Relationships

I Asked My Guy Friends Why They Don’t Want To Date Feminists And This Is What They Said

By Andrea Mew··  9 min read
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Romance is being undermined by outrage culture, political correctness, and forced justice. This hysteria is in our movies, tv shows, books, podcasts, and music. It’s on our campuses and in our workplaces, and it’s ruining the dating scene. What is the crux of this baggage that women are bringing on their dates? Feminism.

You’ve probably heard the idea that feminism isn’t about equality of opportunity, it’s about equality of outcomes. But feminists don’t desire equality of outcome anymore either; they demand being above men, except for when it’s convenient to them, which is why young men are growing fatigued from dating feminist women.

In an effort to understand what exactly turns men off about feminist women, I chatted with a few young men in the dating world to get their personal perspectives. Note: for the sake of these six gents’ anonymity in a world of cancel culture, I won’t be disclosing any of their names or even using pseudonyms.

“She didn’t appreciate my humor, even the tamest things.”

When you look into how our two genders evolved, men became biologically wired to have a better sense of humor than women. It signals to the woman that he’s an intelligent mate, and it gives him a leg up on the competition if he can impress a woman. Now, this isn’t to downplay a woman’s capability to be funny. There are plenty of funny women out there – some of whom have made extraordinary impacts in the world of comedy like Lucille Ball – but on average, men are scientifically the funnier sex.

So when a man is on a date with a feminist and tells a harmless joke and it falls on deaf ears because she’s too busy dissecting what stereotype he might be reinforcing or which group he might be marginalizing, he feels deflated. Men evolved to produce humor and women evolved to appreciate humor, so it can be a turn-off when women try to dictate what’s allowed to be funny.

Men evolved to produce humor and women evolved to appreciate humor.

“She wanted me to be more politically correct,” explained one man I spoke with whose date requested that he make a more conscious effort to avoid language that might offend someone…even if no one else was around. Her goal was riddled with noble intentions at first, but it ended up being condescending and gatekeeping.

Humor is humorous because it pushes the envelope. When it ceases to push the envelope, it becomes less funny. Comedian and television host Steve Harvey put it well recently when he said that “a joke has to be about something. It has to be about somebody. We can’t write jokes about puppies all the time. The joke can’t be about bushes all the time. Some of these jokes have to be about people – because that’s the most interesting topic.”

Men don’t like when their natural talent for humor – a key aspect in courtship – is shut down because he “shouldn’t joke about things like that.” 

“She really wasn’t emotionally balanced.”

Just like in their reactions to men cracking jokes, many feminists are easily sent into outrage over minute things. Outrage has become an integral part of the feminist personality.

As it stands, women are more prone to let our emotions get in the way of thinking logically. Men tend to value logic, while women value feelings. So when a woman goes the feminist route of acting more neurotic, less level-headed, and rude to the entire male gender, men don’t immediately understand and perceive the woman’s feelings as being illogical.

“She made it her personality, it was so over the top to the point where I couldn’t find it cute,” expressed one of the men I spoke with who had dated a girl who took on an overly-controlling, overbearing role in their relationship and would chastise him for small things, like if she thought he was speaking too loud or if he was doing a nervous tick like tapping his leg.

Men don’t like to date self-centered women, just like women don’t like to date self-centered men.

Is it any shock that men don’t want to date women who are grumps? Whether a feminist woman is controlling her boyfriend’s humor or behavior, she oftentimes seems to not have any control over her own emotional stability and happiness.

Ironically, gains in women’s rights actually haven’t paid off in making women any happier. Women have now made major wins socially, economically, and politically, so you’d think that as a gender we’d be a bit closer to Cloud 9, right? 

Wrong. Studies have shown that women are less happy now than in years past, and just as love begets love, hate begets hate…and women become less pleasant to date! Men don’t like to date self-centered women, just like women don’t like to date self-centered men.

“She was a repeat offender of victim mentality.”

A movement about how incredible women can be wouldn’t actually be about being victims, right? But that’s entirely what feminism now is. As a part of identity politics, feminism is gender Marxism. Given that Marxism is a progressive ideology, it’s assumed that nothing is ever good enough and we have to keep working toward an endless goal.

This victimhood mentality actually disempowers women by focusing on the nitty-gritty disadvantages that women still apparently have instead of highlighting all of the incredible things that a woman can do.

Feminist women in the dating world adopt victimhood mentalities to express their anger and angst over the constantly debunked myths that they perpetuate (like women being paid less for the same work) and to find ways to give themselves more power in the relationship.

“She never seemed to know what gender role she wanted to play, and would flip flop for whatever is convenient,” one man that I spoke to began. “If she wanted a favor, she’d play the ‘damsel in distress,’ and if she wanted to take the reigns in a situation she’d play the strong-headed feminist.”

To him, it felt confusing and not worth his time.

A woman who doesn’t know which gender role she wants to play is confusing to a man.

Another man I spoke with brought up an instance of a woman weaponizing victimhood culture in the workplace that absolutely turned him off. This woman had complained that she didn’t get a job because she was being interviewed by a man, despite herself not being the most qualified out of all the applicants. She used her gender as an excuse for the outcome of her own actions, or lack thereof.

“It shows that she would throw blame to others during negative events, and that wouldn’t be good in a relationship,” he said.

The same man expressed that in the early stages of dating a girl, she would constantly complain about men being nice for “ulterior motives.” She would expect him to show chivalry to her when it was most beneficial for her, but would then turn around hypocritically and take issue with him doing something as harmless as opening a door for her. 

“She placed way more value on independence than on family.”

Modern feminists dream of liberation from a “traditional” lifestyle and feel pigeonholed by the constructs that many couples thrive in. The feminist would rather trade marriage and raising a family with her husband for power and a high-octane career. She wants to be an alpha, she wants her boyfriend to be her beta, and she for sure doesn’t understand how men and women in relationships can both be leaders in their own unique ways.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with feeling drawn toward a particular line of work. Having passion for a cause, an art form, or wanting to express your unique skills is admirable. But this can backfire in the dating world if meeting career milestones instead nurturing personal relationships is a woman’s top priority.

“Power to the ladies that don’t want to be family-centered, but it just doesn’t fit with what I want in my life,” confessed one of the men I spoke with. For him, what was so bothersome about dating a feminist was how incompatible she was with his family goals and religious values.

“She didn’t embrace the things that make her, her!”

Feminists object to the fact that biological and physical differences make men and women inherently different. Some feminists will admit that there are physical differences, but they will still choose to reject their femininity to protest male oppression. Yet, isn’t it ironic that their cry for help from male oppression is just to act more like men? Wouldn’t it be more logical for feminists to want to act even less like men to feel free? 

But I digress. One of the men I spoke with lamented that the feminist woman he dated didn’t believe in differences between men and women. Though he firmly believes that men and women should be afforded the same rights and be equal in opportunity, he was deflated by how feminist women often abandon the unique, feminine characteristics that make them so special in their effort to dismantle gender norms.

The differences in gender traits and strengths are often what men find attractive about women. 

“Men can’t nurse a baby like a woman can,” he explained, noting an admiration for a woman’s natural inclination to be more nurturing. These differences in gender traits and strengths are often what men find attractive about women. When women choose to not embrace what makes the female gender unique it’s no wonder why they might not be the most alluring choice in the dating scene for anything beyond a hookup.

As one writer, Anna Livia Brady, so eloquently wrote, “Your womanly strength and assertive compassion provide peace and warmth.” 

Closing Thoughts

Modern feminism doesn’t call into question any inherent inequality between genders anymore. Feminists will hide behind kitschy statements like “When you’re used to privilege, equality feels like oppression” to justify their treatment of men, when what they’re actually trying to achieve is more power over men, and men don’t find that attractive. 

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