If You’re Looking For Life-Long Love, You Should Try PrioriDating

“PrioriDating” isn’t really a new concept – it’s basically putting your values above all else when dating. It might even be called “dating with purpose” or “values-driven dating,” something we’ve been big proponents of from the beginning. Because, honestly, the point of dating is to find your husband. Anything less than that is kind of a waste of your time and emotions – and his. Even if you feel like you don’t have your life together yet, that’s okay! There’s nothing wrong with growing together and figuring out life hand in hand.

What Is PrioriDating?

Coined by dating coach and eHarmony relationship expert Laurel House, prioridating is all about dating based on what you need in a relationship and not simply what you want. In an interview with Cosmopolitan, she says,“Prioridating is dating on purpose, the purpose being to find someone who fulfills the one most important thing you need in a relationship.”

House continues, “Historically, many people have dated based on a list of wants – many of those wants being superficial or not thoroughly thought through – as opposed to core values and relationship-sustaining needs that will impact your future.”

House also describes prioridating on her website. She writes, “What’s your number one most important priority when it comes to finding a partner? Determine that, and you will find and fulfill your need. Your one most important thing might be Safe – physical, emotional, financial safety. It might be feeling Cared For, or Romance, or a Partner, or Fun, or Friendship, or Adventure, or Family. Whatever your one priority is, you must align with it. Your conversations, associations, thoughts, actions, attitude must all align with the Priority of being, feeling, experiencing, living that Priority.” 

PrioriDating is dating based on what you need in a relationship, not simply what you want.

She continues, “PrioriDating is about you – your life, your experience of life, based on your perspective, created by your past experiences, that shaped who you are and what you need moving forward. It’s time to own and show up as the Priority and with your Priority in mind and in action. Once you define and align with your priority, you have a better chance at discovering and fulfilling your needs – first (and most importantly) within yourself and then within a partner. Win-win-win.”

Think about it: Many of us want to date a super-hot guy who looks like Henry Cavill or Ryan Gosling, but what if he’s good-looking but treats you poorly? What if he has six-pack abs but doesn’t share your values? What if he’s 6’4 but doesn’t make you laugh? There are so many things to consider in a relationship outside the superficial aspects of it. It’s important to be attracted to the guy you’re dating, yes, but it’s also important to be compatible and have similar values.

How To PrioriDate

We all have a dating checklist, but there are definitely superficial things (*cough* his height) that we can take off before narrowing it down to our top priorities. This could be having similar religious views, having a similar sense of humor, or finding someone who makes you feel safe. 

After you narrow down your top priorities to a short list (it’s a good idea to make it less than five), date based on your top priorities. Will it shrink your dating pool? Yes, but it will also weed out any guy who isn’t right for you based on your primary relationship needs. It’s about finding the one, meaning quality is much more important than quantity.

If your core values do not add up, then the relationship is already in a precarious position. 

If you put your values as the top priority in your relationship, you’ll inevitably find someone with similar values, and we all know how important mutual values are in a relationship. Life coach Kali Rogers says it best when she writes, "If your core values do not add up, then the relationship is already in a precarious position. Focus on things like religion, finances, gender politics, family, sex and principles. Little things that you have in common or pique your interest (income, looks, similarities) should be considered bonuses. Life is long and challenging, and you need a partner who has the same overall view on life that you do in order to take on its obstacles as a team."

Another benefit of prioridating is that once you start dating based on your priorities, it’s easier to avoid toxic dating trends like ghosting or becoming someone’s "sneaky link." Plus, knowing what you’re looking for will help you discern which relationship to pursue and which to end sooner rather than later based on more than just the butterflies. With these stressors out of the way, you can focus on building a healthy relationship and finding the man you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with.

Closing Thoughts

PrioriDating might be a trendy new buzzword for a long-standing, common-sense approach to dating, but it still promotes a worthwhile perspective. So get cracking on your list of top priorities!

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