When considering breast implants, would you opt for a cheap doctor charging $10,000 or less, or would you prefer the top surgeon charging $30,000 with a clientele of high-profile women? Chances are you wouldn't do the first option because you'd only increase your likelihood of getting botched. This is only an analogy, of course, but the same principle applies to matchmakers. If you go to a budget-friendly matchmaker, you'll only increase your struggles in finding romance. But if you choose the billionaire's go-to cupid, in this case, blonde bombshell Laura Jacobs, then you'll get the boutique treatment.
That's why some of the most successful men and women seek Laura's services and why thousands of girls join her database for free (yes, you read that right – for free). The process of joining a matchmaker's database is easier than you think, and I'm convinced it's a hidden secret in the dating market. So ditch Tinder and read on.
Here's everything you need to know about working with a matchmaker.
Nicole Dominique: How can women join a matchmaking service?
Laura Jacobs: So, you want to join something called the free database. That's at the link in my Instagram bio (see here) and every matchmaker should have a free database that women can join. That is the first step. That is the most important step. You want to create the best profile you possibly can. You want to put the best pictures, the best description of yourself.
You want to fill out every question. We have thousands and thousands of women in the database. That's what makes a good matchmaker, it's our network. That way, we can take any kind of client, so if a guy comes to us and tells us what he's looking for, I can search it and go, "Yeah, I have that girl."
So it's the power of your database, of your network of eligible great women. But a lot of women don't fill out the profile. They upload one photo and don't fill out anything. That's not helpful. Those are the main problems. But I suggest that any woman wanting to be called by a matchmaker join everyone's free database. You have nothing to lose. It's completely free to you. You don't know which matchmaker will have a guy for you. Every matchmaker has different clients.
I love our firm. We're amazing, but we have really high-end clients. I'm a celebrity and VIP matchmaker. I have clients that are billionaires, multimillionaires. Generally, but not always, that generally means an older clientele. The men are in their fifties and early sixties to accumulate that amount of wealth. So I have a ton of young girls who follow me on social media, but I'm not going to match them with that guy, right? So they should join other databases too. You have nothing to lose.
Sometimes I have younger clients. I have a client right now who's 31. It just depends. And just know that we have female clients, too!
(Note from Nicole: If you want to get Laura's attention, interact with her on her socials and be kind. Reach out for a thank-you. Do not spam her, please! This is a free service, after all.)
ND: What’s the biggest mistake girls make on their dating profiles?
LJ: The number one mistake girls make in their dating profiles is talking about an ex too much. I've seen it. I have to delete it. Or talking about how damaged they are or how they went through a really hard time recently. No guy wants to read that. No guy reading that profile thinks, “That's attractive.”
Also, this is a huge red flag to men: A lot of women will write in their profile that they're looking for a super generous man to pay for everything, and he has to be super successful. Obviously, we have wealthy clients. They don't want to read that. Maybe it works to get you a sugar daddy, but we're trying to get you married.
ND: Have you seen a pattern of men not interested in committing until they're much older?
LJ: Yes, definitely. I help a lot of women in their thirties who are looking for love and looking to get married and have a family. I met my fiancé when I was 33 and he was 41. We got engaged, and then I got pregnant at 34 and 36.
I've been where they've been. A lot of the women I coach are like 37, 38, 39. They're really in crunch time. They have to meet someone now who's ready. And the biggest struggle with them, that I find, is they're not attracted to 40-somethings, or older guys, or even early fifties because they're like, “They're too old,” and they want to keep dating 30 year olds. And I'm like, sorry, this is why you're single. You date too young.
I'll coach them, and we'll go through their dating apps. I'll see they're wasting their time with a 35-year-old guy. Sure, you can probably date a 35-year-old guy if you’re 39. You can maybe become his girlfriend, but the likelihood of him marrying you and having kids with you is extremely low.
More often than not, the guy will want to marry a woman younger than him. And if they don't, when they’re in their 30s, they're not ready. Even if they did want to marry you, the timeline is off. So the 39-year-old woman wants to get married right away and have kids right away. The 35-year-old men are like, “I'd like to wait five, six, seven more years.” So it's not even compatible.
ND: It's pretty interesting to see how society views both genders. For women, it's like, “Oh, you're 30-something. You should go ahead and have kids.” But then, if it's a man who's 30, it's like, “Wow, like you're settling down at 30? So young.”
LJ: I know. I believe men have a wake-up call at 40. The good ones – in bigger cities. I think in smaller cities, you still see a lot of guys get married and have kids in their 30s.
But in the cities where I work, like New York, Miami, LA, Vancouver, and Toronto, these guys are not getting married in their 30s. And unfortunately, if they are, I see that they get divorced. They get divorced because they got married too young. Again, not everybody, but the good guys have an awakening at 40. My fiancé had an awakening at 40. He realized, “Okay, I've made all this money. I have everything I want in my life. I don't have a family, and I don't have a girl. What the hell happened? What have I done wrong here?” And he had to assess things. He had to sit back and think about what he could do differently. And he decided to 100% prioritize his dating life over work.
Which was a crazy thing to do. But a lot of guys prioritize work first. Men have a blueprint, and until a man feels like he's made enough money, he doesn't really start thinking about settling down. I think men need to feel like they can provide for a family and that they're ready for that commitment. If they have money issues and problems or they haven't accomplished their goals, then they're not going to feel ready to commit. It's hard for a lot of them. So a lot of them at 40 are in a better place, and then they look around, they're like, “I've accomplished everything I want, career-wise, but I have no girl. I need to get serious.”
ND: We've received a good amount of responses from women in their 30s and up worrying whether or not they'll find men through a matchmaker. Are they valid in their concerns?
LJ: No, I’d say men want all different things. That's the great thing about men. That's the greatest part of my job is that I get to deal with all types of different requests from men. And it's crazy how what's attractive to one client is not attractive to another. Or what one client wants is totally different from another.
It's actually very interesting. For example, some clients will come to me, and they want to date between 30 and 50, and she has to be a size two. Others will tell me, “I want to date between 40 and 50. And I don't like really thin women. I want somebody curvier. I want a size eight.” It's fantastic. Everybody has a different type. And everybody has different wants. Everyone's attracted to different things. That's men.
There’s the stigma that men only want one form of beauty. I can tell you it's not true because I have men who come to me with all different wants. Some want a blonde, another guy might only want exotic women, but men have a preference. That's just how they are. And then they get to know you, and they open up and want to know about your personality. But you know, I think it's great when men have a preference because you should find a guy who prefers your type because he's never going to look elsewhere. You want a guy who is so into your type that he’s attracted for life.
ND: That’s refreshing, especially since women are always reading toxic posts from the manosphere, and women think that men just want somebody young and thin.
LJ: No, no, for sure, it's not like that. There's a lot of stigma. I have a client right now. He's 50. He's super successful, like billionaire level. And when we first spoke to him, he said he's open to any age – obviously not 20s. That's way too young. So we were sending him a lot of women in their 30s, and he was going on a bunch of dates. He went on three dates, then he called us and said, “Hey, guys, I need to adjust things. This isn't working. These women are not cerebral enough for me. It's not clicking.” He asked to go on dates with women in their 40s and 50s. He’s like, “I don't care as long as they're intelligent." And we're like, “We love this.”
He just went on two dates with one woman who was 46 and one who was 47. And he's like, “These are the best two dates you ever gave me.”
ND: What is a reason you would not take someone on as a client?
LJ: The biggest reason is being too picky, having unrealistic expectations, or having low morals. Every matchmaker has dealt with this before – I've straight up had 65, 70 year olds come to me and say they want hot 20-somethings. And I'm like, “Sorry, I'm not doing that. I need to sleep at night. Not happening.” I'm not a sugar baby dealer. I'm a matchmaker.
Sometimes, a guy tears every woman apart. He's like, “Nope. She's not thin enough. She's had too much filler.” I've had calls like this. I've had a lot of LA-type clients who are very wealthy, and they're 50s or even 40s, just tearing apart women. It's horrible. If the client is too looks-obsessed, I don't want to touch that. It's fine to have a preference; I think that's awesome. But to be so looks-obsessed that you're literally tearing apart women, it makes me sick. I can't do it.
ND: Do a lot of the opposites really attract?
LJ: I would like to say opposites do attract, but I think compatibility is more about values and lifestyles aligning. It's very important. You don't have to like all the same things. I had a client once who loved golf and insisted his woman did too. My fiancé and I don't do all the same things – he has hobbies like sailing. Do I have to go sailing with him? No, it's so stupid. I'm like, “You got to let this golf thing go. I have so many great women for you. They're not golfers, but you can teach them if it's really that important to you.”
What’s more important is liking the same things when it comes to dates and spending time together. There are certain guys who like to go to pubs, bars, and sporting events, and some women love that and some women hate that. I hate that. I would not be happy. But there are guys who love fine dining and wine, and my guy loves that. So our idea of a good time is the same.
So what is your idea of a good time? Does it align? You can't match somebody with someone who loves to travel the world and someone who hates planes. That's a lifestyle imbalance. That's not going to match. I think being in love and having that journey together is having a good time together all the time. So what is your idea of a good time? And is that their idea of a good time?
Obviously, values are important. Do they want to get married? Do they want kids? Do they not want kids? Those are major deal breakers. Religion can be a deal breaker. These are things we screen for.
ND: Is there an easy way to tell if you're compatible right away?
LJ: I would kind of give the same answer with values and what do you like to do for fun? And is it the same version of fun for that person?
You know, I think people focus too much on chemistry. I think they're really obsessed with chemistry. Women, especially. They’ll say, “I didn't feel chemistry.” I'm like, “Can you give him a second date, please?” You know, it's the first date.
They say, “I can't. I didn't feel chemistry,” and what they don't realize is that the chemistry they're looking for is this Oh my God, I can't live without this guy, and I have to be with him right away. That's actually toxic. That's your nervous system telling you this is a bad match for you. So I see a lot of women who go through life looking for chemistry and getting in these very toxic push-pull relationships where it's a situationship, the guy will not commit.
I've been in those relationships. What a waste of time. That's not your husband. That's not somebody who is going to be safe and stable. That’s not love. I have phenomenal chemistry with my fiancé, but I didn't sit down with him for the first time and feel like, “Oh my God,” because that feeling is actually unhealthy.
I know so many women who weren’t super into their husbands on the first date because they were “boring” or whatever. And then by date three, they're like, "Wow, actually, he's great." Good men, it takes them a while to open up. Only the narcissists and the cheaters are so entertaining on the first date and have you hooked like that.
ND: Yeah, it's like they know what to do, and they know what to say.
LJ: Yeah, they have game. They have so much game. They know what to do. They know what to say. They're players. So that's fine if you want to be with a player and you want to be on a roster, but it's very rare that that type of guy is going to be long-term.
ND: I have a question from someone who I think has been going on frequent dates, and she asks, “How do I know I got sick of going out on dates or getting to know someone? It's exhausting.”
LJ: Yeah, I feel you. I've been there. It is so exhausting. So what I used to do was take a break. Honor yourself. You don't have to just keep going, going, going, going.
Sometimes, that can be wasting more time because you're pessimistic and you're not open. So I call this intentionally dating, right? When I was intentionally dating and looking for my husband and father of my children, I used every avenue possible as a single woman. I was in every matchmaker's database. I was also matchmaking. I was on every dating app, and it was exhausting. It was like my full-time job to do this. And it's a lot of effort, and I would have weeks where I would have three, four dates in that week, and they would all be bad, and you feel so helpless, and you feel like sh*t, and you're like, I'm never going to find him.
I didn't push myself. I just was like, okay, I need a week off. I'm just not going to schedule dates this week. I'm going to just do self-care. I would go to the beach. I would find time to get my hair done and get a face mask. A week is a long time for a breather. Don't engage with any guys. Don't text them. You're not the energizer bunny. And then, after the week, I'm feeling like I want to get back out there. I know he's out there, and I'm going to keep the hope alive, and I'm going to get back on the horse, and I'm just going to keep going on dates.
But it's important to honor where you're at because if you're in a really bad space, your dates are going to keep going badly. It's kind of like a ripple effect. If you have a bad date, then the next one will be too because you're in a bad mood, you're not very open, and you're frustrated. As a woman, you don't want to give off frustrating energy. It's not attractive to men. So you need to breathe. We need breathers.
Sometimes, you just need a week off to honor your moods and honor where you're at, but don't ever give up. If you are determined to find him, you will. It’s all about balance.
ND: I have a question from readers early 20s and up who want to know how to meet people if they’re not in college.
LJ: They can definitely join matchmaker databases. Sometimes, they have younger clients. As I said, google every matchmaker and join their database. I would use dating apps, but use the good ones that are focused on relationships. Don't go on hookup apps.
There are apps that are hookup-based, and there are apps that claim, “This app is used for finding a relationship,” so go on those and just be very selective. Also, if you’re young, like 25, I would set your age limit no higher than 33 because you're going to be a target for pervy dudes who are too old for you. Put your age limits down and make sure obviously that you're safely dating from apps and you're checking their social media, making sure they're a real person, and you're sending locations to a friend or family member. My biggest tip from dating out is to make sure you FaceTime first.
Don't just meet a guy for a date you haven't met over FaceTime yet. It's scary. It's a stranger. Do a FaceTime. Make sure he looks like his pictures. Make sure he says he is who he is. Check his Instagram and check his LinkedIn. Make sure you're not being catfished.
ND: What would you say is your success rate? How many couples have you matched?
LJ: I think the success rate question is interesting. Success is different for everybody. Everybody defines success differently. So, have I set up a bunch of marriages and couples who live together, and people have had children because of me? And is that amazing? Yes. But every client who comes to me is not necessarily coming for that. Sometimes, the client is coming to me because they had a really terrible divorce, and it's been three years, they haven't dated, their self-esteem is low, and they just want to get back out there. They just need our help. They want a serious relationship eventually, but they are not ready for that. They just need to go on dates with women and have their hope come back to life.
Not every single person is coming to us saying, “I need to get married.” That's a great client to have. I love that client, but that's not everybody. I have a client right now that kind of happened to him, and he loves us. He's like, “You guys have got me back out there. I feel so much better. I feel like my confidence is renewed, and I think there's someone that I like and I would like to get in a relationship.”
You know what I mean? Not everybody is looking for the one. Everyone's in different phases.
So, the success rate is interesting because it's like, how does that client define success? And we always ask the client, how do you define success? In terms of working with us, what do you want? What is your outcome?
ND: How can women schedule an appointment with you?
LJ: They can go on my website laurathematchmaker.com. All the coaching and availability sessions are on there. If you're serious about your dating life, you should do one session with a professional. I mean, we invest in therapy all the time. I'm all for therapy – but the number of girls I've coached who have therapists who give them terrible dating advice is off the charts. It's your therapist, not a dating expert. Like stop, it's two different things. So if you're serious, you should be doing one session with at least someone. If it's not me, there are other people who offer it, too. Sometimes women are doing something wrong, or their profile is not attractive, and they don't realize it.
Sometimes, small tweaks are needed. Like a girl will come to me, she'll book a session because she signed up in the database and really wants to be matched. I'll look up her profile and do a deep dive. And she's wearing lingerie in all her pictures, even though she's a lawyer, not an OnlyFans girl. She might have a great body, but she's only attracting one type of man here. Unfortunately, men have different ways of viewing women.
ND: When it comes to pictures, what do you want people to enter into the database? Are selfies allowed?
LJ: Selfies are allowed, but please do not over-filter them. Selfies are fine, but try smiling. Men want positive energy. They want to think, “Oh wow, this girl's positive and seems to love her life.” They don't want some serious duck lip selfie. They want you to look happy and positive. Also, on the opposite spectrum, you have the girls uploading lingerie pictures or the girls who never upload a picture of their body at all or what they look like. All I want is a clear photo of you.
You can get a friend to go in your backyard on a sunny day, wear a pair of jeans and a black tank top, and take some smiling photos. I just need a clear shot of you. I think the thing is when I see a profile with four selfies and there's not one picture of her full-length, I feel bad because it tells me this girl is insecure about her body. And I think that is unfortunate because men like different things. So, to you, you're insecure, but you have no idea – I might have a client who only wants size 12 girls. That literally happens. So these girls don't understand they're actually doing themselves a disservice.
I can't match you if I don't know what you look like. Would you go out with a guy who just had a selfie and no full body picture? No, you wouldn't. Women are height-obsessed, and we know how they want to know how tall he is. He has to look good. It's the same for men, too. You have to make sure you're taking good, clear photos and no photos with other people in them. That is the worst.
And just looking cute is important. If you're out with your friends, and you're wearing a nice dress, not too scandalous, then take a photo with good lighting and smile. Men love that. You look elegant. You can look nice in jeans and a tank top. Nothing provocative, but we just need to see you. It's not super complex. People overcomplicate it.
ND: What’s the hidden secret (the app or website) to finding more men?
LJ: We have a women's guide on the website cinqe.com (see here), and we have a lot of this information in there. It answers really basic questions, and we put a lot of time into it. Helpful information on things like, “What should I do once I join the free database?” and “Do I schedule a call?” The answer is you don't schedule a call, just patiently wait. I think a lot of girls get really upset because they'll join, and then they'll DM me and ask, “How come you haven't matched me?” I say, “Well, I looked at your profile, and it's fantastic. But currently, I don't have any guys in your age range who want kids right now.”
So my clients are always changing. I take five at a time. I'm very boutique and curated. I will keep you in mind. That's the thing about a free database. There's no guarantee we're going to phone you, but you have to be patient. And I would join every matchmaker database. When I was single, that's what I did. I was in 10 databases, and I got called all the time.
ND: Oh, that's smart.
LJ: Yeah. Don't just join mine. Join every single matchmaker's. It's free. You have nothing to lose. Get some good photos. As a woman, instead of hiring a matchmaker, just invest in good photos, get a good photographer, do a couple of coaching sessions, join everyone's database, fully fill it out. You will get called.
It's a hidden secret because the matchmaker guys are vouched for. You're not just meeting a stranger off an app. We have vouched for the fact that this is a good guy. This guy usually wants a long-term relationship. If he has hired a matchmaker and put in that investment, then that investment means something, right? It's not about money. He's invested time. He's decided he's going to leave it to professionals to find somebody. So he's a good guy.
He’s looking for something serious, and he obviously is really successful. Because of those three factors, yeah, there’s a demand. A lot of women want to be matched. So, just join everyone's database. You don't know who you're a match for. Again, men like all different types of women, so you don't know who will have a client for you.
ND: Are there any disadvantages of working with a matchmaker?
LJ: Honestly, no. There's no con. Hiring a matchmaker is like hiring a professional dating assistant for your life. You're getting a personal assistant, but this personal assistant only deals with your dating life.
The only downside could be you hired a bad firm, and I'm not going to sit here and say there aren't bad firms. There are. And that's probably the biggest thing we deal with. We'll talk to a client who's been burned by another company.
Unfortunately, the industry has a bit of a bad reputation because there are a couple of matchmaking firms out there that are pure scam artists. It sucks because it takes away my integrity. I work so fricking hard. My clients are so happy with me, and I don't have to look for clients anymore. I get referrals cause they're so happy. But there are firms out there that will show fake pictures of girls. They will claim they have all these women, and they don't, they don't have a database, and they'll sign a guy, they'll take his money, and they won't do anything for him.
We have a whole FAQ when a client is considering signing with us. It has tips on what to look for in a good firm. We send that out.
Check out Laura's first exclusive interview, where she gives expert dating advice here.
If you want to learn more about the matchmaking process and how to build a better dating profile, head on over to cinqe.com to get started.