There is a notorious comment made during a breakup that is meant to sound like a compliment but is such a cop-out: “You’re too good for me.”
This is usually said right about the time a guy feels pressure to commit to a relationship, but something is holding him back. What is holding him back is not you, it’s not your "goodness," it’s him. The statement “you are too good for me” feels like an excuse because it is.
Too often, women try to dissect what men say. “You’re too good for me” isn’t code for something else. He really does think you’re too good for him, but not for the reasons you might think.
Goodness Can Reveal Weakness by Contrast
Just though her daily actions, a good woman can reveal to a man his weaknesses and even his brokenness, without ever pointing them out. If he isn’t ready to make mature changes as a man, face parts of his past, or give up certain habits, the relationship can quickly become too much work. Most women feel confused in situations when guys can’t commit or when guys tell them they deserve more. They might think, “why did he pursue me in the first place?” The answer is that good women aren’t difficult to pursue, they’re hard to keep.
Good women aren’t difficult to pursue, they’re hard to keep.
When a guy tells you that you are too good for him, it’s because he’s not ready to fix the parts of himself that he feels he would have to fix to keep or even deserve you.
Be Careful Not To Accept Less
"You're too good for me", as complimentary as it may sound, can be so dangerous to a girl who doesn’t own her worth. The comment can make her question herself. It can make her believe that she has impossible standards. She’ll begin to accept less to prove to herself and to others that her expectations aren’t too high.
Accepting less quickly becomes a cycle of not communicating when she feels her standards are being compromised, until she reaches some sort of breaking point. And that’s when it will happen all over again. The moment she sticks up for herself, her biggest fear comes true, and another guy tells her “you deserve better.” Not from him of course, but from someone else.
This isn’t an opportunity for you to attempt to “fix” him. Only he can do that.
Listen to what guys say rather than try to interpret a deeper meaning. This isn’t an opportunity for you to attempt to “fix” him by helping him become a man who’s good enough for you. Only he can do that. No, this is an opportunity for you to learn a valuable lesson to take him at his word, that your worth is undeniable.
Communicate Your Standards
The truth is, he may feel like you are too good for him because you gave him more than he believed he deserved. That's why it is so important to always, always, always communicate your standards. When a guy does something that hurts you or that doesn’t align with how you want to be treated, then tell him! It should be a huge red flag if you aren’t comfortable expressing your feelings.
It should be a huge red flag if you aren’t comfortable expressing your feelings.
Communication is what develops genuine attraction. You also can’t expect a guy to know what you want if you don’t tell him. Creating boundaries from the beginning shows that you aren’t willing to make up things along the way. Women are programmed to be nurturing, loving, and giving. So, when you feel like you’ve met a great guy, it’s easy to throw your standards out the window and give too much of yourself emotionally and physically too soon. When you do this, it can make any guy, even great guys, feel like he hasn’t earned that level of intimacy yet.
Don’t let the statement “you’re too good for me” become a curse. If your standards are based on the desire to have a healthy relationship, they can’t be too high. So, whenever you find yourself on the receiving end of this line, believe him, say “thank you,” and move on.
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