I’m A Male Dating Coach—Here’s What Men Actually Want

Most women are convinced that men only want good looks, sex, and provocative girlies on-call around the clock, lying around in their lacy, pleather underwear. 

By Jenny White4 min read
Pexels/Olga Shenderova

The truth is that men want so much more than sex from women, and women must learn to understand that men aren’t one-dimensional, libidinous beasts. They’re not gorillas. They’re not ruled exclusively by their erections, and they have feelings and aspirations that make them men. 

As a male dating coach, one commonality among men I’ve discovered is they seek out a woman who is “the whole package.” And if he’s a desirable man, he has a unique vision for what “the whole package” means to him that goes far beyond what a woman can offer in the bedroom.

Why is it that women have such difficulty in understanding what men truly want from them? In our sex-saturated culture, it’s arduous for women to recognize and to also accept and adapt to what men want outside of sex.

Naked female bodies are ubiquitous, and most women believe that to be nude and hyper-sexualized ensures them the utmost in male recognition. The problem is “if we tell girls that looking ‘hot’ is the only way to be validated, rather than encouraging them to be active players in the world, they underperform at everything else.” Women are conditioned to underperform with prospective suitors, especially when it comes to being capable wives and mothers.

Thus, how can you learn to better understand men? How can you position yourself to be much more than a sex object and actually find men who are willing to commit? 

Men Deeply Desire Respect and Admiration

According to the men I coach, the #1 quality they seek in women is respect

Men are bedazzled and enchanted by women who admire and respect them. Respect to a man is akin to being treasured and loved beyond measure. It’s the highest form of intimacy to a man where he feels powerful, needed, and esteemed among all other men. 

According to The Hope Line, encouraging a man is by far the most persuasive way to communicate to him how much he means to you: “Telling him you believe in him and support what he is attempting to achieve is a very powerful way to show your guy you respect him. When he feels that support from you, the confidence you are pouring into him will help him to feel invincible. Someone once said, ‘Behind every great man, is a great woman.’ Some girls are so stuck on their own needs they can't seem to give encouragement and inspiration to the guys they know. So give a guy a gift he will never forget: the gift of encouragement.”

Never be afraid to show a man you respect his efforts and how he shows up for you both in your relationship.

Notice they say “invincible.” When a man feels invincible, he feels invigorated and dominant. You as a woman can be the conduit to making him realize this invincibility where he will want to move mountains for you. 

Never be afraid to show a man you respect his efforts and how he shows up for you both in your relationship. You will greatly inspire him, and you will easily win his love and undying devotion. And his commitment too.

Men Adore Women with Motherly Instincts Who Are Family-Oriented

Having motherly instincts and being family-oriented is not a prescription for you to run out and cook and clean for men in the hopes of auditioning for the role of a wife. That never works, and it’s not required.

Instead, you can simply acknowledge that you possess these values. You can tell him you love to make biscotti during the Christmas season and bring a batch to your co-workers every year. You can confess to him how much you adore children. You can disclose that you see yourself getting married someday to the man of your dreams and you’d love to have a big family

Also, many women will direct their maternal instincts onto men and try to mother them. They want so much to demonstrate to a man they can be a wife and mother that they devolve into mothering and being overbearing towards men. This will push a man away! Don’t mother him. Instead, encourage him as per the example above. Let your motherly instincts shine through in being supportive. Be his cheerleader and tell him you believe in his mission and you’re behind him all the way. 

This ties into properly nurturing a man, and you should never give a man too much of it. That quickly regresses into mothering. Simply show him appreciation when and where it matters. When he takes you out on a date to a fancy place, smile and say to him, “Thank you for such a beautiful evening. This was such a treat to me, and I had a wonderful time with you.” 

You’d be surprised how these smaller doses of appreciation pack the most punch. He won’t feel that he is being mothered, but will instead feel nurtured, seen, and fulfilled. 

Men Don’t Want One-Dimensional Women

With the previous point about women hyper-sexualizing themselves, men don’t desire long-term what I call women who are “all sex and no substance.” They are one-dimensional beings with virtually no other layers or depth. A woman who is “all sex and no substance” constructs her entire personality around being a sex pot and nothing else. 

Women who make this the focal point of their feminine makeup don’t allow other qualities to shine through that men find worthy of commitment. 

Men like women who are versatile – classy, well-mannered, and sophisticated while also being wild, sexy, and glamorous in the right context. 

You can be a sexual being. You can be beautiful and look after your appearance and be glamorous, and no one is suggesting you shouldn’t. But can you also be the woman on his arm that he’s proud to bring to the annual company picnic? To the family reunion? Can you be the woman who knows how to be demure in the right settings so that he can be proud with his head held high that you are not just a woman who is all sex and no substance? 

If you’re all sex, partying, glamour, lingerie, and little else, then you’re limiting yourself to being a one-dimensional woman that men don’t commit to. You are not allowing men to see qualities in you that would make you a wife. 

You are allowed to wear these different hats for men. And in being “the whole package,” as I mentioned above, men like women who are versatile. She can be classy, well-mannered, and sophisticated while also being wild, sexy, and glamorous when it suits you both in private and in the right context. 

Closing Thoughts

As a male dating coach, I’ve found men only want one thing: A woman who can tend to all his needs emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. Are you that woman, and can you be open to being that woman for a man?

Don’t be afraid to be the woman who goes against the grain of our hyper-sexualized culture and freely embrace the many other desirable qualities that make you a woman any man would love to be with for the long haul.

Support our cause and help women reclaim their femininity by subscribing today.