Turns out, there’s a big difference between crushing on someone and actually having chemistry with them.
We’ve all felt those little flutters in our chest at the mention of a specific guy’s name. We’ve felt our heart skip a beat whenever he walks into a room. We’ve felt our hands get sweaty any time he catches our eye.
The early days of a budding relationship can feel pretty intoxicating, leaving us almost foggy in the head. There are so many things we’re unsure of at this point, but a few things are for sure: we like him, we want to know more, and he makes us weak in the knees.
We might assume that having chemistry is a given – if we get the butterflies, shouldn’t that be enough of a sign? Well, not really. In fact, one of the odd things about having chemistry with someone is how similar it feels to having relationship anxiety.
But true chemistry – a deeper, more unique connection – is the difference between just a passing crush and a lasting relationship. So what are the signs that we have chemistry with him?
Eye Contact Isn’t Awkward
Holding eye contact is one of the most connective things we can do – they don’t call our eyes the window to our soul for no reason. This makes prolonged eye contact incredibly uncomfortable when it’s coming from someone we don’t have chemistry with or feel attracted to (imagine a creepy dude relentlessly staring at us as we continually break eye contact).
But when we have chemistry with a guy, eye contact won’t feel awkward or too intimate at all. Sharing a few long moments of eye contact will only make us feel even more connected with him.
You Feel at Home in his Presence
Have you ever felt that, as you got to know a guy more and more, you found yourself performing whenever you were with him – and in more than just the “I like this guy so I’m nervous around him and not yet totally comfortable” sense? As if you didn’t feel free to be your full self around him, or wondered if he was only interested in what he thought you were, rather than who you actually are?
The truth is that we weren’t meant to be our full selves with every single person we meet. This isn’t to say we should hide ourselves or don different personalities at a moment’s notice, but that not every person we come across will be a personality match with us.
So when we feel free to be ourselves, without any hang-ups or worries, in front of him, this is a clear sign that our personalities match in a way that will draw out our best, making for a unique, lasting connection.
You’re Hyper-Aware of His Touch
We’ve all had that crush that, once we start getting to know him, we realize our “spark” wasn’t based on what actually was, but on what we thought was – holding his hand might feel nice at first, before quickly leaving us yearning to feel more from it. His kisses don’t make us fall further in love, but instead leave much to be desired. And we realize that the physical attraction didn’t go past a surface level.
But if we have chemistry with him, our physical interest in him will go past how he looks and translate into a true physical connection – one that, all while making us hyper-aware of and receptive to his touch, feels right.
It Feels Like You Speak the Same Language
We’ve all been on enough meh dates where the conversation dies off in what felt like an hour but was actually 10 minutes. This isn’t a reflection of our dates being deplorable on a personal level. It just felt like there was no hope of connecting, as if we were speaking different languages.
And then, we meet a guy that, from the moment we come across him, it’s like we’ve finally found the person who shares our mother tongue. We can talk to him about anything under the sun and never feel misunderstood, awkward, or unmatched. Instead, we feel like we have our own unique means of communication with him that he intuitively understands.
He Can Always Get You To Smile or Laugh
It’s no secret that one of the best ways to get a woman interested is to make her laugh. Guys know this, making their sense of humor something they attempt to show off. This is also what makes it obvious to us whether or not we have chemistry with them.
If we can’t really bring ourselves to laugh around a guy, we’re probably not a chemistry match. But if we find ourselves almost incapable of not cracking a smile when he says something silly or makes a goofy face, even when it wasn’t his best material, we can take that as a clear sign that we’ve got some real chemistry. And if he can even get us to giggle or smirk when we’re in a bad mood (or mad at him), we’ve got loads of chemistry.
Being with Him Is Easy and Time Flies
When we’re around someone whom we don’t mix with, even if there’s nothing offensive about them, we’ll feel drained with every interaction, counting down the minutes until we can say sayonara and head out.
But if we have chemistry with a guy, being with him will feel like being in our most natural, relaxed state, and the hours spent with him will fly by, with little to no effort on our part. After what we could’ve sworn was 30 minutes of talking, we’ll be surprised to see it’s actually three in the morning.
You’re Always Looking Forward to the Next Time
While we all most likely have dates that ended with “I never want to see this guy again,” there are probably quite a few that ended feeling like we could take him or leave him. We wouldn’t ignore him if he texted us, but we also wouldn’t reach out first and would probably forget about him in a week or so.
This is clearly not the case with a guy we have chemistry with. This is a guy we’ll be looking forward to seeing every time. We won’t want to bother waiting the “appropriate” amount of hours to text back, won’t want to go days without seeing him, and will genuinely miss him – his smile, his touch, his conversation, his jokes – in the time in between.
You Don’t Have To Fill Every Silence
Ah, silence. The thing we all dread in every conversation. A long lull in conversation with someone we don’t have much chemistry with will feel deafening and heavy, quickly drawing our attention to how awkwardly we’ve both been stirring our coffees while waiting for the other to bring up the weather or traffic.
We might think that if we have chemistry with a guy, we’ll never run out of things to talk about, when instead, we just won’t feel the pressure to fill every single silence and throw conversation spaghetti against a wall. Silences will feel as comfortable as they do when we’re all alone. There are few greater signs of chemistry than noticing it has been an hour since either one of you spoke, and you didn’t even notice.
Thinking about the Future Doesn’t Feel Weird or Unrealistic
So we know he’s cute, we definitely find him funny, we like his sense of adventure, and we always have fun with him…but as soon as we start to think about the future – even just six months into the future – we start to wonder how realistic that is, or even find it awkward to consider because, thus far, our relationship has felt geared only towards the present moment.
It won’t feel at all like that if we have chemistry with him though. Relationships are always either building toward something, or stagnating and fading. Our relationship with a guy we have chemistry with will naturally progress into something greater as a result of our investment and connection – making our thoughts about the future almost like considering what the next plot point of our story is.
No One Else Matters
Part of dating around is always being on the lookout for something or someone we think would be a better match for us – and when we’re with a guy we don’t have much chemistry with, we’ll inevitably start wondering if there’s someone else out there who’d make more sense with us.
This reality completely shifts when we’ve found a guy we have lasting chemistry with. Suddenly, our questions will stop, not because he’s totally perfect and never misses the mark, but because other guys just don’t matter to us anymore. We’ve found our person.
Chemistry is so much more than physical attraction or thrilling yet fleeting feelings. Our relationship with a guy we have chemistry with will start off with all the fun and perks of a crush and develop into something significant, distinct, and authentic.
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