Relationships

Should We Take Birth Order Into Consideration When Dating?

By Meghan Dillon··  5 min read
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Have you ever asked a guy what his astrological sign is?

We live in a culture obsessed with astrology, so many of us look to astrology to figure out who we’re compatible with. Though there’s no scientific evidence behind astrology, there’s plenty of scientific evidence behind birth order theory. Here’s why you should ditch asking what sign he is and start asking about his birth order.

Birth Order Traits and What Challenges They Bring

Although nobody is exactly the same, those who share the same birth order tend to have similar personalities and struggles. Firstborns are more likely to be strong leaders and more anxious. They like to take the leadership role in many areas of life because that’s the role they have among their siblings, and they tend to be more anxious due to the pressure they felt to set a good example for their siblings. This can manifest through being bossy in relationships, but it can also result in someone being more caring due to the nurturing role firstborns play in their siblings' lives.

Middleborns tend to be peacemakers and feel undervalued. They’re also more likely to have a hard time communicating their feelings, which can lead to problems in relationships and turn into codependency. The good news is that middleborns also tend to be more agreeable than their elder and younger counterparts, often making them good at compromising, which is incredibly valuable in any relationship.

Those who share the same birth order tend to have similar personalities and struggles.

Lastborns tend to be more relaxed and lack direction. They tend to be more impulsive but also much more outgoing and social. This brings a double-edged sword to relationships - it’s good to be outgoing but being impulsive can lead to making poor decisions. It’s important to have good communication skills in any relationship, and a tendency to be impulsive can lead to risky decisions that can hurt your partner or jump into something you’re not ready for.

Does Birth Order Matter?

Each birth order has positive and negative traits a person is more likely to bring to a romantic relationship, but how much does birth order matter when it comes to compatibility and choosing a partner?

Since the order of your birth can influence your personality, some birth order pairs are more compatible than others. Psychologist Dr. Jen Hartstein writes, “First and last borns are a good match. The idea of opposites attracting definitely rings true here.  Firstborns like to care for others, be in control, and are organized. The last borns are used to being dependent, are less organized, and want someone to look after them. They also balance one another out as the youngest can bring some light-heartedness to the relationship.”

What about pairs that are incompatible? Hartstein writes, “Two firstborns in a relationship may have trouble because both may be competitive to see who can be in control, can be difficult to compromise. It’s important to stop and figure out how to navigate this potential problem. Two firstborns can work if each individual works to respect the qualities of the other person. Figure out where each of your strengths lie. Additionally, each of you should engage in something outside the relationship that allows you to feel in control or that you can be a leader in.”

Personality traits ultimately mean more than birth order.

She continues, “A match-up of two lastborns can also be problematic. Planning is not the forte in this relationship and things could be pretty chaotic. It’s important to work on learning organizational and planning skills together, so that projects can be completed and so that the mundane things in life are addressed."

But how much does it really matter? Though we’d suggest caring about his birth order more than his astrological sign, not every person fits into their birth order traits. Some firstborns are impulsive, and some lastborns are cautious.

At the end of the day, what matters most is if you two are compatible and if he treats you well. Don’t feel doomed if you’re both firstborns and if you’re compatible in every other way. While birth order is scientifically valid, that doesn't mean it has to be a make-or-break factor.

Closing Thoughts

We tend to put people in boxes based on their astrological signs, resorting to asking a guy what his sign is on the first date to determine the compatibility of a possible relationship. However, birth order influences our personalities much more than what the constellations looked like the day we were born. Next time you go on a first date, skip asking for his sign and ask for his birth order instead. It won’t tell you everything you need to know about him, but it has a good chance of revealing a bit about his personality.

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