7 Green Flags From Your Favorite Rom-Coms (That Hold Up In Real Life)

Green flags are those subtle, often-overlooked gestures of respect, thoughtfulness, and reliability that reveal who someone really is. They’re small acts of everyday etiquette—the kinds of behaviors that quietly signal character. And while they may not be as flashy as a grand romantic gesture, they’re the things that truly matter over time.

Let’s talk about the small, polite behaviors that actually signal long-term potential. And yes, let’s use a few of our favorite rom-com moments to make it fun!

1. Everyday Courtesy as a Character Check

One of the simplest but strongest green flags? Everyday manners. Saying thank you to the restaurant staff, holding open a door, or showing up when they say they will. These aren’t old-fashioned relics; they’re modern etiquette and proof of respect in action.

Think of Joe Fox in You’ve Got Mail. Before Kathleen Kelly realizes he’s her online pen pal, she notices that he’s consistently polite to strangers. He remembers small details, listens attentively, and never acts like he’s above everyday courtesies. These behaviors reveal his character long before the “big reveal.”

Takeaway: If someone is gracious to the people they don’t need to impress, they’ll likely be gracious to you and the people who matter most in your life, too.

2. Listening Without Interrupting

Politeness in dating isn’t about fancy restaurants or well-rehearsed lines. It’s about listening. A green flag is someone who doesn’t just wait for their turn to talk but actually engages with what you’re saying.

In Notting Hill, when William (Hugh Grant) meets Anna (Julia Roberts) in his bookshop, he doesn’t dominate the conversation. He asks questions, listens to her answers, and creates space for her to open up. It’s awkward and charming, but it works because his attention feels genuine.

Takeaway: Etiquette at its heart is about making others feel comfortable. A date who asks thoughtful follow-ups and resists the urge to interrupt is showing you they care about more than just filling silence.

3. Respecting Boundaries

Here’s a major green flag: respecting your “no.” Whether it’s not drinking tonight, wanting to head home early, or not being comfortable with physical affection yet, boundaries matter.

In 13 Going on 30, when Jenna and Matt reconnect as adults, Matt consistently respects her comfort zone. Even when feelings resurface, he never pressures her. He lets her set the pace. That patience and maturity highlight that he cares about her well-being more than rushing the relationship.

Takeaway: A green flag is someone who honors your choices without making you feel guilty. As one etiquette principle goes: respect for boundaries is respect for the person.

4. Inclusive Gestures

One of the quickest ways to spot a green flag? Watch how they handle group dynamics. Do they introduce you to their friends by name? Do they loop you into the conversation instead of leaving you on the sidelines? Inclusivity is modern etiquette in action.

In Crazy Rich Asians, Nick continually makes space for Rachel in overwhelming social settings. He introduces her warmly, reassures her when family politics get intense, and makes sure she feels seen. It’s not just romance; it’s thoughtful hosting, and it shows respect.

Takeaway: Someone who makes sure you’re included is showing you they’re not only self-aware but also others-aware. That kind of situational awareness is gold in a partner.

5. Consistency in the Small Things

Grand gestures are fun, but consistency is the real romance. Texting when they say they will, showing up at the agreed-upon time, following through on promises—these are green flags disguised as ordinary behavior.

Think of When Harry Met Sally. Harry doesn’t win Sally over with one big moment. He wins her over by showing up again and again. Dinner conversations, New Year’s Eve phone calls, long walks in Central Park. His consistency becomes the foundation for love.

Takeaway: Reliability is respect. The person who keeps small promises is likely to keep the big ones too.

6. Celebrating Your Wins (Without Making It About Them)

Another overlooked green flag: someone who’s genuinely happy for your successes. Whether it’s acing a presentation at work or finally mastering a yoga pose, they celebrate you without comparison or competition.

In Legally Blonde, Emmett consistently cheers Elle on. He doesn’t belittle her ambitions or make jokes about her style. He takes her seriously, encourages her, and shares in her joy. That support becomes the foundation for real partnership.

Takeaway: Pay attention to how someone reacts to your victories. A partner who claps for you without making it about themselves is a partner who’s secure, kind, and invested.

7. Politeness That Extends Beyond the Date

Finally, the green flag that says it all: how they treat others when you’re not watching. Did they tip fairly? Did they greet the Uber driver with respect? Did they thank your roommate for letting them in?

In The Holiday, when Miles (Jack Black) stays at Amanda’s house with Iris, he extends his kindness to Iris’ friends and elderly neighbor, her home, and all the little details of her everyday life. That warmth makes him memorable and trustworthy.

Takeaway: True etiquette isn’t performance. It’s character showing up in every interaction, big or small.

Red flags get all the attention, but green flags are what sustain real love. They’re not always cinematic or Instagram-worthy, but they’re the everyday courtesies that add up to trust, respect, and joy.

So the next time you’re on a date, watch for the little things: the thank-yous, the introductions, the patience, the follow-through. They may not feel dramatic in the moment, but they’re the strongest signs of all.

After all, as Pride and Prejudice reminds us, “My good opinion once lost is lost forever.” But the reverse is also true: small acts of politeness, or what I’d call everyday etiquette, can earn a good opinion that lasts a lifetime.

Red flags get the headlines. But it’s the green flags—the small courtesies and quiet consistencies—that make love stories last.

If you have a question for a future Ask Alison segment, kindly email info@elevateetiquette.com.

Alison M. Cheperdak, J.D., is the founder of Elevate Etiquette, a consultancy where she teaches modern manners in a gracious and grounded way. She is the author of a forthcoming book, “Was It Something I Said? Everyday Etiquette to Avoid Awkward Moments in Relationships, Work, and Life.”