Will a romantic holiday spice things up and spark the intimacy we all crave? Or maybe you'd like to receive flowers or a thoughtful gift because you want to feel appreciated for everything you do? Or perhaps you just want to hear the words, "I love you. You’re the most beautiful woman in the world."
Whatever your reasons for wanting more romance, here are the three steps you need to take before requesting it from your husband.
Step 1: Be in the Right Frame of Mind
Firstly, it's important to be in the right mindset before asking anything from anyone, let alone your husband. Imagine if someone were to ask you for something that carried a negative implication about you with it. Would you respond better if you had a good rapport and the other person made you feel good about yourself and your relationship? Of course, you would.
A successful relationship has five positive interactions for every negative one.
So, before asking for more romance, make sure that your relationship is in a good state. You haven't just had a fight, for example. If the vibe between you and your husband is low and a little icy, wait until the dust has settled. If you ask while you're emotional, you might start complaining and demanding things, which will come across as if you're unhappy. This might make him feel guilty and comply, but it's not the best way to get him to do anything, in my personal opinion. Sure he’ll do what you’ve requested, but he’ll do it begrudgingly (which kills the romance).
According to research, to have a successful relationship, you need to have five positive interactions for every negative one. So make sure you've had a few positive experiences before making your move. When you're in a positive state and in the flow, you're more likely to influence him to want to step up of his own accord.
Step 2: Is It Within His Capacity?
Before asking for anything, it's important to consider whether what you're asking for is within his capacity. If you ask for what he can give, he will feel confident in being able to say yes and you will be happy to receive what you need from him.
Is his schedule so busy that he doesn't have the time or mental capacity to take on more responsibilities? If he has deadlines and goals to achieve by the end of the year, perhaps a romantic two-week getaway to Mexico isn't feasible, so what about opting for a long weekend stay in a luxury country hotel instead? It'll give you the alone time you desperately crave and will recharge both your batteries.
Try to only ask for what you think your husband can give you.
If you're both busy, perhaps asking for flowers, a thoughtful gift, or more sincere compliments is what you need to feel appreciated and elevated in the relationship. You know your situation best, so judge accordingly.
Step 3: Connect with Him
Now that you know it's the right time to ask for more romance and you know what you want, how do you go about asking your husband in a way that he will respond to positively? Short answer: connect with him first.
Have you ever noticed how children can ask for things from their parents, and most of the time, parents give in? (Or if they say no, they say it empathetically.) Look closely at how they ask. It usually goes something like this: "Mommy, have I ever told you how much I love you? You're the best mom in the world." The child looks at her mom with a big smile, which melts her mom's heart. Then the child conveniently says, "Mommy, I really want the new Barbie. Will you buy one for me, please?"
How can she refuse her daughter, right? Parents often give in because children know how to connect with their parents' hearts. They do it naturally, and they don't hold back their affection.
So think of ways you can connect to your husband's heart first. Can you tell him how much you love him and how amazing you think he is? What about telling him how you appreciate all the hard work he puts into the relationship and for providing a great life for you and the family?
Ask him for more romance while you're doing something fun and positive together.
Once you've connected with his heart first, then ask for what you want. If you want a vacation or flowers, express it. If you need to hear words of affirmation, tell him! You could say something along the lines of "Darling, I would love it if we could go on a holiday to X because it would make me so happy.” That’s it.
Another good tip is to ask him when you're doing something fun together, such as when you're on a walk, when you're driving to the beach, or when you're watching a film.
There's nothing wrong with wanting more romance; it's normal and okay to want to feel loved and cherished by your husband. Remember, when things are good between you and you regularly connect with each other's hearts, you'll naturally want to step up for one another.
Love Evie? Let us know what you love and what else you want to see from us in the official Evie reader survey.