Why Everyone Thinks They’re Entitled To Your Location (And Your Other Etiquette Questions, Answered)

Each week, I approach reader questions with a simple belief about etiquette, that its purpose is to create comfort and mutual respect, not to enforce flawless behavior. Whether you’re navigating awkward moments at the table, figuring out how to set a boundary without guilt, or wondering what’s polite when the rules feel unclear, you’re in the right place.

Q: Is it okay to buy clothes, wear them once for an event or photos, and then return them?

I’ve noticed this especially with brides and brides-to-be who are building beautiful, expensive outfits they’ll only wear once for things like engagement parties, showers, and rehearsal dinners and relying on companies with very liberal return policies. Is this ever okay?

A: You’re picking up on something real, and your instinct is right. From an etiquette perspective, buying clothing with the intention of wearing it and returning it isn’t appropriate, even when a retailer’s policy technically allows for more time to make the return. Return policies are built on good faith, not planned wear, and using them as a workaround isn’t respectful to retailers as businesses.

I’ve seen this become particularly common in the wedding space, where the pressure to look “perfect” for multiple events is intense and the outfits add up quickly. That pressure is understandable, but etiquette still asks us to act transparently and fairly.

If you want variety without commitment, clothing rental services are the polished solution. That’s exactly what they’re designed for, and yes, the garments are professionally cleaned before each wear. Renting is honest, respectful, and aligned with how the system is meant to work. Wearing something you purchased with no intention of keeping it simply isn’t.

Q: Is it rude to stop sharing my location with a friend?

I shared my location with a friend because I thought it was about safety. But now she regularly texts me things like, “Why are you over there?” or tries to make plans based on where I am. It feels intrusive, and safety definitely doesn’t seem to be the goal anymore, if it ever really was. Now I only want to share my location with my husband, sister, and mom. Is it rude to turn it off?

A: Not at all. Location-sharing is meant to support safety and coordination, not to invite commentary, questioning, or real-time social pressure. When someone uses your location as a conversation starter or a planning prompt, the purpose has shifted, and you’re well within your rights to opt out.

It’s perfectly appropriate to reserve location-sharing for the people you trust in emergencies or vulnerable moments. You don’t owe friends ongoing access to your movements to prove closeness or goodwill.

If you want to say something, a simple explanation works: “I realized I only want to use location-sharing for safety, so I’m keeping it limited to family.” Clear, calm, and final.

Q: What’s the polite way to avoid hugging someone?

I’m warm and friendly, but I don’t always want to hug, especially acquaintances or people I don’t know well. I worry that declining a hug makes me seem cold. Is there a graceful way to avoid it?

A: Yes, and it’s more about what you do than what you say. Be intentional with your body language. Keep your hands clasped gently in front of you or behind your back, step forward confidently, and pair it with a warm smile and enthusiastic greeting.

When your friendliness is clear in your tone and expression, most people take the cue without awkwardness. You’re allowed to choose how you greet others, and warmth isn’t measured by physical contact alone.

You also want to be consistent. It’s not a good look to hug some people and not others, because it can come across as a snub. When in doubt, choose a certain form of greeting, like a handshake, hug, or non-touching greeting when you're in a group setting, and stick to it.

Q: Is it okay to bring my own food to someone’s home for dietary reasons?

I have some dietary preferences and sensitivities, but they aren’t extreme allergies. Sometimes it feels easier to just bring my own food so I don’t inconvenience the host. Is that polite, or does it come across as rude?

A: In most cases, it’s more considerate to communicate than to arrive with your own meal. Unless you have serious medical needs, the most gracious approach is to let your host know your dietary restrictions in advance and give them the opportunity to accommodate you.

A simple message works: “I’m so looking forward to coming. Just a heads up that I don’t eat X or Y. Please don’t go out of your way, and I’m happy to bring something if that makes it easier.”

That last line matters. Offering to bring a dish shows flexibility and gratitude without assuming your host can’t, or won’t, handle it. What’s best avoided is arriving unannounced with your own food, which can unintentionally signal mistrust or criticism, even when none is intended.

Q: What should I do if someone at the table uses my bread plate or one of my glasses?

I’ve been at a few dinners where the person next to me accidentally takes my bread or drinks from the wrong glass. I don’t want to embarrass anyone, but I also don’t love sharing. What’s the polite way to handle this?

A: This is one of those moments where discretion is everything. If someone uses your glass, simply let your server know the next time they come by and quietly ask for a fresh one. No commentary required.

For bread plates, the easiest solution is often the least visible one. If the plate on your right hasn’t been used, feel free to use it. If not, you can discreetly ask your server for another plate when they pass.

What you want to avoid is correcting or calling out the other person, especially someone you don’t know well. Etiquette is about making people feel at ease, even when things don’t go perfectly. Preserving dignity always outranks being technically right.

If you have a question for a future Ask Alison segment, kindly email info@elevateetiquette.com.

Alison M. Cheperdak, J.D., is the founder of Elevate Etiquette, a consultancy where she teaches modern manners in a gracious and grounded way. She is the author of a forthcoming book, “Was It Something I Said? Everyday Etiquette to Avoid Awkward Moments in Relationships, Work, and Life.”