How To Be A Seductress

“Seduction” tends to get a bad rap among the masses. Many believe seduction has to do with tricking a person into hopping into bed, along with other game-playing techniques where you rip the person’s heart out and laugh about it hysterically with your buddies. But seduction is about so much more than sex.

By Jenny White4 min read
Pexels/Julie Carver

By far, my all-time favorite seductress is Cleopatra. The cunning Egyptian ruler seduced two Roman emperors into doing her bidding in her quest to achieve world power. And you might be surprised to learn that Cleopatra wasn’t known to be a stunning beauty. The ancient historian Plutarch, born about a century after Cleopatra’s death, wrote, “Her actual beauty was not in itself so remarkable. It was the charm of her presence that was irresistible.” Other “accounts from ancient Roman history depict Cleopatra using her feminine charms to bewitch and influence powerful men of the ancient world. Her wit and intelligence were often downplayed or overshadowed entirely by her sexiness in accounts written by her Roman critics.” Cleopatra illustrates how seduction is more of a psychological entanglement with a man than a technique entirely based on female beauty alone. 

So how can you, as a modern woman, be more like Cleopatra? And just what are the many seductive tools at your disposal to captivate men and get them hooked?

Piquing a Man’s Imagination Is Key

Many women today are the victims of a bait-and-switch campaign that convinced them they have to “bare all to be all” to a man. Allegedly, the more skin you show (and give) to men, the more they will cherish you and desire you.

Wrong. Seduction is a play on a man’s imagination. To be his ultimate fantasy girl, he must use his imagination to create an image in his mind of you, the ideal woman – the woman he longs to capture and possess in a battle of thrilling and intoxicating wills.

Robert Greene describes this kind of interaction in his book The Art of Seduction: “By showing only glimpses of flesh, they would tease a man’s imagination, stimulating the desire not just for sex but for something greater: the chance to possess a fantasy figure. Once they had their victims’ interest, these women would lure them away from the masculine world of war and politics and get them to spend time in the feminine world – a world of luxury, spectacle, and pleasure. They might also lead them astray literally, taking them on a journey, as Cleopatra lured Julius Caesar on a trip down the Nile. Men would grow hooked on these refined, sensual pleasures – they would fall in love. But then, invariably, the women would turn cold and indifferent, confusing their victims. Just when the men wanted more, they found their pleasures withdrawn. They would be forced into pursuit, trying anything to win back the favors they once had tasted and growing weak and emotional in the process. Men who had physical force and all the social power – men like King David, the Trojan Paris, Julius Caesar, Mark Antony, King Fu Chai – would find themselves becoming the slave of a woman.”

Never be afraid of letting a man fantasize about what he can’t touch and what he can’t see. Never fear letting his imagination ponder what it’s going to take to win you. Because men want to possess you. And they will never tell you this, but they want to work for that possession. What he can’t see and touch makes him work that much harder to behold and capture what has yet to be within his grasp.

Leverage Sincere Compliments

It’s a fact that the majority of men receive very few to no compliments. Why is this? Men typically go unnoticed for the more immediate aspects of themselves. We tend to notice a woman’s arresting beauty, her shoes being tall and stylish, and her flowing locks, but men aren’t in the spotlight in this manner. They aren’t teeming with the more obvious features of style, glamour, and beauty. Unless he’s Brad Pitt or Cristiano Ronaldo, men go largely unnoticed and don’t receive many compliments.

That’s where you come in. A few compliments that land stealthily on his ears and especially on his ego will immediately catch his attention and keep it. Admire his hands. Tell him you like the shape of his fingers and his nails. Tell him he smells great. Ask him what cologne he’s wearing and tell him it complements his physical makeup in a way that sends your heart racing (but stop right there, no need for any X-rated dirty talk, he’ll easily catch on). Tell him he’s great at what he does. Is he a C-suite level exec at a Fortune 100 company? Tell him he’s just the right man for the job. 

Make it a point to butter him up with sincere compliments. But never go overboard because, to the seasoned and much wiser men among us, they won’t trust it. They will feel it’s insincere, and their defenses will go up, which you never want to do in seduction. 

Know When To Give Him Space

In any budding relationship, or even in any long-standing relationship, there is bound to be some friction and some tension. Which can work in your favor because when men feel tension, they often desire space, even more so than when butting heads or arguing. 

I always stress to the women I coach that men process time and space very differently than women do. Men have working hormones (vasopressin), where they need to spend time away from the problem at hand in an effort to solve it. 

Thus, when you get the impression that he is backing away from you, is aloof, and has other things on his mind that he’s dealing with, this is the opportune time for you to step away and let him return to you.

Never yell at him and announce, “I am leaving. It’s obvious you don’t care about me, so I’m gone!” Instead, say to him, “I can tell you’re in a bit of a bad mood, and I understand you’re under some stress. Maybe we can talk a little later when you are feeling more relaxed.” Then, proceed to give him the time and space to recollect himself, gather his thoughts, and more importantly, to miss you while he’s away.

With men, this will work every single time without fail. When they realize you understand their need for time and space, and more importantly, that you respect their needs, they will get hooked.

You are not forcing your will upon him. You’re not trying to control him. And to men, that is very seductive because they feel they are in the driver’s seat. They have the time, space, and freedom to process their feelings and emotions and to return when they are fully ready to address problems in the relationship.

He will be clamoring to spend much more time with you when you learn to respect his time and space. It’s very seductive because few women will give a man the freedom to address issues in the relationship in a way that is flexible and considerate so that they can come back and resume being present.

Closing Thoughts

Seduction has far more to do with getting inside a man’s mind than getting in his pants. It’s a psychological play on his imagination that grips his emotions, where he will be forced to fill in the blanks and dig much deeper to win you and keep you. Never fear letting a man’s mind wander. Because the first place it will return to is you.

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