If you're on dating apps now, you'll know that it's become a trend to list your vaccination status in your bio – and even eliminate prospective dates by whether or not they're also vaccinated.
The men I’ve surveyed postulate that most guys will submit to getting the Covid vaccine just to have access to women for sex, not necessarily because they think it's the best health decision. But there are also those men who think the sex isn’t worth the shot. Since there’s a great deal of uncertainty swirling around the pandemic and the jab itself, some men are sitting this one out.
Being in a relationship doesn’t give us the permission to assume we can change someone. You know how that works. It doesn’t. A healthy relationship centers on mutual respect, no hidden agenda, and acceptance. In relationships, we can follow the Hippocratic Oath doctors take too, “first, do no harm.” Ladies, no matter what, you can never change a man using sex because it’ll be an epic failure, and it’ll backfire. I wouldn’t even go there.
What Is Emotional Manipulation?
WebMD states emotional manipulation is when someone attempts to control the other person in a relationship through “dishonest or exploitive strategies to gain” what they want. Perhaps you’re just looking out for your man, and your behavior doesn’t fit the above definition of emotional manipulation. Londin Angel Winters, an intimacy coach and author of The Awakened Woman’s Guide to Everlasting Love, stated in Brides: “subtle manipulation involves seemingly ‘well-meaning or harmless’ gestures” that can lead to problems.
It implies you don’t trust him, you don’t respect him, or you don’t think he’s good enough.
Call it what you will, but any behavior that resembles even an inkling of manipulation is manipulation, and it does more damage than good. It starts small and innocent at first, but repeated actions can lead to toxic behaviors. Why play with fire in the first place? I know you mean well, but as the author, teacher, and pastor Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs says, “Any contempt or coercion on your part is rooted in fear and motivated by love,” but sex alone will not get you through to his heart, which is what you want anyway.
The Game Gets Old
Why is using sex as a weapon dangerous? Whenever either party needs to revert to games, tactics, bribery, or manipulation to get the other person to do something, that right there never leads to a healthy and successful relationship. It just kills it. If you stoop that low using tricks and games, you've already lost. A quality girl doesn't need to revert to low-value tactics to get her way. It implies you don’t trust him, you don’t respect him, or you don’t think he’s good enough. No man wants to be on the receiving end of that (and no woman either, for that matter).
Besides, a man who is serious about you doesn't need you to use sex to persuade his heart. Using it as a weapon is cheap, and that will not get you far. The guy may relent and submit to your tactics, but after a while, the game gets old because as individuals we don't want to keep our hearts open for people who are controlling and manipulative. We open up for those who can affect our hearts positively. If the guy submits to anything you’re pressuring him into, he'll resent you later on when he comes to his senses and realizes you're a controller and not someone who influences his heart. In the end, no one wins. (Also refer to my article on setting boundaries and why they’re necessary for relationships.)
A man who is serious about you doesn't need you to use sex to persuade his heart.
Often, it may not even be about getting a man to do what you want. Deep down, you want a real man – someone who leads, protects, and provides – not someone who caves and caters to your every whim. In relationships, we sometimes can get enamored with the other person to the point where we lose our sense of self and control, and then later control the other person instead. Draw the best qualities out of men by having integrity with yourself first.
Build a sustainable relationship on solid ground. A sustainable relationship built on love, trust, and honesty has legs to stand on if the sex wanes, which you can learn to spice up. (That’s a topic for another day.) When you also have mutual respect, no hidden agenda, and acceptance rooted in your relationship, those values will take the relationship further than ones built upon lies and deceptions.
Don’t Misrepresent Your Heart
So far, you see why emotional manipulation will hurt and hinder your relationship rather than build it up. You don’t win at this game because you’re misrepresenting your heart. You have the right motivation – love – but the message that comes across is not love. Since we know men and women think differently, guys will perceive your intentions his way. You don’t want him to lose respect and you at the same time. Let him see the best version of you and not the opposite.
A man who sees you as an honorable woman seeking to honor him will feel inspired to respond to your concern.
A man who sees you as an “honorable woman seeking to honor him” will feel deeply inspired to respond to your concern, says Dr. Eggerichs. This doesn’t imply the guy will do what you want him to do, but at least you can sleep at night knowing you didn’t undermine him to get what you want. Allow him to make choices he’ll feel good about because a mature man will accept responsibility for his actions and not blame.
When I polled the men whether it was worth getting the jab for sex, one guy told me he would break up with his girl if it had come down to that. Men want to be respected, and this also includes their bodies. And, men, if you're reading this, you don't need to get the jab for sex. You have every right to say no because it's “your body, your choice” too. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Ladies, if you’re looking for your knight in shining armor (I still believe in fairytales) to put a ring on it or are already married, leave the games out of it. If a guy wants to change, he will. A relationship based on lies sets the same tone throughout the life of the connection. Start the relationship off right – no games (unless they’re board games, those are cool in my book).
Love Evie? Let us know what you love and what else you want to see from us in the official Evie reader survey.