Why Some Relationship Problems Won't Go Away And What To Do About It
Choosing a spouse is closely tied to choosing a set of problems. Ideally, your choice doesn’t actually involve many problems, but problems are inevitable, and while many can be fixed, others will remain. So what can we do about it? If the answer were to simply break up, we would not have many happy marriages, but thankfully we do. So what do happy couples do?
In the ‘80s, Dr. John Gottman built the Love Lab, a bed-and-breakfast-looking lab where he would study couple’s dynamics. The results were outstanding, and they established Dr. Gottman as the world expert in predictions of divorce. After spending just a weekend observing the couple, Dr. Gottman could assess if they were heading to divorce, but perhaps more importantly, he could assess what the cause of the divorce would be. That is the hopeful bit, as it gave each couple a greater awareness of their strengths and shortcomings and allowed them to make the necessary changes if they wanted to stay together and thrive in their marriage.