There has been a massive rise in women's Feminine Level Up communities on the internet in recent years. The communities are full of women looking to "level up" their looks, relationships, and overall outlook on life.
They’re done with dating men who are okay with women being the breadwinner, and they’re done with 50/50 relationships. Instead, they’re pro-hypergamous. In other words, they want to date or marry up. They want to be with a rich man. And they aren’t ashamed of it.
Why Do Women Join These "Level Up" Communities?
There are many reasons why women join these communities. Some have tried doing the 50/50 relationship but got burned and resent their exes for it. Other women have helped men build throughout their 20s-40s, only for the guy to leave once he achieved a certain status level. Usually, the guy leaves them for a much younger woman. These two groups are hurt and don't want to repeat the same mistakes.
Many women are seeking a wealthy husband for the stability and lifestyle he can provide.
Others join because they're just not attracted to the average man. They want a luxurious life but don't want to help a man build his empire. Some women believe it's wise to marry up because they think it guarantees a safe future for them and their offspring. Other women find the pressures of competing in the market or climbing the corporate ladder too difficult and have come to the decision that the only way they'll get rich is by marrying a rich man. And finally, there are gold-diggers who aren't ashamed of who they are.
These communities allow women to discuss the struggles of life, relationships, and their most innate desire of wanting a provider without the usual judgment that comes with it. They feel they can’t talk about these issues outside their community without being shamed and labeled as lazy or gold-diggers.
Is It Wrong To Want These Things?
Hypergamy has been around since forever and has been practiced throughout history all around the world. Hollywood loves making films that depict this dynamic. Think of Pretty Woman, Les Misérables, Crazy Rich Asians, Fifty Shades of Grey, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty.
It's completely natural to want a man who is a provider.
You also see famous people dating or marrying up all the time. For example, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry, Raven Lyn Corneil and Jack Patrick Dorsey, Grimes and Elon Musk, most professional athlete's wives, and there's even a whole franchise called The Real Housewives that women love to watch.
So maybe a part of us secretly loves the idea of dating a man with a higher social status, but only a few dare to surrender to it.
The Pros and Cons of Dating Up
If we're honest, it's completely natural to want a man who is a provider. It's not merely a preference, but an innate disposition. When a woman looks to settle down, she subconsciously looks for a man who can provide for her and her future offspring. When a woman is pregnant and gives birth, she’s at her most vulnerable. She needs the support of a stable man to help provide for her, so she can invest time and energy into nurturing and rearing her babies (and recover from childbirth).
If the man decides to leave or doesn't want to provide for the family, it could mean sending her into poverty. She may have to put her baby into daycare from a very young age (e.g., 3 months old) to support herself.
According to Statista, approximately 3.33 million children living with single mothers who never married are living below the poverty line in the United States. Other research shows that single mothers earn incomes well below married mothers on the income ladder. The median income for families led by a single mother in 2019 was about $48,098, well below the $102,308 median for married couples.
So wanting a good provider is understandable and makes common sense, but it's very base-level.
Using a man for his resources without genuine love can quickly make the relationship unbalanced.
This thinking also comes from the "takers" mentality. When you strategically look to extract resources from a man before you've met him or before you’ve made a genuine connection, the relationship can quickly feel unbalanced. This is because you create an unwritten rule that says, "I will only be with you if you can provide XYZ. If not, I'm not interested."
The foundation of the relationship is conditional and not based on a deep love and respect for one another. There's no genuine heart connection, and both of you can feel it, even if neither of you says anything. Over time, the relationship can feel hollow and unsatisfying because we humans are much deeper than that. We need more.
Imagine if a man only stayed with you because of your looks. Sure it might be flattering at first; I mean, who wouldn't want to be desired for being beautiful, right? But it isn't enough. Both of you will eventually look for another partner to fill that void. The void of wanting to be seen, accepted, and understood for who you truly are (warts and all), without conditions attached.
It Takes More Than Money To Raise a Family
Finally, having lots of money doesn't guarantee the man will be committed or a good father to your children. Men in the top 1% have worked extremely hard to get to where they are. They've built their career and wealth through sheer hard work and discipline, and some aren’t willing to share it.
Children need love and attention from both parents more than anything.
These men also work crazy hours and rarely switch off because they're obsessed with their jobs. Unfortunately, this means that he may not be available — mentally, physically, or emotionally — for you or the children. Sure, he might provide nice things, but everyone knows children need love and attention from both parents more than anything. No amount of money can replace this.
Also, if you have a baby with a man out of convenience instead of with a man you love, you may act indifferently towards your child because you're just not in love with their father. Your child will feel this growing up, and it can manifest into deep-rooted issues that stay with the child for the rest of his or her life.
Whether you think it's wrong or right for a woman to date up is a matter of personal opinion, but the fact is, there’s a growing number of women who are consciously choosing to be hypergamous. They refuse to date men who don't meet their incredibly high standards, and they aren't willing to compromise.
Whether they meet their Prince Charming is another story, but there's nothing wrong with daydreaming about him… is there?
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