Is The Gen Z Stare Rude Or Just Misread? An Etiquette Expert Weighs In

It’s become a cultural talking point, spreading from social media to workplace conversations to traditional media coverage. You’ll see it in brand campaigns, viral videos, and those awkward intergenerational moments when someone asks, “Are you okay?”—and the answer is just this face. But is this detached, deadpan expression actually rude? Or are Millennials and Gen X interpreting it all wrong? As someone who teaches etiquette across generations, I’ve seen this issue firsthand, and it’s time we paused the finger-pointing and got curious. What Is the Gen Z Stare? The term “Gen Z stare” actually refers to two things, and they’re often conflated. The first is a blank, almost frozen facial expression that surfaces when someone is unsure what to say or lacks social confidence. It can signal social discomfort, overstimulation, or simply inexperience reading a room. The second is more stylized: a deliberate, ironic, deadpan look used in TikToks, photos, and online culture. Think: dry humor, emotional flatness, a little “don’t expect me to perform for you” energy. It’s a cool pose, not a communication breakdown. Sometimes the two overlap, but not always. And it’s important to distinguish between someone feeling awkward and someone opting out of performative warmth. It can signal social discomfort, overstimulation, or simply inexperience reading a room. Millennials and Gen Xers have been quick to label the stare as off-putting, emotionless, or even disrespectful. Some interpret it as a rejection of basic social norms. Others argue it’s just a different language of expression, one rooted in authenticity and boundary-setting. TikTok creators like @snarkymarky have both mocked and embraced the trend, while articles in outlets like The New York Times , Glamour , and Business Insider have tried to decode it. Gen Z themselves often defend the stare as unfiltered and self-aware, a subtle protest against toxic positivity and the pressure to be “on” all the time. As one behavioral psychologist told Business Insider , many Gen Zers are simply “ less willing to do the people-pleasing part ,” choosing emotional economy over forced warmth . Gen Z Isn’t the First Generation to be Under a Manners Microscope It’s worth noting: every generation gets picked apart for their manners. Millennials were once accused of being too eager, too cheerful, too quick to apologize . Entire articles were written about their addiction to exclamation points . (“Sorry!! Just circling back!”) Gen Xers? They made the “Karen” meme famous, and were known for eye rolls, sarcasm, and a deep distrust of anything that looked like trying too hard. The point is: the generational etiquette microscope has always been turned on the newest adults. Today, it’s Gen Z’s turn, but the critiques say as much about the critics as they do about the culture. To understand the Gen Z stare, especially the deadpan version, you have to understand Gen Z’s environment. This is a generation raised during a constant churn of crisis: school lockdown drills, the 2008 recession in childhood, and a global pandemic in their teen or college years. Their coming-of-age has included some significantly challenging moments. They also grew up online, often learning to communicate via text, meme, or emoji instead of eye contact and tone of voice. As The Coddling of the American Mind by Jonathan Haidt and Greg Lukianoff suggests, increased emotional shielding and social media saturation have impacted both mental health and resilience. So yes, sometimes the stare is a reflex of anxiety or uncertainty. But other times, it’s a carefully chosen mode of presentation, signaling, “I’m here, but I’m not going to smile to make you comfortable.” How This Differs from Other Generations Where Millennials were raised in the “girlboss” era —smiling, hustling, over-achieving with gleeful intensity—Gen Z has grown up in reaction to that. Even the more recent rise of the soft girl aesthetic , with its curated vulnerability and blush-toned branding, still feels performative to many Gen Z eyes. Both generations are shaped by image culture. But while Millennials leaned into aestheticized optimism, Gen Z prefers self-aware detachment, even if it sometimes comes across as cold. While Millennials leaned into aestheticized optimism, Gen Z prefers self-aware detachment. And yet, that difference in affect can have real-world consequences, especially in the workplace. I’ve worked with many Gen Z professionals who are warm, creative, and thoughtful, but they don’t always appear that way at first glance. Especially in client-facing settings, the Gen Z stare can create unintended friction. A blank stare in a job interview can read as disinterest. A neutral expression in a sales meeting might seem dismissive. When I lead business etiquette trainings, I’m often asked to focus on personal presence—how to look engaged, signal enthusiasm, and build trust quickly. Because here’s the truth: communication is overwhelmingly nonverbal. In high-stakes or face-to-face environments, people are reading your expression before they even register your words. How Etiquette Can Help (Without Changing Who You Are) Etiquette isn’t about putting on a fake smile or losing your individuality. It’s about understanding how others are likely to interpret your behavior and choosing when to adjust, especially in settings that call for collaboration, leadership, or persuasion. Gen Z doesn’t need to become extroverted Millennials. But knowing how to soften your expression, mirror someone’s tone, or signal attentiveness can make you not just more likable, but more effective. In my workshops, I teach these not as rules but as relational tools. You don’t have to use them all the time. But when you can, you give yourself more options, and that’s powerful. In a world reshaped by artificial intelligence, emotional intelligence is becoming the true differentiator. According to research from Deloitte , 92% of hiring managers say soft skills matter as much or more than technical ability. LinkedIn’s Global Talent Trends report confirms that skills like adaptability, communication, and collaboration are now considered essential, not optional. And etiquette? It’s the soft skill that makes all the others visible. To be clear: not every Gen Z stare is a performance or a habit to be broken. Many young people struggle with anxiety , sensory processing issues, or conditions like ADHD or autism that affect eye contact and facial expression. We should always lead with empathy. But we should also empower people, especially those entering adulthood, to develop strategies for when they do want to connect. Etiquette isn’t about shame. It’s about choice. If You’re a Chronic Gen Z Starer, Consider This Here are five gentle, practical ways to read as more confident and approachable in professional or formal settings: Soften your face . A tiny lift in your cheeks, not even a full smile, can signal warmth. Practice active listening . Nodding and verbal cues like “That makes sense” go a long way. Make brief eye contact . Even glancing at someone’s eyebrows or nose bridge shows attention. Adjust your tone . A friendly “I’m excited to learn more” can balance a neutral expression. Mirror the room . Not everyone needs you to be bubbly, but a little matching energy helps. You don’t have to smile on command. But knowing when and why people expect that can help you navigate high-stakes conversations with ease. Real etiquette isn’t about judging faces. It’s about reading the room, offering grace, and knowing how to show up when it matters most. The Gen Z stare isn’t inherently rude. But it can send the wrong signal, especially when the stakes are high and the audience is from a different generation. So let’s stop turning every generational habit into a moral debate. And let’s start asking: What is this person trying to communicate, and how can I meet them where they are? Because real etiquette isn’t about judging faces. It’s about reading the room, offering grace, and knowing how to show up when it matters most. If you have a question for a future Ask Alison segment, kindly email info@elevateetiquette.com. Alison M. Cheperdak, J.D., is the founder of Elevate Etiquette, a consultancy where she teaches modern manners in a gracious and grounded way. She is the author of a forthcoming book, “Was It Something I Said? Everyday Etiquette to Avoid Awkward Moments in Relationships, Work, and Life.”