Ask Evie: I'm New To Dating. How Do I Navigate Planning And Paying For Dates?

READER’S QUESTION: “I’m new to dating. How do you think a girl should best navigate planning and paying for dates? I like it when guys do more of the pursuing, but if they don’t seem to have a lot of ideas, what should I do? If I’m coming up with most of the ideas, does that I mean I need to pay for the guy for the activities? (For example, a paint and sip event, comedy night, mini golf, etc.) I also find splitting everything evenly or taking turns kind of unromantic for dating… What is a girl to do?"

EVIE’S ADVICE: If you prefer to have a man who does the majority of the planning and pursuing, then let him plan the first date, whatever that looks like. On that first date, make a point of emphasizing how important adventure and variety are to you, and say what kinds of activities you like to do (a paint and sip event, comedy night, mini golf, etc.). If he's interested in a second date, he’ll be paying attention and he'll be happy to have some ideas of what to plan next!

If you want a man who is also active and adventurous and whose idea of romance aligns with your own, then use his ability to come up with ideas and plan fun dates as a test. If he's boring now, he'll be boring later! If he can't come up with fun ideas now when he's trying to impress a future girlfriend, then he's not going to put much effort into coming up with fun ideas years into your relationship. Make sure to be realistic in your expectations of these dates, though; you’re not on The Bachelorette, where the woman being pursued is taken on romantic hot air balloon rides through the sky, or a museum is rented out in your honor. He may plan less exciting dates than what you’d like because he’s on a tight budget as a college student or paying off debt. Make sure to pay more attention to the effort he puts into planning dates rather than the cost or extravagance of them.

As far as paying for dates goes, don't fall prey to what modern feminism tells you about dating being equal, splitting the bill, or even paying for it yourself. Although it’s always polite to offer, it's totally okay not to pay for a date. Definitely show your appreciation and say “thank you,” but don’t feel guilty if it’s not 50/50. Most men go out knowing that they will be responsible for the bill. Further, many want to pay. It's their way of wooing you and showing you that they have something to offer. Set the tone early in your dates by letting the man pay and commenting on how it shows that he’s a gentleman; it lets him know upfront what your expectations are.

Have a question you want our advice on? Email it to us at ask@eviemagazine.com.