The Breakup Industry Is A Real Thing, And It's Making Lots Of Money

Breakups always hurt, no matter if the relationship lasted two years or 20. In the past, women have turned to their friends, moms, and even magazines for advice on how to get over heartbreak . But a new industry made up of breakup coaches, podcasts, and startups is developing as more women (and men) seek out specialized advice. The divorce industry is worth an estimated $28 billion every year, although some estimates put it higher. A so-called breakup industry seems like a natural offshoot, especially as both marriage and divorce rates in the U.S. have declined over time while cohabitation has increased. There’s a lot of opportunity for entrepreneurs in the breakup niche even though many breakup businesses already exist, Jen Glantz of the newsletter Odd Jobs observed earlier this year. There’s Breakup Shop , which reviews dating sites and offers advice to the newly single. There’s Louped (formerly known as I Do Now I Don’t), which lets users sell engagement rings and wedding bands that they no longer want. And for a few thousand bucks, you can even attend a retreat like Renew Breakup Bootcamp to help you get over your ex. Multimedia (think podcasts, videos, and online courses) seems to be ascendant in the burgeoning breakup industry. Google “breakup coach,” and you’ll find Nancy Ruth Deen of HelloBreakup.com on the first page of results. Deen’s website offers a free “ heartbreak workbook ,” as well as a 16-day email series called “ Getting Through This ” for heartbroken women that is available for the discounted price of $97. Also on that first page of results is breakup and divorce coach Brad Browning, whose homepage declares, “If you’re looking for guidance or advice on how to win back your ex, get through a difficult breakup, or rescue a dying marriage, then you’re in the right place.” Browning offers one-on-one email coaching (“I’m just an email away”) for $97 a month. Keep scrolling on Google, and the “breakup coach” results keep coming. Meanwhile, a few startups have tried to tailor already existing business models to people going through breakups. These include Onward, which has been described as a “ post-breakup concierge service ” to help individuals find housing, therapy, and more, and My Breakup Registry , which is like The Knot but for people who decided they are definitely not tying the knot. Neither startup seems to have taken off. But the number of breakup coaches online certainly has grown. Breaking Down the Breakup Industry Many breakup coaches discovered the industry after experiencing a rough breakup of their own. That’s the story of breakup coach Kendra Allen, known online as @yourbreakupbestie . “I went through a really tough breakup in 2015 – it was really the culmination of my past three breakups – when I was two years sober, and for the first time, I wanted to explore what it meant to go through a breakup instead of just avoiding the feelings,” Allen exclusively tells Evie Magazine . “I spent the next year really diving into how to go through a breakup and, through that, became the breakup bestie to my friends and community. I started blogging in 2017, and it has evolved from there.” Allen, who is the author of The Breakup Workbook: Exercises & Advice to Help You Heal from Your Heartbreak & Create Your Best Life! , says her one-on-one coaching clientele has typically been an even split between men and women (a fact that many people find surprising, she adds). Dorothy Johnson , another breakup coach who spoke to Evie Magazine about her business, says her clientele is primarily women. Both coaches also host breakup-focused podcasts. Allen interviews experts and shares tips on her show Heal Your Heartbreak , while Johnson describes her show How to Get Over Your Ex as “Netflix for breakups” because of its bite-sized, practical episodes. So, who can become a breakup coach? There are no specific certifications required. Johnson has a life coach certification and a master’s in industrial-organizational psychology. Allen says she’s built Your Breakup Bestie, which also offers online courses, based on her life experience. Not everyone who calls themselves a breakup coach is worth their salt, she says. “The number one red flag for me is when a coach tells you they can help you get your ex back,” Allen says. “I decided to become a coach because I was so disillusioned with people preying on the heartbroken, giving them any kind of promise they can make an ex come back. No one can do that.” There are lots of buzzwords like “no contact” and “ self-care ” floating around the breakup space. Not all breakup coaches agree about what they mean or how they should be put into practice though. “I can't speak for other breakup coaches, but I help people get over their ex in three months or less by solving for the root cause rather than breakup symptoms. I don't conform to a lot of the well-known ‘break up rules’ like no contact. I also don't believe ‘it just takes time,’” Johnson says. Ultimately, most clients want to be able to move on from their past relationships so they can find a new, healthy relationship. Johnson thinks a lot of the “sky is falling” messaging around modern dating wrongly serves to discourage singles and says many of the women she works with don’t find dating nearly as challenging as the media paints it to be. Is It Harder To Find a Healthy Relationship Now? Attachment theory is a commonly referenced concept in the breakup coaching world, so I decided to get some insight from Adam Lane Smith , known online as The Attachment Specialist. (For those unfamiliar with attachment theory, psychologists have identified four main attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. Individuals with insecure attachment styles are capable of developing learned secure attachment, but it can take effort.) “Research tells us 50% of adults now have an insecure attachment pattern. This means half of all adults cannot form sustainable relationships to get their needs met and communicate clearly with a partner,” Smith tells Evie Magazine . “When the situation inevitably crumbles, one person jumps out of the relationship and leaps into the next, leaving their former partner wounded and alone. All of this is fixable when we resolve the underlying attachment problems. … Until we as a society take attachment and love and relationship responsibility more seriously, dating will continue to grow worse.” Many women say breakup coaching helped them have a breakthrough, but some members of the mental health field are warning that anyone, regardless of training or background, can use the label “breakup coach.” Smith concurs, explaining that it took him nearly a decade to become licensed as a Marriage and Family Therapist (he has since given up his license to focus on his coaching business). “That training was barely enough to scratch the surface of this complex field,” he says. “When coaches skip the vital training, we end up with issues like so-called attachment experts teaching attachment styles as if they're astrology signs and breakup coaches encouraging people to dismiss their ex as irredeemable because they're avoidantly attached. This excuses people from all responsibility for their own role in relationship issues and their own necessary growth as a person following a breakup.” In many ways, breakup coaches seem to be occupying a role that an individual’s family and friends normally fill. Smith says most breakups should not necessitate professional help, but if an individual doesn’t have a network of confidants or lacks the ability to open up, then it could be time to seek advice from an expert. “The best thing any woman can do post-breakup is spend this time reconnecting with family and friends,” Smith says. “Take the time to study your own attachment patterns and see if you are attracting the wrong people because of how you get your needs met and what you accept from others. Figure out what you want in romance, learn to filter for true compatibility with that goal, and stop settling for less because you hope to make a bad match fit your desires.” “Too many women are dating for potential or dating with the hopes of being adopted like a beloved pet, and that's not going to work. State your desires clearly and filter decisively to get the relationship you're looking for,” he adds. Busting the “Cool Girl” Myth What’s driving the proliferation of breakup coaches and related services? Lack of community, fear of commitment, and the devaluation of marriage all contribute, says Helen Roy, lifestyle editor at The Blaze and host of the podcast Girlboss, Interrupted . “There is an amount of psychological terrorism that we’re inflicting on ourselves by indulging these serial monogamous relationships that resemble marriage in every single way – except for it’s really easy to get out of them,” Roy tells Evie Magazine . “People are effectively going through three divorces in their lifetime. In a certain sense, I really empathize and understand why they feel the need to unpack it…because they’re going through the motions of a marriage.” For years, Hollywood has pushed the message that women asking for commitment is undesirable or even crazy, Roy points out. (Just compare the characters of cool girl Carrie from Four Weddings and a Funeral with “stage five clinger” Gloria from Wedding Crashers .) But Gen Z and millennial women are waking up to the fact that they can and should be open about desiring marriage, Roy says, citing lyrics from Taylor Swift’s new breakup album The Tortured Poets Department : “And I'm pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free.” “We’ve been raised to believe some things about ourselves that really, really, really aren’t true,” Roy says. “There are certain traditions that once protected women from cads that aren’t in place anymore, so what women have to do is individually revive them in their own lives. Think about what those traditions were and why they existed, and then set up some for yourself.” The breakup industry also represents a lack of IRL community – especially third places like churches and community centers – where we can find people to turn to for guidance post-breakup, Roy says. After all, 8% of adults say they have no close friends, according to Pew Research Center . Many young people aren’t seeing healthy marriages modeled for them, either. More Gen Zers were raised in single-parent households than any other generation. “People in America find a way to commodify those things, and I feel like that’s probably what this reflects, this tendency to commodify the TLC of loving friends and put a price on it literally and monetize those services,” Roy says. “There’s something to this idea of emotional labor. I don’t like the fact that people have chosen to commodify it and subject it to the language of remunerative exchange, but there’s really something to that. Women’s worlds are built through work. We do a lot of invisible and unpaid labor. These things are dignified, and they’re something that women should be proud of. I almost think that putting a number on it would cheapen it.” "Finding a healthy relationship after a bad breakup is something women can accomplish for themselves if they screen early for men who are interested in marriage," Roy says. “Do not get involved physically with somebody who does not share your life goals and values. Don’t let men waste your time. This time in your twenties is precious , and I know too many women who have let men waste their time for too long,” she says. Support our cause and help women reclaim their femininity by subscribing today.