In true 2020 fashion, the 16th season of “The Bachelorette” is unconventional.
39-year-old Clare Crawley’s season was put on hold due to the coronavirus pandemic and was filmed over the summer at a La Quinta resort instead of the Bachelor mansion. Clare ended up choosing her fiancé two weeks into the show, leaving the remainder of the men with 29-year-old Tayshia Adams as their Bachelorette.
However, this twist still hasn’t stopped the show’s tradition of toxic contestants, and this season’s culprit Yosef Aborady wasted no time in proving that our modern hookup culture helps create toxic men.
Yosef’s Toxic and Abusive Behavior
30-year-old Yosef Aborady started causing controversy on the first night of the new season. The single father from Alabama was accused of messaging women on social media before going on the show. Yosef was quick to deny the accusations and received a rose during the first rose ceremony, as his accuser was eliminated.
Yosef’s behavior didn’t improve during the first week of dates. Though he wasn’t a part of the controversial strip dodgeball date, he was quick to criticize Clare among his fellow contestants. He then confronted Clare about it at the cocktail party, calling the date (that he wasn’t a part of) “humiliating and degrading.” He questioned her intentions of being on the show to find a husband and claimed he wouldn’t want his 4-year-old daughter or his family seeing him do that on television. He then called her “classless,” said he “expected more from the oldest Bachelorette,” and said he was “ashamed to be associated” with her.
It Turns Out That Yosef Is a Bit of a Creep Himself
Regardless of how you felt about the strip dodgeball date, there’s no denying that Yosef took this conversation too far. What makes this story interesting is that Yosef doesn’t appear to be the virtuous father that he claims to be. Echoing a similar sentiment from the accusation that Yosef was messaging other women before going on the show, TikTok user Carly Hammond came forward about her relationship with Yosef.
In her video, she claims that Yosef messaged her without telling her he was going to be on the show. She also claims they discussed having kids and getting married before receiving a Snapchat video of him “jerking off to another girl.” He then unfriended Carly on Snapchat in hopes that she didn’t see it, but the damage was done.
First off, receiving a Snapchat like that is any woman’s worst nightmare. It’s completely degrading and disgusting. It’s also ironic since Yosef shamed Clare for sexualizing the contestants on the show to a much lesser degree. Carly shared the story with famed Bachelor Nation spoiler blogger Reality Steve, who verified her story.
Despite the blatant hypocrisy on Yosef’s part, this story is also interesting because it’s the perfect example of how modern hookup culture creates men with toxic attitudes about women, sex, and relationships.
Hookup Culture Encourages Men's Toxic Behavior
It’s no secret that hookup culture is unhealthy for women, but it’s also unhealthy for men. When discussing how the sexes struggle with hookup culture, Peggy Ornstein, author of Boys and Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity, writes, “Boys, too, then, need a strong counternarrative to develop grounded, realistic perspectives on women, men, sex, and love. Frankly, without it, there is a chance that they won’t see women as fully human, and that they will view sex as something a female partner does for them and that they do to her.”
Hookup culture normalizes viewing our sexual and romantic counterparts as sex objects.
Hookup culture normalizes viewing our sexual and romantic counterparts as sex objects. It’s often painted as empowering for young women to see men like this, but degrading when men view women as sex objects. Hookup culture normalizes this behavior for both men and women. With the rise of dating apps and casual sex, it makes sense why young men and women degrade their sexual counterparts and often feel entitled to sex. Men try to express their masculinity through sexual conquest, but this couldn’t be further from what healthy masculinity actually looks like.
Confusing Sexual Exploits with Masculinity
Unfortunately, many young men have been tricked into believing that a masculine man is one who hooks up with multiple women and doesn’t succumb to the weakness of emotions and commitment. This definition of masculinity paints men as conquerors and exploiters rather than protectors and leaders.
A real alpha man makes sacrifices to provide for his family. He’s not afraid to call out toxic behavior and knows his sense of masculinity doesn’t rely on the number of women he’s been with. He doesn’t put on a macho front to look like a man, and he definitely doesn’t degrade women and treat them as sex objects.
Toxic hookup culture paints men as conquerors and exploiters rather than protectors and leaders.
Yosef from The Bachelorette is the perfect example of a young man who has been led to believe that true masculinity is toxic. The normalization of hookup culture has led him to believe that he’s entitled to sex and that he’s allowed to act childish when it’s denied. He doesn’t view women as human beings worthy of being treated with respect; he views them as playthings for his own desires. Unfortunately, so many young men behave this way, and the only way to stop this problem is to demand better.
Yosef’s behavior on and off-screen is unacceptable. Though it’s easy to call this another case of toxic masculinity, it's in truth a case of the lies hookup culture tells young men about masculinity. A truly masculine man doesn’t need to objectify and degrade women to make himself feel better. A truly masculine man treats women with dignity and respect.