Here’s how to create intimacy, passion, and fun in your marriage and sex life.
Let's be honest, life is busy. Even during a pandemic with most of us at home, we still struggle to spend quality time with our husbands. And not just any kind of quality time, but romantic nights that lead to the bedroom. Throw kids into the mix, and it's even harder to find the time.
For many married couples, sex is often put to the bottom of the pile. What tends to happen is couples end up having the kind of sex you just want to get over and done with, instead of enjoying the full experience of intimacy.
When this happens, it usually means one of two things. A) You're too busy or too tired to put in the extra effort. Or B) Couples don't understand that men and women respond to sex differently. While most men can get in the mood almost instantly, it can take a woman slightly longer because we usually require some intimacy to get us going.
While there’s nothing wrong with having quickie sex if that's all you can fit in (sometimes it can be hot!), it's also nice to have those nights where you pace things and enjoy an entire evening together.
So here are the top seven ways to spark a romance that ends in the bedroom. You may want to mark these in your diary over the next few weeks to mix up your sex life!
1. Topless TV
Yes, this is precisely what it sounds like. Watch a film or your favorite TV series topless. And if you're feeling daring, watch TV in the (wait for it) nude.
We don't get to see our spouse's naked bodies enough, and men are visual creatures, so why not undress for both of your viewing pleasure? If it's cold, you could cuddle up under a blanket, turn on the heater, or, if you're lucky enough to have a fireplace, light a warm fire.
If it's cold, you could cuddle up under a blanket or light a fire.
You can watch anything from a scary movie that forces you to hide in his arms or a romantic classic like The Notebook that gets you all emotional and in the mood for love.
2. Cook a Meal with Aphrodisiacs (and a Glass of Wine)
Preparing a homemade meal together can be romantic and sexy, especially when you cook with aphrodisiac ingredients.
Aphrodisiac is a term derived from Aphrodite, the ancient Greek goddess of love. It's defined as a food or a substance that can help to heighten your sexual desire. Aphrodite herself emerged from the sea, so shellfish were regarded sacred to the goddess. Things like oysters, mussels, and scallops are all foods that can supposedly get you in the mood.
Other foods such as asparagus, garlic, chocolate, and vanilla beans are also considered aphrodisiacs, so why not cook recipes containing these enticing ingredients to help with stimulation?
For example, you could try having oysters for starters, lamb with mashed potatoes and asparagus for main, and a dark chocolate mousse for dessert.
Include candles and soft music to help set the mood, but remember not to overeat; otherwise, you'll end up feeling too bloated and too tired to get intimate.
3. Enjoy an Erotic Massage with Essential Oils
Massages are not only soothing and relaxing, but they can feel near orgasmic.
The difference between a regular massage and an erotic massage is just how intimate you can get. You don't only have to use your hands to massage his back and shoulders, but you can incorporate kissing and your tongue for extra tenderness and stimulation. You can also massage each other's sexual regions, such as your boobs, butts, and… you get the picture.
Use aphrodisiac essential oils like ylang ylang or Eurycoma Longifolia to help set the mood.
Use aphrodisiac essential oils to help set the mood. Research suggests that ylang ylang is associated with euphoria feelings, Eurycoma Longifolia boosts your sex drive and can trigger an erection, and lavendar significantly reduces stress, which can benefit your sexual experience.
4. Recreate Your Wedding Night
Ah, your wedding night, one of the happiest days of your life. There are lots of things you can do to try and recapture a little piece of that moment.
You could recreate your wedding meal, or your first dance, or splash out on a bottle of champagne. Another idea is to go through your wedding album. Seeing pictures from the day is a sure way to put you back in the moment.
For the end of the night, why not also wear your wedding night lingerie (without him knowing), and scatter some rose petals along the ground leading to your bed.
If you're feeling extra naughty, you could even buy a few “surprises” to hide around the bedroom like your bridesmaids might have done to surprise your husband with.
5. Let Your Husband Pick Your Outfit (or Lack Thereof) for the Evening
For many women, there's something sexy about a man being in control. Think of characters like Christian Grey from Fifty Shades of Grey, or Harvey Specter in Suits. There's something hot about letting go of control and letting him take the reigns.
There's something hot about letting go of control and letting him take the reigns.
A safe and easy way to do this is to let your husband control the evening by letting him pick out your outfit. You could probably imagine what he'd pick, right? Stockings and suspenders, or a Victoria Secrets teddy. Or he might surprise you by asking you to wear a dress you've forgotten about, but he remembers vividly from a special night.
While taking the time to prepare yourself to get ready, you can start to imagine all the things your outfit might inspire.
6. Pillow Talk
Remember when you first started dating, how you'd talk for hours on end? Sometimes it would be about anything and everything; other times, it would be deep and uncensored conversations. It made you feel close, safe, and it bonded the two of you like nothing else.
Women love to talk, so why not talk to your husband in a deliberate, conscious, and positive way, such as pillow talk? i.e., before having sex.
Talking makes women feel relaxed and safe, but it can also be super sexy if you're willing to let your guard down and speak authentically from the heart. So block out an hour or two beforehand just to talk, in your underwear, under the sheets. Get intimate, dive deeper, and become closer with one another.
7. Pick a New Position To Try
Did you know there are hundreds of sex positions to try? Go beyond "missionary" and try things like you on top, or him from behind, and even standing up!
Set yourselves the challenge of trying a new position a week for the next month.
There are loads of resources out there if you're stuck for ideas, and there are games you can buy like this deck of sex position cards that you draw at random. Why not set yourselves a challenge by trying a new position a week for the next month? You can even mix it up by trying the sex positions in different rooms.
Spark a romantic and intimate evening that you will both enjoy and remember!