Being hot is not just about how you look, speak, and move. It’s a bold confidence, an unspoken energy that’s conveyed almost entirely through non-verbal communication. I’ve put together a guide to help you lean into your feminine hotness. Enjoy!
Be flirty. Make him feel manly, funny, and interesting – men want to feel appreciated and admired, so giggle at his jokes (I mean, unless they’re outrageously unfunny). Ask about his day with genuine care, praise him, make him feel special – it’s what we all want!
Increase your knowledge to be interesting. You need to be able to hold a conversation. Men don’t want ditsy women who “teehee” at their every line. Nobody just wants just a pretty face, people appreciate a pretty mind too. Try to eliminate the verbal gap-fillers “like'' and “um” from your vocabulary; simply pause and take the time to think about your speech. Don’t talk about shallow and vapid things – it’s off-putting and makes you look dense or, worse, bitchy.
Be positive. Negativity is a MAJOR turn-off. No one likes a complainer. Positivity is infectious, and even better, positive thought makes you a better person! Some of the most successful people in history swear by the Law of Attraction – like attracts like, positivity attracts positivity!
Don’t be abrasive or obnoxious. No one likes a ballbuster. You don’t need to always be talking. Saying less can be mysterious. Men find gentleness sexy. Obnoxiousness can be very “in your face” and uncomfortable – nobody likes that. These personalities make for great characters in film and tv., but everyone knows these character traits are major flaws and red flags in the real world. AVOID!
Learn how to be a bitch when necessary (a.k.a. be able to fend off unwanted attention). It’s more about being strong than having a sassy attitude. Becoming overly alpha and dominating can be intimidating and rub off the wrong way, but nobody likes a pushover either! It’s important to find the middle ground. Know your boundaries and never let anyone cross them.
Don’t be desperate. We all want what we think we can’t have. Desperation in any social scenario is the quickest way to turn someone off. Would YOU date someone who appeared to be obsessed with you after ONE date? Of course you wouldn’t. You’d think “ICK” and run for the hills! Men are the same. They can smell desperation from a mile away, and it’s imperative you avoid coming off this way. Mystery is good, being overly forward is not! Nobody likes a creepy stalker!
Speak softly. There’s a reason the most famous sex symbols in cinema don’t speak loud and fast. Unfortunately, rambling on and acting “crazy” for the sake of being “quirky” has been growing over the years in film and popular female personalities, but being a walking nightmare will forever remain cringeworthy. Being delicate and natural comes off smooth, and it allows people to feel secure around you. Being hyperactive and grinning 24/7 can even come off childish to some. While smiles and laughter can be infectious and cute, like Julia Roberts in Pretty Women, this isn’t an article about being cute.
Incorporate subtle touch. A hand on the arm or shoulder when you laugh – this is how you close the touch gap. It’s a soft and careful way to show your affection, and psychology backs it too! It’s a safe and simple action, and people usually only recognize it subconsciously.
Eye contact. Prolonged eye contact is uncomfortable for most. When it’s used, it can signal sincerity, intimacy, or a threat. He may look away from time to time if you hold your gaze, but when he finally holds eye contact with you, break away at the right moment. It’s cliché, but the eyes really are windows to the soul. They’re also usually a person’s best feature, so it’s never bad to utilize them!
Move sensually. Marilyn Monroe was the queen of this one. Make your movements graceful and smooth in order to elongate your body. Think of how a dancer moves. Always in control, making every move look effortless. Use your movement to draw attention to the most feminine parts of your body. Sway your hips when you walk. Touch your lips or your hair softly to draw his eyes to your best features.
Get flexible. Not only is flexibility good for your body, but it affects your body language and how you move too. Yoga and ballet can be fun activities that help you stretch and leave you feeling good!
Take deep, slow breaths. This accentuates the slow rise and fall of your chest. You’ll come off as relaxed and in control rather than anxious or overly excited.
Smell good. Now THIS is important. It’s not something we think about regularly, but smell can be a make-or-break for many. So you MUST take advantage of this, because while we can’t always help how we look, we CAN help how we smell, so it’s our duty to do this well. Find your signature scent, but aim for the intoxicating ones that have hints of floral or vanilla – the kind of scent you smell on someone that makes you turn your heels as you pass them in the street. But remember not to PACK perfume on. Spritz your favorite perfume onto your T-Zones, but don’t marinate in it, that’s just gross and tacky. If you don’t like perfumes, essential oils can work (but stay away from the earthy stuff that makes you smell like a hippie...nobody likes that, they just pretend to).
Look kissable. Keep your lips moist, like with a sugar lip balm. Take inspo from Victoria’s Secret and wear a nude lip with a little gloss or a bold red depending on your outfit and the occasion. That being said, do NOT sit there doing duck lips. Big lips are SO trendy today (thank you, Kardashians). Puckering up can sometimes look great, but if you don’t have it, don’t flaunt it! You were born with your most beautiful features, so don’t over-accentuate features that you may not have with painful tools or stinging lip kits. Be happy with you because THAT looks kissable.
Master your hair and makeup without being high maintenance. No caking face in makeup. Makeup should accentuate your natural features, not mask your face or add something you don’t have. Hair should be touchable, not overly hard from hairspray or dangling in clip-ins. Hair is at its sexiest when it’s clean and healthy.
Keep your hair long. And avoid dying it unnatural colors. Dying in general kills your hair over time. On average, men (and women) prefer longer hair. And why wouldn’t they? Imagine NOT wanting thick, luscious, big, BEAUTIFUL hair!?
Make your eyes look bigger. (With makeup, of course, don’t be getting the tools out of your backyard.) A smokey eye is a sexy staple that adds a dark mystique to your face. Invest in an eyelash serum too, or even get a lash lift, as these are simple ways to open up your eyes. Growing your lashes or giving them a temporary curl can make you look so much brighter!
Keep your chin up. It’s simple, but it’s true: it slims your face, elongates your jawline, and – bonus points – it comes off as very confident. Plus, it just improves your posture in general. Just like angles in photos, posture can be everything in real life too. Some would even say you drop 10 pounds simply by altering it!
Hit the gym. Okay, this is an obvious one, but if you want a great body, you gotta work for it! Focus on workouts that lift your booty, lean your legs, tighten your core, and tone your arms. Don’t look to fitness influencers who sell laxative teas and have you gaining it back in about a week. Look to swimsuit and lingerie models for workout inspo. Avoid heavy weight-lifting – it can throw your hormones out of balance, cause testosterone to spike, and cause swelling – women weren’t meant to be built like The Rock!
Nice nails. Keep a consistent mani-pedi, and if it’s too expensive, learn to do them yourself or enlist a friend. Try not to go too wild though. There’s a reason Kate Middleton doesn’t wear ten-inch, bright green, sparkly acrylics – it looks tacky. Try out a French tip or a soft and subtle color like pink or white. Subtle is always sexy!
Soft skin. Stay hydrated, exfoliate, and keep moisturized. Skincare is *deep breath* essential, you must maintain it. Dry or sallow skin is not sexy.
Wear sexy underwear. This has nothing to do with whether or not you have any plans of letting anyone see it. It’s all about knowing you have it on underneath, and it makes you feel confident and sexy. No one feels good outside knowing they’re wearing grandma’s briefs on the inside. Imagine you randomly get trapped on a desert island and THAT’S the underwear you die in?! No thanks!
Try and wear clothes that show off your figure. Same with the (somewhat dramatic) underwear scenario – you aren’t gonna feel good walking around in a trashbag, so why choose to wear one?! When you FEEL sexy, you ACT sexy – so treat yourself to that dress that shows off your waist, you’ll feel good!
Show ONE part of your body at a time. But not necessarily what you’d think of – that’s right, AWAY with the overly-spilling booby dress! Instead, show off your shoulders or have a slit on a long dress. If your neckline is low cut, then your skirt or dress should be longer. Being hot does not mean trashy. Short hemlines and low necklines combined are total overkill. Sexiness comes from mystery too, so be sure you leave something to the imagination.
Look to the stars. Watch movies that feature some of the hottest women in cinema history who embody feminine sensuality. Watch how they move. Watch how they talk. Watch how they make eye contact. Angelina Jolie (Mr. & Mrs. Smith), Monica Bellucci (Malena), Cameron Diaz (The Mask), Halle Berry (Die Another Day), Megan Fox (Transformers), Kelly Lebrock (Weird Science), Scarlett Johansson (Scoop, Avengers), Lucy Liu (Charlie’s Angels) – goddesses of film. Take note of how they move, and how swiftly and sensually they do so – they know they’re hot, and they OWN it.
Read The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene. It’s an amoral and controversial work written predominately for men that explores dark psychology and seduction techniques. Learn it to be a step ahead of men who would use the techniques against you, and study the examples he illustrates of some of history’s most seductive women. The best way to win is to learn the opposition’s moves and tricks.
So those are Evie’s top tips and shamelessly shallow guide to being “hot.” Remember, you don’t need to be a chiseled, golden goddess in order to be a hottie, but it does help to have the right wardrobe. For the most part, being hot is a state of mind – fake it ‘til you make it! The world is yours, and it’s your job to treat the world as your runway!
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