10 Ways Your Beta Man May Be Shutting Down Your Feminine Energy

Many people have strong opinions on the motivational speaker and self-help juggernaut Tony Robbins. But he has an interesting theory on compatibility within relationships – essentially, there are two opposite poles within every person, and romantic relationships flourish when those two people are most in tune with the opposite pole.

By Gwen Farrell4 min read
Pexels/Liane Cumming

This dance of yin and yang could also be described as a union of masculine and feminine energies. Some might reject these characteristics because they’re associated with assuming traditional gender roles in a relationship. But these energies exist whether we embrace them or not.

If you’re a woman in touch with your feminine energy, you might feel stifled by your environment, your mindset, or even the man you’re with. If he’s more comfortable in a beta male position and doesn’t exhibit or express masculine traits, your sense of self and your compatibility might be suffocated by being so similar to one another instead of contrasting in well-suited ways. Here are 10 ways your beta man may be shutting down your feminine energy.

He Doesn’t Take Initiative

Doing the heavy lifting in a relationship can be exhausting, especially if all of it falls on your shoulders. If you’re the person constantly responsible for planning dates, vacations, social get-togethers, and all the rest, then you might feel like your man isn’t even interested in participating in your life. It’s well-known that a beta male is submissive, but he’s also passive, meaning he gives little to no input on things that directly affect both of you. He waits for you to make all the decisions and never takes initiative, leaving everything to you – which complicates things considerably if you’d prefer to follow rather than lead.

He’s Emotionally Volatile

Men have emotions and feelings as much as women do, though we often think otherwise. But the way a man goes about expressing his emotions says everything you need to know about him. If he’s constantly emotional and possesses little to no coping skills, it can make it harder for you to respond or to express your feelings in a healthy way. He might also be using this behavior to get you to fulfill a mother figure or caregiver role, instead of being his girlfriend or wife. This isn’t to say that men shouldn’t ever express their emotions, but constantly acting out in immature ways and seeking validation for poor behavior is the telltale sign of a boy, not a man.

He’s a Bad Communicator

As the popular saying goes, if he wanted to, he would. When it comes to communication, this rule takes front and center place in a relationship. If you’re tired of waiting for texts or calls that never come or never getting direct answers from him, you’re probably dating a beta male. In the same way that he fails to take initiative, he also relies on you completely to steer conversations or is too lazy or disinterested to communicate back.

He Doesn’t Prioritize Your Safety

Consider this scenario: You’re asleep next to your husband, and you hear a sound coming from somewhere in the house. What’s his next action? Does he immediately get up with a baseball bat to confront a would-be intruder, or does he cower under the covers and wait for you to get up instead? Being in your feminine energy naturally means letting your man take the lead and following him, but it’s next to impossible to embrace this natural inclination if your man refuses to lead, namely by failing to prioritize your safety. If he’s more comfortable walking on the inside of the sidewalk instead of the outside or doesn’t take it upon himself to physically protect you, connecting to your feminine energy will be diverted by having to be his protector.

He’s Indecisive

From not being able to decide where to get dinner to not knowing if he’s the “marrying type,” an indecisive man isn’t going to make you more comfortable in your feminine space. Again, wanting to follow when instead you’re having to lead is at the heart of why most women feel they can’t be truly themselves in a romantic relationship. Being pushed into masculine roles not once, not twice, but constantly will result in a role reversal that he might prefer, but you definitely won’t.

He’s Immature

Being crass or making uncomfortably rude, off-color jokes only a 12-year-old would laugh at doesn’t mean he has a sense of humor – it means he’s immature. If there’s one thing that kills romance quick, fast, and in a hurry, it’s having to act like your boyfriend’s mom instead of his mate. Not only are you not his mother at all, but this lack of respect, especially in the presence of friends where you may feel embarrassed, demonstrates his lack of regard and esteem for you.

He’s Not a Leader

Many men weren’t taught how to be leaders or the qualities of leadership that they need to adopt. But what’s far worse than this is a man tolerating not knowing any of these things instead of striving to learn them. This truly demonstrates the quintessential beta male. Not only does he not know how to lead, but he doesn’t care how it affects his life and yours. Instead, his passivity and lack of agency mean you have to step into that masculine role, meaning your feminine energy will be adopted by him instead. Most women probably don’t enjoy the sensation of dating themselves – but alas, that’s what you might have signed up for.

He’s Unreliable

If he can’t show up for the small things, chances are showing up for the big things will be a challenge for him too. What’s important to you should be important to him as well, but if you can’t rely on your man to show up for you consistently, how can you really be comfortable in your femininity, let alone your own skin? Giving to the relationship and not receiving anything in return should be a major red flag. If he can’t be relied on to pick up dinner or take care of you when you’re sick, he probably can’t be relied on to change diapers or take care of chores either.

He’s Dismissive

Nothing is worse than having anger and hatred for your mate, except indifference. Indifference and disinterestedness in your routine or the choices you make aren’t just him being dismissive – it’s really an indication that he’s not interested in anything about your relationship, nor is he interested in contributing to it. A strong, masculine man is invested in your life and what you’re facing, and has an opinion on things while supporting whatever you decide. A dismissive man communicates that he’s more interested in himself or what’s going on in his bubble than expressing interest in yours.  

He Shuts Down Your Emotions

If a man is too immature to support your emotions – whether big or small – he probably can’t be relied upon for true support when it’s really needed. While you shouldn’t need to have every emotion validated to feel like you’re in a stable relationship, you also shouldn’t need to be completely alone with all your heavy feelings. In a healthy, happy, balanced relationship, joys are doubled and sorrows are shared, and if he’s only interested in the good times but disappears when things get tough, he can’t be trusted to really be there for you.

Closing Thoughts

Exuding your feminine energy – through being receptive, creative, empathetic, strong, generous, and intuitive – can only help your relationship if this energy is really encouraged by your man. But on the other hand, it can be impossible to demonstrate these innate, natural qualities when your relationship already has overwhelmingly feminine qualities, and you’re not the one exhibiting them. 

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