We Asked A Male Dating Coach: What Makes A Girl Instantly Unattractive?

There are a variety of unsightly behaviors and situations that can, and often do, arise and make a woman instantly unattractive to men.

By Jenny White3 min read
Pexels/Daria Nekipelova

Furthermore, as a male dating coach, I’ve found there is one major culprit making its rounds through today’s dating scene that is practically guaranteed to make a woman instantly unattractive to a man. And many single women are guilty of it. Unfortunately, they won’t find out until it’s far too late, and the damage can never be undone. 

Today’s women would be surprised to learn that it’s not their weight, how they look, or how they dress that will make them instantly unattractive to men. It’s something else entirely that is guaranteed to make a higher quality man brutally dump them on the spot.

So, what is this major faux pas women are committing that is making them instantly unattractive to men?

Parading All the Guys You're Dating

With hookup culture and the general nonchalance in attitude and sentiment toward dating and meeting people, singles today tend to treat each other as expendable and easily replaceable. The #1 issue I’m seeing on the dating scene that is an instant turnoff to men is when they feel blindsided by finding out the woman he’s dating is seeing multiple men. 

The crux of it mostly lies in the fact that many women are very brazen in wanting to flex how many other contenders they have accumulated in a “rotation” who are assumed to be competing for the privilege to be with her. 

To a more desirable man who has many options at his disposal himself and has a level of self-respect and clear values on his expectations in a woman (which is the norm for more desirable, masculine men), he will not take kindly to the idea of competing to win the affections of a woman who purposefully shows off other men in his face.

Parading other men in a man’s face may cause him to dump you on the spot. As a dating coach, I see this play out very regularly. A woman will direct message me on Instagram and confess, “I really messed things up. I told this guy I really liked that I was going on a date with another man, and he immediately stopped talking to me. How can I get him back?”

At that point, I’m forced to tell them the truth. I state to them matter of factly that they will never see that man or hear from him again. This is why you must remain cautious in believing that more desirable men who have standards in how they expect women to act will tolerate you parading other men around in an attempt to make him jealous. A truly desirable man will immediately leave you high and dry, and you will find yourself full of regret for making a fatal mistake you won't be able to take back or correct.

How Do You Disclose That You’re Seeing Other Men?

Any well-adjusted man on the singles scene is going to be understanding of the fact that, when you first meet, chances are you will also be dating and talking to other men. He will likely be seeing other women as well. 

Should you disclose to him that you’re seeing other men? You may, but you need to ensure that you keep it classy and not try and unleash psychological warfare on him by taunting him with this information.

Circular dating, or “rotational dating,” is a fixture of the modern dating scene for many men and women, where singles keep rosters of potential candidates in a type of quasi-dating Rolodex. And some guys simply won’t be open to it. 

Relationship coach Jonathon Asley explains, “While men are definitely hunters when it comes to getting women in bed, such competitiveness might actually be a turn-off to a relationship-ready man as it may cause him to question how serious the woman is about finding a relationship if she’s dating several men at a time. Some ego-driven men might see the competition as a challenge, but most men will just see it as a waste of time.”

Any man who doesn’t care about your rotation likely doesn’t care about you as a woman and just wants casual sex. 

You really are playing a type of Russian roulette in believing that any man you may be involved with in a “rotation” will find it permissible for you to keep him in said rotation. 

It may also be an indicator that he is seeking a serious relationship. He may realize he needs to cut his losses much earlier when he discovers you have a rotation of men you’re keeping in some depersonalized, collective dating Rolodex. 

Another conundrum may be the fact that any man who doesn’t care about your rotation likely doesn’t care about you as a woman and an individual and just wants casual sex. Men who are serious about a woman tend to be very committed, territorial, and possessive. Even a bit jealous too. So you may have to ask yourself, if the guy even cares about you at all, why he doesn’t care about potentially losing you to another guy you're seeing?

The Party Scene Probably Won’t Serve You Either

If you’re partying, clubbing, drinking, and keeping a rotation, chances are you’re not going to find the ideal man for you due to you being swept up in these less-than-promising pursuits. You'll certainly find men in the party scene, but more likely than not, these aren't going to be the type of men you'll want to settle down and build a family with.

A man who is ready for a relationship, or one who is keeping his options open while trying to remain hopeful about finding the right woman for him, may find these pursuits to be a hefty red flag. 

Thus, it may be best to keep your behavior and pursuits as single woman low-key. No one is saying you should stay home every weekend and be an old maid, but perhaps the party scene and keeping a rotation isn’t a wise choice for women looking for a serious relationship with a great man.

Closing Thoughts

I invite you to look more closely at “rotational” dating and how it unwittingly encourages women who are looking for a serious relationship with a more desirable man to parade men like prize show pieces in front of other men. It’s arrogant behavior that’s a huge turn-off to the desirable men among us. Especially those who saw potential in you as a serious candidate for a relationship.

If you’re on the dating scene and keeping your options open, try and be more conscientious about how you’re treating these men. The men who care about you will be turned off by a careless and boastful attitude regarding it, and they will leave. The men who aren’t turned off will be happy to be part of a rotation because they likely aren’t serious about you to begin with.

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