So, over the past week, I have collected the most atrocious dating app stories from my peers and have narrowed them down to my favorite (while being someone else’s least favorite) dating app tales.
We Both “Forgot” Our Wallets
“I think the title is fairly self-explanatory,” this girl tells me, “me being me, I ‘forget’ (don’t judge me, we all do it) my wallet. Casually, as I usually do, I acted shocked and slightly aggravated with myself when I pick up my handbag and can’t seem to find my purse (which, in reality, was hiding in the bottom of my handbag). The guy I’m out with doesn’t seem to mind that much but he goes into the pocket of his jeans and I can almost feel his heart fall into the pit of his bowel — it seemed he had forgotten his wallet too.”
I had hoped she had kept her, admittedly cheap and tacky act going, but no, she continues, “We sit in silence for a few seconds. He had kept up a strong exterior for the date but looks increasingly awkward and confused over what the next appropriate move is. I wonder if I should keep my act of bull***t going, but the cringeworthiness of the situation begins to infiltrate into my gut – that’s when I impulsively pull my purse out of my bag and ask for the bill, refusing to make eye contact with him in a wave of shame.”
The cringeyness of the situation infiltrated into my gut, so I pulled my purse out and paid the bill.
“What bothered me the most was his lack of reaction, so, gripping onto my last strand of pride I had left of that day, I arrive home and mention it in a very light-hearted jokey way over text, hoping to save whatever I can of this embarrassing situation – that’s when he tells me he was ‘well aware’ I had my purse on me, since he had spotted me shopping earlier but decided not to stop by and say hi pre-date. We never communicated again, nor have I ever pretended to forget my purse, so when you go out, Simone, do NOT ‘forget’ your purse.”
He Told Me “Cheating Was Natural” in Any Marriage
So, I’ve known the girl who told me this story for a while, and it’s important to note that as a family-oriented woman of faith (which her date knew beforehand), it’s quite amusing to me that any man would ever use this in an attempt to “woo” a woman, especially after taking her to a CHURCH.
She tells me this was probably her “worst” date, but instead of Tinder, Hinge, or any of our more modern apps, she met him on Facebook. He told her all the things that would get her engaged, that he has a “big family,” that his religion is “close to his heart,” and all of the things nice Christian girls generally like to hear – after a few nice conversations, she agreed to meet him for dinner.
They visited a church together, then as evening falls, visited some fancy wine and cheese places together. It’s all going fine until, and here’s what she calls a “key piece of advice,” she sat and simply allowed him the space to talk.
It’s not the first time I’ve heard this either, and the more I think about it, the more it makes sense — people will always fill verbal gaps themselves. So the longer you allow someone the space to simply talk, the more likely they are to expose the little details – and that’s exactly what her date did.
The longer you allow someone space to simply talk, the more likely they are to expose the little details.
Naturally, they started discussing personal values, and the topic of marriage came up. That’s when he slipped up and said it’s “unnatural to expect men to be monogamous in marriages” and that it’s “natural for men to cheat on their wives.” She was immediately repulsed and wondered how anyone can advertise or validate cheating within a first date (even if they secretly believed it to be true).
Unluckily for her (but lucky for me, the one writing and keeping note of this story), the bad date didn’t finalize itself there. Justifiably repulsed by the formally nice Christian man’s disaster conversation, she asked to leave. The two leave and he got into a taxi with her, much to her disgust. They drove together in an awkward atmosphere until she reached her building, and he got out of the car with her, leaving her slightly confused. As she bade him farewell, he suddenly pulled her into an aggressive and unexpected kiss – when she pulled away, he attempted to follow her into her building (likely expecting to get some action), but she quickly shut him out and attempted to rid herself of the memory. She later stated that the man was blocked very quickly following their outing and they never spoke again! And what a pity too, he seemed like such a catch!
I Went over to “His” House
“It was actually his mother’s house,” she explains, “…and she was there.” EEK. “She tried to say hi to me but didn’t get up or come into the same room, didn’t ask who I was either, just hollered from the other side of the house. The house was huge, had all white and wood walls…and it was filthy.”
While I sat wondering whether this was a potential serial killer story, she continues, “He took me to his loft bedroom and got his snake out (yes, an actual snake) and started to toss it dead mice...then when I went to the bathroom, I saw the snake slither past the door. It was just loose around the house. I was sick, had to leg it out of there.”
He took me to his loft bedroom and got his snake out and started to toss it dead mice.
“We had hung out a few times before,” she tells me, “he appeared normal…I just never got into his car. It just shows that even after several dates, they may still be crazy.”
I Went over to Her “House”
“I was matched with a girl on Tinder,” my friend tells me, “we then started talking, added each other on Snapchat, etc. and I said, ‘Where do you want to go for our first date?’ as it was moving that way. That’s when she says, ‘Do you want to just come over to mine?’ – so I’m immediately thinking ‘Yeah, this is good’.”
“So basically,” he continues, “she sent me an address, I checked out the timings, we agreed on an exact time and place. I went to said address and when I get there the house is…completely empty? So later, I do a reverse image search on the picture that she sent me, and sure enough, it was just some random picture and house that she picked off the internet – so I don’t quite know why I was not kidnapped and murdered when I went to this address, but it didn’t happen. So, there you go, I got catfished on Tinder and went to the other side of London. Oh, this better be anonymized, by the way, Simone.” No need to worry about that!
He Told Me He Loved Me after Spending Two Hours Together
“So, this guy I met on Tinder began stalking me and telling me he loved me after only meeting twice…both times for less than one hour,” a girl starts telling me. “Honestly Tinder is just mental, anything you could name under the sun has probably happened. This guy stalking me would hang around me all the time, asking me for drinks but eventually gave up. He knew where I lived and turned up at my house a few times wanting to talk, I was eventually able to shoo him. I personally think his issue was being blocked online after a few brief meetings. I don’t think he could get over it. It was creepy, I don’t see anything of him now (luckily). There are so many weirdos on there that feel entitled.”
He knew where I lived and turned up at my house a few times wanting to talk.
I asked the girl if she tried any other apps afterward, and she tells me she “swore them off” and that apps are “horrific,” further stating that they can become addictive. “I just kept wanting to look at it all the time, it’s like getting validation on steroids.”
Her Boyfriend Called Her Mid-Date
“I’m not going to lie to you, I’m someone that falls quite quickly, but even that aside, we spoke for ages prior to our meet-up, and I don’t mean flirting, I mean DEEP conversations,” a guy friend tells me. “With lockdown and everything,” he continues, “it was hard to find a good meetup, so it was all stalled, but we spoke on the phone a lot, got away from Hinge, and just started conversing on WhatsApp – I knew everything about her, and she knew everything about me. I was certain we’d meet and hit it off, it felt impossible not to.”
“Almost two months after our first online encounter, we decide to meet up in person. I’m not really a shy person, but I was more nervous than I thought I’d be. We meet up and she’s perfect, just like I expect her to be. We’re hitting it off, laughing, joking, it’s like talking to her online but just … better? She gazes at me every few seconds and blushes or giggles to herself — this is when both my ego and instinct shake hands and I think ‘yeah, she definitely fancies me’ –but it starts going a bit AWOL after that.”
It seemed fairly standard that a person wouldn’t use a dating app with a boyfriend.
“Her phone starts buzzing and she apologizes for her bad table manners and goes to the toilet for a bit. When she comes back, she looks a little flustered. I ask if she’s okay, but she just shakes it off. I don’t think too much of it. The same thing happens a few more times, and she starts looking a bit more agitated. That’s when I simply ask who keeps bothering her.”
“‘It’s my boyfriend’ she tells me as my chest suddenly begins to feel a little heavier, I’m not really sure what to say, so I just nod. She had never mentioned a boyfriend before, and it seemed fairly standard that a person wouldn’t use a dating app with a boyfriend. ‘We’re sort-of on a break’, she elaborates, but it isn’t of any comfort or reassurance to me, ‘He rings all the time just to check in. It’s not cheating or anything, he knows I’m out with you’.”
He tells me the date ended quickly after, saying he was far too stunned by the ordeal to actually pick her up on it. I later asked if anything followed, to which he says, “We still speak sometimes, it’s never flirty anymore though, still stings a little bit. I know I shouldn’t but I do like her, even after leading me on a bit. I don’t really trust people online, it’s just not really worth it. Technology makes things confusing, it’s so much easier for someone to lie to you.”
The More Common Collection of Stories
Following the detailed conversations with friends, I took to my Instagram followers to ask them their worst dating app stories, and, as I suspected, they were all unsurprisingly (and gruesomely) like one another. The most common complaint was unsolicited nudes stories, which startlingly came from more men than women, though that’s probably more a representation of my following than modern dating reality. One story that came from a predominant number of women was men offering to “pay” them for sexual acts, ones that are generally not acceptable in society.
Dating apps give people more freedom to be perverted and weird.
All the stories just reaffirmed my belief that modern technology, and more specifically dating apps, give people more freedom to be perverted and weird, without having to deal with the consequences that they would by doing and/or saying these things in person. If you ask a girl you’ve never met to sleep with you in person, you’re probably in for a harsh slap or drink-splash. Online, the worst you’ll probably get is a block or a few curse words.
The main thing that was reported back to me was that a large number of people on dating apps are just really looking for hookups and that those actually looking for something serious generally aren’t parading on apps where people are picked and swiped based on momentary glances.
But that’s for me to find out and report back to you on, so wish me good luck. Hopefully the experiences are free from bad acting, “Christian” polygamy, snakes, haunted houses…or their girlfriend ringing in mid-dinner. Until next time, Evie readers!
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