Much has been said about “alpha males,” a term used to describe a desirable man who is successful and attractive to many women.
But our culture has set up a warped view of what an alpha man really is, and what women should desire or find attractive in a man — too often painting promiscuous playboys as desirable.
In reality, the real alpha men are family men. Here’s why:
A Promiscuous Man Is Not an Alpha — He’s Weak
Too often people use the word “alpha” to describe a man who sleeps around. A celebrity who is seen with a lot of different girlfriends is often dubbed an “alpha male.” But he’s not an alpha — he’s a playboy. A true alpha isn’t promiscuous — he’s a man who has himself under control and is family-oriented.
A good man invests in one woman.
Good men don’t seek the short-term, meaningless pleasure of sleeping with a lot of women — they invest in one woman and take on the long-term responsibilities that come with raising a family. A real alpha is strong. He exercises self-discipline and holds back his base instincts, so he can be responsible for those around him — especially a wife and children.
Male Promiscuity Hurts Men Too
Some say that it’s not bad for men to be promiscuous because it’s in their nature. The argument is that men naturally have a drive to sleep around, and they need to gain sexual experience to attract women — even one who will eventually be their wife when they decide to settle down.
Casual sex will still damage a man’s psyche and hurt his chances for a long-term pair bond and a family.
While it’s true that some men do desire to be promiscuous, that doesn’t mean being a playboy doesn’t damage men — and it isn’t attractive to healthy women, either. Men may not tie their emotions to sex the same way women do, but having casual sex will still damage a man’s psyche and hurt his chances for a long-term pair bond and a family. He’ll end up feeling deeply unfulfilled, guilty, and depressed after repeatedly using women for his hedonistic desires, with no intention of caring for one woman long-term. Women who are serious about long-term relationships and family life can spot this — and certainly won’t find it attractive.
A Real Alpha Has Self-Discipline
A real alpha thinks about women from a higher level, and this makes him a good man and potential father. His perspective is that women are to be cherished, protected, and cared for, which means he must control and discipline himself against the desire to be promiscuous.
A real alpha man believes it’s his role to provide and protect women and children.
A real alpha man believes it’s his role to provide and protect women and children. This mindset sets him up for long-term fulfillment, not short-term pleasure. A real alpha rises above his base instincts so he can have a family and contribute positively to society as a whole. While it may be hard for men to rein in the instinct to be promiscuous, it’s often the hardest things in life that are most worth doing.
Women Should Filter for Real Alpha Men
For women, becoming involved with a man who has a reputation for sleeping with a lot of other women leads to hurt. Women often think a man will come around and choose to settle down with her if only she gives him what he wants quickly — sex — but that’s usually not the case. As a sexual gatekeeper, women should be discerning and protect themselves from playboys, who are just masquerading as alphas. A woman who wants a family should look for a man who talks about marriage and wanting children, and doesn’t try to sleep with her quickly. These are signs of a real alpha — a family man.
A genuine alpha male is a man who can resist the urge to be promiscuous, even though it may be available to him. If he’s in control of his own urges, that means he can be in charge of bigger things, like providing and protecting a family. Without the ability to say “no” to himself and to sacrifice for the good of others, he won’t only find himself unfulfilled long-term, he won’t be able to attract a good woman and handle having a family.
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