We’ve all had that conversation with a friend freshly out of a breakup. Perhaps things just ended with the guy she thought was “the one,” or maybe she realized that he wasn’t right for her and she made the tough decision to move on. Even more likely, her heart is broken from what feels like the eternal wait for Mr. Right, while everyone else seems blissfully absorbed in a perfect relationship.
Your friend is going through a rollercoaster of emotions right now, and she's coming to you with a broken heart, hoping you can help her pick up the pieces. She doesn't know what’s "wrong" with her. Why can’t she stay together with a guy for more than three months? Why can’t she find a boyfriend, period? Or why aren’t there any good guys left in the world?
Whether you're in the same boat as she is and haven’t dated anyone in years, or you’re about to walk down the aisle with the man of your dreams, having this conversation might not be as difficult as you’d think.
What To Say To Your Single Friend Who Doesn’t Want To Be Single
Let your friend talk it out first and vent to you. Sometimes getting her thoughts out of her head is half the battle. Listen and hear what she has to say. There might be much more going on than you might see or think at first, and truly listening can help you be more empathetic and accurate in your response.
Try to help change her perspective on her singleness. We have all heard the mantra “Today is the first day of the rest of your life,” and this is so true. Each day brings new possibilities, both big and small, and we never know what could be right around the corner. Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you’re unlovable or that you will never find the one for you. Rather, it’s a time of so much excitement and possibility!
Tell her this is a crucial time to focus on herself, a time for growth that she may never get again. We all roll our eyes when people joke that love “comes when you are least expecting it,” but experts say this is true! So many women think this phrase means that they should act uninterested, or as if they shouldn’t care about dating. This isn’t the case at all! Instead, this is a time to lean into new hobbies that maybe you’ve been wanting to try, to invest in those around you such as friends and your family. Book that workout class, schedule a trip somewhere you’ve never been, spend more quality time with your family who you maybe haven’t seen in a while. This could be the perfect time to focus on your prayer life, a tremendous source of stability, peace, and joy. Sometimes a season of waiting can be the most incredible season of growth. A woman has never been more attractive than when she is focusing on her own growth and genuinely living a good life rather than waiting around and acting desperate to be in a relationship.
Encourage your friend to put herself out there in every area of her life, not just with men! Every single rom-com starts off with the girl who is navigating something new. Whether its Elle Woods chasing down Warner at Harvard Law, Anne Hathaway slaving away for fashion designer Miranda Priestly, or Andy Anderson seeing if she can somehow get a guy to fall in love with her to launch her journalism career, there are always seasons of uncertainty and countless mess ups along the way. No, life is never a rom-com (though we wish it was), but sometimes trying something new can be the launching pad to exactly what you're looking for! Encourage your friend to do new things, go to more events with people her age, pursue that degree she’s been thinking about for years now, or whatever it might be – this is a great way to grow her confidence, get her mind off her ex, and to meet new people in the process.
Remind your friend that she could date the entire world and still be unhappy. Just because she is currently single, doesn’t mean anything is wrong with her. In fact, not at all! She is simply holding out for the right one! It's important to remind her that past relationships may not have been meant to be and hoping he will come back or going back to him could keep her from whoever really is. Remind her of this, that so much better could be just on the horizon.
Encourage your friend who is sad about her singleness to be who she wants to attract! In the dating world, we hear again and again people complaining they can’t find a great guy or someone who matches their values. Girls will repeatedly talk about striking out with terrible guys who are seemingly everywhere. However, the world is full of good men, and it’s so easy to forget that after a subpar first date. Singleness is a perfect time to re-evaluate yourself to see if you’re living as someone you would want to date. We often hold up standards for others that we may not be matching ourselves, and odds are, if you aren’t living up to these standards, you may not be attracting your dream guy. Encourage your friend to become the person she would want to date.
It can be so easy to get bogged down in the mundaneness of singlehood and to see it as an unpleasant and transitory time. Maybe you or someone you know is going through heartbreak or is simply tired of waiting for the right guy, but you can help them reframe this narrative – to see their singleness as a blessing and an opportunity for good things to come.
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