with bad vibes you’re bound to feel worse. 

It may be difficult to start, but practice saying no. You have every right to detach yourself from negative people or situations that you aren’t obliged to be involved with. It won’t feel good at first thinking that you’re letting people down, but it will start to feel really good knowing that you’re reclaiming energy that belongs to you.

This doesn’t mean you should shut yourself off from other people entirely, though. You’ll feel your most empowered when you’re surrounded by like-minded, positive people. 

Finding the quintessential girl squad of women who share your same values in today’s day and age isn’t always easy, but the advent of the Internet and social media platforms has made long-distance friendships more accessible now than ever before. We’re pretty keen on the community of Evie girls we’ve gathered on social media. Haven’t followed our pages yet? Pop into the comments on one of our recent posts and start a conversation with another Evie girl!

Use Role Models To Uplift You, Not To Compare Yourself To

There’s nothing wrong with looking up to another person as a role model. For some ladies, that’s their mother or a mother-figure in their lives. For other ladies, that’s their older sister or best friend. In some cases, a woman’s role model might not even have any relation to herself, like a supermodel, influencer, actress, politician, or any other celebrity. 

Role models should be used as a positive frame of reference, however, and if you want to boost your confidence you shouldn’t compare your own perceived shortcomings to someone who has lived an entirely different life from you and has been dealt a different deck of cards.

Look, the grass is always greener on the other side! You don’t need to compete with other women; you need to recognize their unique qualities alongside your own and see if there are applicable habits that you can adopt that would actually benefit your life. For example, it’s no use idolizing Cindy Crawford’s natural beauty traits since you likely have very different facial features from her. It is worth learning about her success outside the modeling industry and how she became a businesswoman with her own line of cosmetics. Take notes of those types of admirable qualities, appreciate them, and then be mindful enough to take note of your own irreplaceable qualities. Once you start to see yourself for who you truly are instead of who you wish you could be, your self-esteem will surely rise.

Heal Your Body and Mind Through Movement

Remember how I mentioned before that your outer appearance really matters when it comes to self-confidence? If you’re not regularly doing maintenance on your physical health, you’re unlikely to have the best mental health you possibly could.  

Start by finding your favorite form of exercise. Don’t force yourself into something that makes you feel sick or overexerted; find something that lets you express yourself through movement. For me, I love the powerful way that weightlifting makes my body feel. I also love the way it makes my body look – a total win-win! For you, it might be disciplining your body in tune with classical music at the ballet barre, jogging in the brisk outdoors, or practicing daily yoga flows that vary in their rigor and meditative qualities. Studies show that your self-esteem increases and you have more positive body awareness when you get regular exercise. The best part is, there are so many ways to do it! Find your fitness niche and build up a healthy relationship with your physique.

Accept That You’re a Student of Life

Even the sagest women don’t know it all. Everyone is constantly learning, whether that means intentionally taking new classes or learning skills and crafts to add fresh talents to your resumé or simply just learning by listening. A confident woman can take a step back, be in the moment, and realize that there’s a lot to learn from those around her. She doesn’t have to be the center of attention, and sometimes she doesn’t even need to speak a word for her importance to be known. 

We know that people feel valued when they feel heard, so if you show that you’re open to learning from others by listening with intent to what those around you are saying – instead of figuring out the next thing that you’re going to say – you’ll feel more balanced from having a better understanding of the world around you and others will even perceive you as more confident.

I also urge you to ask questions. Ask as many as you can without getting redundant! It’s better to admit when you don’t have knowledge of something instead of flubbing it and having that potentially come back to bite you in the butt. People love to feel like they are helpful or can answer a question that will help you grow. A woman with self-esteem can admit where she needs the expertise of another and then soak in that information. Confidence is sexy, but ego isn’t. You should adopt a growth mindset and remain open to new ideas.

Don’t Let Others Define You

Don’t let a brand name define you. Don’t let a boy define you. Don’t let your race define you. Don’t let any immutable characteristics define you. Identity is en vogue at the moment, and while it may seem like a confident move to proudly display a few select characteristics about you – ethnicity, MBTI type, astrological sign, gender, sexuality, you name it – this behavior gives people around you carte blanche to box you in to a stereotype.

Be authentically you and let your defining characteristics be the worth and work you have put in, not fleeting obsessions or traits you had no role in deciding would be part of what makes you you.

Practice Altruism in Meaningful Ways

Altruism is proven to boost your joie de vivre, but being honestly altruistic can’t be faked. I don’t mean rounding up your coffee order to the next dollar for a charity that you haven’t done any research on. I mean giving back to your community in a variety of ways, small and large. 

You can mentor or tutor young students, volunteer at your church, foster a cat or dog, foster children, work in a community garden, teach a skill at a local summer camp, help out at a senior center, organize a garage sale or food drive for a cause that matters to you, do a beach clean up, work some shifts at a food bank, serve on the board of a community organization or local political group…whatever floats your boat! Peruse Facebook groups local to you or check out a website like Volunteer Match to find opportunities that plug you in to giving back.

Being genuinely altruistic takes self-discipline and reduces any self-centered feelings you may start to develop when trying to become more confident.

Closing Thoughts

Building up confidence in your younger years is really important. When you go to have children, you’ll want to be able to instill good habits that come from confidence so that you can help them navigate decision-making and grow into productive members of society. There are so many steps you can take to build up your self-esteem, and this list is by no means exhaustive. Again, it won’t happen overnight, but I promise you that with practice, you too can get that je ne sais quoi vibe of a truly confident woman who is ready to handle whatever the world throws her way.

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