What Fashion Week Really Looks Like When You’re Not On The A-List

As someone who shares both etiquette tips and fashion with my online community, one of the joys of being a creator is that I get to choose what moments to bring you along for, and Fashion Week felt like one worth sharing, if only to show what really happens beyond those picture-perfect Instagram posts.

Yes, there are the classic runway shows—fast, fabulous, and over before you’ve caught your breath. But there are also presentations (longer, non-seated displays where you can wander and view the looks), cocktail parties that range from intimate dinners to splashy blowouts, and plenty of pop-ups, grand openings, and debut brands eager to make their mark. Some shows are ticketed and open to the public, with prices that might surprise you; some even costing less than your favorite lip gloss.

Who Actually Gets Invited

Despite my best efforts, and I am not shy about volunteering, making bold (but polite!) asks, and following up, I didn’t receive invitations to most of the shows I was excited about.

Who does get invited? Celebrities, of course (Martha Stewart, Oprah, Lindsay Lohan). High-profile stylists and fashion journalists like Rachel Zoe, Liv Perez, Lauren Sherman, and Rachel Tashjian. Luxury fashion content creators like Tamara Kalinic and Victoria Magrath. And creators represented by agencies like Digital Brand Architects, Kensington Grey, or Ponte Firm, which specialize in managing brand partnerships. These agencies receive invitations directly from the brands and then allocate spots to their clients.

Another path is to be a loyal customer who also looks fabulous in the clothes. Translation: if you shop regularly and significantly, often with a personal stylist or shopper, you may find yourself on the list. Some creators also secure access by performing well on affiliate platforms like ShopMy or LTK.

Dressing for Different Events

One thing I noticed quickly: there’s a different dress code depending on the type of event. At public shows, it’s important to showcase your personal style. You don’t want to look like you bought the entire look off a mannequin. At private brand events, the expectation flips: you wear the brand, ideally from the latest collection. Some people are loaned clothing, others quietly purchase it themselves, but either way, the underlying etiquette is clear: when a brand invites you into its house, you respect their dress code.

The Reality Check

Most people who are there as a creator are paying for everything themselves: travel, accommodations, new clothes, hair and makeup, even photographers. There may be the occasional trade in services, but it adds up quickly. And contrary to popular belief, it’s not all about follower count or Instagram engagement. I noticed plenty of creators with modestly-sized communities, but they were almost all focused tightly on luxury fashion.

It was striking how different the reality was from the curated joy I saw online.

Still, the work is not easy. At our hotel, you could overhear the pressure in conversations—outfit changes, traffic delays, looming deadlines. In Tribeca and SoHo, I noticed creators cycling through the same poses, outfits, and photo backdrops, one after another, until it all started to blur together. And at one of the hardest-to-get dinner reservations in New York, I found myself next to a table of influencers who barely looked up from their phones. I don’t judge—this is their job, after all—but it was striking how different the reality was from the curated joy I saw online.

Why Fashion Week Is Hard to Pull Off

Putting on a fashion show is a monumental undertaking. This is something I grew to appreciate even more listening to an episode on Let’s Get Dressed this week. The venues alone are wildly expensive. Add to that the cost of clothing, models, music, lighting, hair and makeup teams, PR staff, and security, and it’s no wonder brands are highly selective about who gets in the door. The logistics are as demanding as any Broadway production, but condensed into a matter of minutes.

The Question of Etiquette

So is it rude to show up uninvited? Maybe. But at Fashion Week, it also seems to be part of the culture. I have seen creators who tracked down event locations, posed outside in their most current outfits, posted beautiful content, and eventually earned real invitations. In its own way, it works.

But it made me wonder: if etiquette is about helping people feel comfortable and confident, what happens when the rules themselves change depending on the room? In life, most of us would never dream of showing up where we weren’t invited. Yet in fashion, sometimes that audacity is the ticket in.

And maybe that’s the lesson: whether it’s on the runway or in real life, etiquette isn’t just about following rules. It’s about knowing when to honor them, when to bend them, and how to do both with a little grace.

If you have a question for a future Ask Alison segment, kindly email info@elevateetiquette.com.

Alison M. Cheperdak, J.D., is the founder of Elevate Etiquette, a consultancy where she teaches modern manners in a gracious and grounded way. She is the author of a forthcoming book, “Was It Something I Said? Everyday Etiquette to Avoid Awkward Moments in Relationships, Work, and Life.”