How The Pandemic Changed Hookup Culture

Millions were locked down in their homes and separated from friends and family, and it was awful for everyone. Nearly three years after the pandemic began, there appears to be a silver lining: the downfall of hookup culture. How the Pandemic Changed Our Dating Priorities During the height of the pandemic (July 2020, to be exact), Dr. Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist and chief science advisor at Match, noticed that there could be a silver lining to the lockdowns: dating changing for the better. She discussed it during an appearance on the Today Show , where she said, "This pandemic has led to more conversations, on all of the dating sites actually, more meaningful conversations, more self-disclosure, more intimacy (and) less anxiety about sex and money." She continued, "Romantic love is a very powerful human brain system. It evolved millions of years ago, and it can be triggered instantly. But the vast majority of people are stuck at home...And what we're really seeing the rise of is this video chatting, and you get to know somebody through video chatting. You can see the way they smile and laugh. You can see their background. You can talk to them for periods of time. You're going to increase that self-disclosure and transparency, and I think it's going to lead to more stable relationships." 45% of Hinge users reported that their dating habits have changed for the better because of Covid. Though the days of lockdown are long-gone (thank goodness) in the United States, dating trends have changed significantly since the start of the pandemic. Data shows that dating with the intention of a relationship has increased, and it’s starting to disrupt hookup culture. According to a 2022 survey conducted by the dating app Hinge, "a full 45 percent of users on the app felt they’d changed their dating habits for the better" since the start of the pandemic. But why is this happening? Sociology professor and author Ellen Lamont believes it’s relatively simple, as she told TIME Magazine , “People got lonely and had this period of time where they reassessed their priorities and what they really wanted from relationships.” This makes perfect sense because the pandemic reminded us that life is short and gave us the time and space to really think about how we wanted to live and what we wanted our life to look like. Why hook up with several different guys who make you miserable when you can be single and look for a meaningful relationship? This led to a trend of young women ditching hookup culture post-pandemic to either look for a long-term relationship or stay single while they try to figure things out. More Young Women Are Giving Up on Casual Sex Though we’ve seen plenty of TikTok trends glamorizing hookup culture and casual sex, there’s a new trend that goes against it: young women giving up on casual sex. With audio of Maddy from Euphoria rejecting a guy in the background, one TikTok user writes, “When you’re not into hookup culture anymore and are waiting for a divine masculine to create a generational wealth with and heal through sex with unconditional love and manifestation.” Other TikToks feature young women saying they’re abstaining from sex to "reclaim sexual energy" and “heal trauma.” No matter what the motive behind their choice to abstain from casual sex is, it’s refreshing to see. But why is this happening? It could be that some women *gasp* find it empowering to reject hookup culture. This goes against the feminist narrative that hookup culture is empowering, but some experts are starting to take note. Sex therapist Dr. Lexx Brown-James says, “What people forget about sexual liberation is that it’s also the right to say no. We’re starting to understand that the conversation around empowerment needs more nuances than either going out and having lots of sex as the only means of sex positivity or the typical heteronormative couple that has sex two to three times a week.” What people forget about sexual liberation is that it’s also the right to say no. While young women have several different reasons for avoiding hookup culture, many of them might not know that a positive side effect of their decision is avoiding the negative consequences of hookup culture. Why It’s Better This Way Hookup culture is marketed towards young women as sexual freedom, but that couldn't be further from the truth. College-aged women feel pressured to participate just to fit in, and are often shamed if they don't . It’s a double-edged sword because those who choose not to participate still face the consequences of our broken dating culture, making it difficult for them to find a long-term relationship. The truth is that hookup culture is making us miserable and that women who participate in it are more likely to suffer from psychological problems like depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Since the pandemic forced many of us to look inward, many women have decided that hookup culture isn’t worth it. Though hookup culture will always exist to a certain extent, this trend of 20-something women choosing not to buy into the narrative that it’s empowering is a step in the right direction. Closing Thoughts The pandemic forced many of us to look inward and reevaluate our habits and values, including dating habits. With the realization among many that life is too short to be miserable (and too short to participate in hookup culture), it’s no wonder that more women are choosing to step away from it. This is not only a victory for these individual women but a victory for our culture as we continue to embrace dating for marriage. Don’t miss anything! 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