Life happens. Everyone gets busy with work, extended family ties, friends, and so on. Unfortunately, sometimes things get so hectic that couples take each other for granted.
Without the effort to keep your relationship thriving, it will slowly drain away. The vibrance and energy of a life together can’t be taken for granted, and that means husband and wife can’t take each other for granted.
It’s easy to make excuses, but no promotion or online pizza deal will ever replace the man in your life, so taking the time to consciously appreciate him and your interactions together is the main factor in keeping those bonds strong and positive.
The Everyday Gestures
My husband and I have four kids. I work multiple writing jobs, he delivery drives, and someone always needs something. It’s hard enough just finding time to take a shower, so getting moments alone together is a constant battle.
Every morning, I get up and make sure I kiss him before I start my day. He has a habit of walking up behind me and massaging my neck while I do the dishes. Even when we’re both dying for some serious bedroom time and stuck doing something else, we text each other all day. Once he fulfilled one of my cheesy romantic fantasies and called me while I was unable to answer so he could leave a message singing, “I Just Called To Say I Love You.” I had never expressed this desire to him, but somehow we have that incredibly annoying intuition that two people in love sometimes possess: the ability to read each other’s minds.
Use words that show your appreciation and actions that communicate your love every day.
No, I’m not suggesting that anyone has to know their partner’s thoughts, but it is fun to try and give them what they want without them asking for it. And this can be done on a daily basis. Just buying a steak to cook for your man will keep him happy. What it comes down to is making an effort every day, especially with words that show your appreciation and actions that communicate your love.
Adding Everyday Gestures:
Wake up and consciously think of the man you love before you do anything else.
Do at least one sweet gesture each day. The small ones may seem insignificant, but they matter.
Verbally express your love, gratitude, or appreciation every day.
Pay attention to his mood. Is something bothering him? Is he tired or has he not eaten well? Do something to help elevate his mood based on what’s going on with him that day.
Spontaneity Is the Spice of Life
Sure “it’s the little things,” right? But sometimes everyone needs a little extra. A night out. A rainy day of binge-watching his favorite David Lynch movies. No matter how much we set aside time for everyday gestures, it’s also important to have a bit of spontaneous fun together.
I know not everyone can just randomly take off work. Babysitters need to be called. Dogs need to be fed. Yet, there is something incredibly sexy about last-minute decisions to change things up.
Even with four kids, every once in a while, I will finally be free from my desk and my husband will declare, “We’re going out.” It makes me giddy. I automatically look for the best dress in my closet and grab my makeup bag, just as his eyes gain an extra gleam when he has a bad day and I tell him, “Let’s go see that movie you wanted to see.” He knows I have no interest in reboots, rehashes, sequels, or prequals, but I will go and laugh and have fun with him because I know that even something as silly as deciding to see a terrible movie at the last minute is a fun reprieve from the everyday battles we face.
Don’t get married to your routine.
Be flexible and smart with your budget (I always under budget so we have a few extra bucks here and there, or sometimes we do random things within walking distance to our house to save on gas or just walk to the park).
Build a good support system of friends and extended family so you can call a favorite sitter at the last minute.
Let go of your hostility toward things he loves that you hate. If he’s into spicy food and you’re not, don’t be opposed to heading to his favorite Thai place so he can get some curry.
Make sure your gesture is not emasculating or too unwomanly. That can be a major turn off for a man.
The Grand Gestures Aren't Just for Men
Okay, men are usually expected to pull out all the stops for women (which seems a bit sexist to me). Honestly, it feels good to do something big for the man we love sometimes, so I will always encourage women to plan something big for their man at least once every few years (and when I say big, I mean big).
These kinds of things take time and care. Careful planning, and a knowledge that – like everything in life – something will probably go wrong. But it still must be done.
Plan something big for your man at least once every few years.
Whether it’s saving up to buy your husband an expensive issue of a classic Spawn comic, or taking him all the way to West Virginia because he wants to go to The Mothman Festival (yes, that is a thing. It is so much a very thingish thing), these big events are often once-in-a-lifetime opportunities that just shouldn’t be missed. And although these examples are costly (and that is really annoying), it doesn’t have to be something of that nature. It could be knitting him a sweater or building a mancave sculpture out of used beer cans. Maybe I’m getting too creative here, but honestly, you can never be too creative when you’re looking to show the one you love how much they mean to you.
Making a “Grand Gesture”:
Base what you do on him and his desires, not yours.
Take plenty of time to plan, budget, and/or set everything up.
Don’t let setbacks discourage you, just adjust accordingly.
Do not expect a certain reaction. If you imagine him scooping you up in his arms and carrying you away, and instead, he runs after a dude dressed like a moth screaming like a little boy, you’re going to be disappointed. But, remember, this is for him, not you.
We can’t always expect the man we love to be the one who brings home surprises or panders to romantic fantasy. Women need to put on the heels and garter it up too. If we don’t, passion dies, and things go south all too quickly.
It, of course, has to be balanced with reciprocation and that is not always something a woman can control, but a man is more likely to put in extra time and effort if he feels valued and cared for.
Help make Evie even better! Take the official Evie reader survey.