Nearly A Third Of Men Under 30 Aren't Having Sex

The number of men under 30 not having sex has nearly tripled in the last decade, and why is this? Sure, virginity is nothing to be ashamed of regardless of gender, but with such a drastic statistic, what could possibly be driving such an immense dip in male sexual activity?

By Simone Hanna3 min read
Shutterstock/Darya Chacheva

The Manly Man’s Monopoly 

Before we delve into who’s not getting sex, let’s have a look at who is: it’s none other than the “Chad.” You know the guy, the six-foot-five beach body with big bright eyes and perfect hair. The guy the good girl (and the bad girl) immediately swoons at, and the guy the “good guy” scoffs at. He’s the one you see plastered in film and TV. This “manly man” is the guy who creates the underdog; he’s the one who always gets the girl and stops the “good guy” from acquiring her interest. 

Well, this guy is just a “film trope,” right? Well, he may not be. These men are very much real, and they walk among us. It’s likely you’ve heard about the 80-20 rule before (the top 20% of men monopolize 80% of the sex with women), and we wonder if this “rule of thumb” between “beta” males has some validity to it? 

The “manly man” is the guy who creates the underdog.

Some have referred to this as “golden penis syndrome,” where a handsome masculine man is able to reel in large amounts of women because he realizes he’s a modern rarity for many. This guy also creates what’s dubbed an “alpha widow” (by those who buy into such terms) – this woman lands a chance with the “alpha” male and is forever “branded” by him; every man who comes after him will simply not compare. 

Although the 80-20 rule is still a disproven idea, and studies have backed “no” a little more, the variables here may be the lack of study involving this different nature of sex culture. And, of course, who are usually the ones to blame other people for their lack of sexual escapades? Ah, none other but the modern sub-group of “incels.” 

The Rise of Porn and Internet Culture 

Now, let’s establish that a man is not a “loser” simply because he chooses abstinence, but the “incel” is often bitter about it. Incels usually make up one of two categories: incels who hate women, and incels who fear women. 

Incels generally tend to fall into the trap of online pornography too. Some even start that way – and it makes sense: they’re horny, lonely, and aware women don’t want to date them, let alone have sex with them. But it’s “okay,” they don’t need to lose their virginity or find real love because they have porn to get sexual gratification from. 

A man isn’t a “loser” because he chooses abstinence, but the “incel” is often bitter about it.

But this habit helps nobody in the long term (and even short term). Not only are these men gratifying their sexual urges in a way that is very much unhealthy and causes physiological damage, but in the event these men someday do get into a relationship, they end up with a totally warped view of what sex looks like. 

The Decline of Young Marriages

This issue was to be expected, slightly. It makes sense, doesn’t it? Maybe young unmarried men aren’t virgins per se, but they are almost certainly more sexless. Studies over the years have shown the share of the male population ages 22-35 who have never been married and haven’t had sex in at least a year is higher than it was a decade or two ago. 

Marriage rates have been declining for years, and with marriage still becoming increasingly unpopular with the youth compared to how it once was, it’s not shocking as a factor as to why men are having less sex. The rate of unmarried men ages 22-35 is higher today than at any other time data has been recorded (going back to the late 1800s) – unmarried people generally have less sex; therefore, the sexless population increases. 

The rate of unmarried men ages 22-35 is higher today than at any other time data has been recorded.

Young Adults Are Living with Their Parents Longer 

So, they’re staying inside staring at screens, they’re becoming more afraid of human interaction, and they’re marrying less – what is causing this, and what is facilitating it? The National Survey of Family Growth (NSFG) over the years has shown that virginity, both voluntary and involuntary, is higher among men living with their parents. 

Around 8% of non-married young men still living with their parents are involuntarily celibate and another 7% are voluntarily so. Among men not still living with their parents, the stats are 4% involuntary and 2% voluntarily so. Statistics over the years that look at sex, rather than strictly virginity, show that unmarried men not living with their parents were about 17% sexless, while those still living with their parents made up 30%. 

Closing Thoughts

There is a multitude of reasons why men under 30 have become more likely to be sexless and/or still virgins. Technology and modern societal norms have done them no favors either – men today are lonelier, and they fear rejection and humiliation which leads them to stay away from intimacy. 

Men aren’t automatically doomed from lacking sex, but the number of men who simply feel useless and unable to attain sex and intimacy should not be as high as it is. Modernity has not aided them but has stacked the odds against them even more. 

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