10 Things A Guy Does If He’s Not That Into You

The list of signs that mean a guy is head over heels for you is endless and widely discussed. But what isn’t talked about as often? The signs of a guy who is just not that into you.

By Keelia Clarkson6 min read
Pexels/Djordje Cvetkovic

The scene: You started talking to a new guy recently, and you’re definitely interested in keeping things going. He’s got a smile that gives you butterflies, he’s always fun to be around, and you have so much in common. In your book, he’s most assuredly boyfriend material.

The only problem? You can’t tell where his head is at. One moment, it seems like he’s on the same page as you – he showers you with compliments, asks you over, and kisses you like you’re the only girl in the world. But the next moment, it seems like he’s got one foot out the door – you sometimes don’t hear from him for days at a time, he hasn’t initiated any kind of “What are we?” conversation, and he doesn’t show interest in knowing much about your life.

Needless to say, you’re confused. You can’t decipher what he’s thinking or feeling, and the questions start to race around in your head: Does he even like you? Why would he keep inviting you over for a Netflix and chill if he didn’t? Is he not all that into you after all?

This kind of treatment is endlessly confusing for women. Why would a guy hook up with you if he didn’t want more than a surface-level connection? Why would he introduce you to his roommate as his “friend” when, just last weekend, he was convincing you to come over and spend the night? Why would he tell you he “really, really likes you,” before telling you he’s not ready for a relationship?

Not every connection is created equal, and for some guys, there are different levels of “liking” a girl. A guy might “like” you well enough to make out with you, and perhaps even go further than that, but have zero intention of ever calling you his girlfriend, making his “like” a very shallow level of interest – certainly not the kind that leads to a lifelong connection.

So how can you tell if a guy’s interest in you is this superficial? What are the signs that he doesn’t actually like you, but just “having fun” with you? TikTok influencer @sarahlauren71 had a few thoughts on this topic in her recent “Things Guys Do When They Don’t Like You” series, and she brought up a lot of good points.

Here are, according to her, 10 things a guy will do when he’s just not that into you.

He Only Texts You When It’s Beneficial to Him

You know those sweet “Good morning” messages? Or the “This made of think of you” texts that leave you absolutely smitten? Or those “I miss you” notes? If he likes you, you’ll get each of them at some point or another. If he doesn’t, there will be no such adorable texts to screenshot and send to your best friend.

But that doesn’t mean he’ll never text you – he’ll just only reach out to you when it’s of most benefit to him. “If they only hit you up on the weekends, that’s their fun time…they don’t [have] much going on. They could be looking for…a little weekend fling… It’s a booty call,” says @sarahlauren71. If his only texts come in at night or on the weekend, this is a clear sign that you aren’t on his mind at any other time.

He Doesn’t Take You Out on Real Dates

When a guy likes likes you, he’ll pull out all the stops to woo you. He’ll ask you out on a date, plan something romantic, offer to pick you up, show up clearly having put effort into his appearance, and treat you with respect. He’ll leave no question in your mind as to whether or not he’s into you, based on the date he just took you on. What’s more, even as your relationship progresses, he’ll continue to put time and effort into pursuing you.

On the opposite end of the spectrum is a guy who continually invites you to come over to his place, but doesn’t seem to feel the need to take you out on a proper date. You might hint that it would be fun to go out and get dinner sometime, but the truth is that he couldn’t be bothered to put more effort than, “Do you want to watch The Office?” into his time with you. While you’d rather be out on a romantic stroll, he’d rather usher you into his bedroom.

“If he’s interested in you, he will make that plan and pursue it and do something special for you because he wants you to be his and not anyone else’s,” says @sarahlauren71.

He Says He’s “Busy” a Lot

The person we like, even if we’re doing our best to play it cool, is at the top of our list. If a guy truly likes you, he’ll essentially never be “too busy” for you. He might have guys’ nights and work functions that will take some of his time, but you won’t be left feeling like you’re low on his list of priorities. If he wants to see you, he’ll make that happen.

But if a guy only likes you as a fling, it’s a different story. He’ll be “busy” (which @sarahlauren71 calls a code word) any time you invite him to a party, or if you ask him if he wants to see the new Marvel movie with you, or if you bring up that you need a date for a wedding next month. “If they say they’re busy…they’re just not that into you… You make time for people that you want to hang out with,” @sarahlauren 71 says. If he doesn’t ever seem to have time for you, it’s not because his schedule is just that jampacked.

He’s Awful at Texting

Everyone’s texting style is different – maybe he’s the type to send out a bunch of little texts throughout the day, or maybe he’s the type to send a few longer texts at the end of the day. Either way, if a guy is into you, he won’t be bad at texting you. He won’t be able to keep himself from reaching out to you, from sending funny gifs, from sending a text that will make you smile.

And if a guy doesn’t like you? He’ll have all the “I’m such a bad texter” excuses. He’ll take an extraordinarily long time to respond, won’t initiate or participate in longer text conversations, and will make you feel like you’re bothering him any time you message him. 

So the next time you’re tempted to accept his defense for his lackluster texts, remember what @sarahlauren71 had to say: “No, sweetheart, he’s not a bad texter… Any guy will text you and find time and make time to text you if they want to.” At the risk of sounding cliché: If he wanted to, he would, ladies.

He Doesn’t Get Jealous

Jealousy in relationships can be poisonous (for example, if a guy is jealous of your friendship with your best girl friends and doesn’t want you to hang out with them). But jealousy is not necessarily a bad sign. It can actually point to a guy seeing you as valuable and not wanting to “share” your attention with another guy. He’ll want to make sure that the relationship is exclusive.

A guy whose “like” for you doesn’t go beyond a fling won’t get all that jealous of your attention and exclusivity. Perhaps the idea of him going out with another girl would hurt you, but that same thought of you with someone else doesn’t do anything to him. He doesn’t seem to care what plans you have this weekend and hasn’t even expressed wanting to be the only guy you’re texting. “If he’s not asking you what you’ve been up to…then he’s not that interested. He’s not even jealous,” @sarahlauren71 shared.

He Doesn’t Touch You Innocently

There’s no debate here – a guy who’s really into you will take any opportunity to touch you. He’ll grab your hand while you’re walking through a parking lot, brush your hair behind your ear, or put his hand on your knee at the movies. And his touch will come out of a place of genuine affection for you.

But when a guy doesn’t actually like you, his touch won’t be so innocent, loving, or sweet. Maybe he won’t touch you at all, which @sarahlauren71 suggests isn’t a great sign: “Guys love physical attention. Guys need that in their life…if he’s not getting it from you, he’s getting it from somebody else.” Or maybe anytime he does touch you, it seems like it has to lead to something. Either way, if he’s not interested in innocent touches, he’s not in it for the long haul.

He Doesn’t Listen To What You Say

When a guy really likes you, he’ll want to know everything about you. He’ll be interested to know what your favorite band was in high school, or what your weirdest fear is, or where you’d go if you could fly anywhere in the world. Everything you say will be of interest to him, whether it’s about silly work drama, an article you read earlier, or an epiphany you had. And he’ll show he’s listening by remembering details and asking questions.

The same can’t be said if a guy doesn’t see you as anything beyond a situationship. In this scenario, you’ll quickly pick up that knowing anything about you or your day isn’t something he can be bothered with. “If you catch him not listening to your stories…it’s because he truly just doesn’t care. Because I can guarantee, if he cares about you, he will listen to what you’re saying, even if it’s the stupidest story ever,” @sarahlauren71 says. 

He Gets Frustrated with You

Every couple has their disagreements. Being in a relationship with another imperfect person is frustrating, and there will always be those times when you get on each other’s nerves. But at the end of the day, when a guy really, truly likes you, he’ll want to be around you, and you’ll feel that desire from him by the way he treats you.

But if a guy doesn’t like you all that much? He won’t simply enjoy being in your presence, especially if he’s not getting something out of it. Instead, you’ll feel him get annoyed, curt, and short with you. “If you see that he’s getting frustrated by you, chances are, he’s just annoyed by you, and he’s annoyed by your presence,” @sarahlauren71 shares.

He Doesn’t Give You Life Updates

One of the surest ways to know a guy is really into you? You’re the person he calls when something good happens, whether it’s as little as getting a free coffee or as incredible as getting a huge promotion. He wants to share his happiness with you and cares to keep you in the loop about his life.

But the opposite is true if a guy is just not that into you. Not because he’s actively trying to keep things from you, but because you aren’t a big enough character in his life to warrant giving you life updates, big or small. “If he doesn’t share the good news with you, he doesn’t like you… Guys only open up when they like you and they want to invest in you,” says @sarahlauren71.

He Doesn’t Make His Presence Known on Social Media

Sure, some guys aren’t even on social media. Others aren’t huge Instagram users. But most Gen Z or Millennial men use social media in some form or another. And when a guy likes you, he’ll make his presence known on your socials, whether by liking every post, or commenting something sweet, or watching all of your stories. He’ll make a point of interacting with you – to let you and the world know that he’s into you.

If he doesn’t like you…it’s crickets. He might follow you, but he won’t notice if you post a picture, won’t see the story you’d posted in hopes that he’d watch it, and won’t leave any kind of mark on your profile that’s visible to the outside world – because he doesn’t really care enough to. “If he’s not DMing you things or swiping up on your story and putting a fire emoji, he’s just not that into you,” @sarahlauren71 shares.

Closing Thoughts

A guy might “like” you enough for a fling, but that’s definitely not the kind of love story you had in mind. If the guy you're seeing is doing these 10 things, there’s a good chance that he’s just not that into you. It hurts, but it’s better to know now than later down the road. Search for the guy who can't take his eyes off of you, a guy that knows a future with you is worth pursuing – you’ll know him when you find him.

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