Rebound Relationships Are Never A Good Idea. Here's Why

The days, weeks, and months after a breakup can be brutal. We went from having Friday night dates every week with them to having every Friday evening wide open; from texting them immediately every time something funny, wonderful, or difficult happened to no longer sharing any details about our life with them; from envisioning a future with someone specific to wondering if or when we’ll meet the right guy. Breakups, even the ones we initiated, can often leave us feeling disoriented, heartbroken, and lonely. We miss the feeling of being loved, thought of, and pursued by someone special to us. We miss having a boyfriend. We miss being a girlfriend. All of these whirling, confusing emotions can lead us to do anything to stop the pain, to distract ourselves from the void our ex’s absence has left in our life, and trick ourselves into thinking we’ve moved on. Some of us might move to a new city, others might get a drastic haircut, and many will throw themselves into a new relationship – a rebound relationship. But as understandable and tempting as it is, is getting involved in a rebound really the best option for those healing from a breakup? It’s a Distraction from Our Healing Process Our relationship became a more and more integral part of who we are as it became more serious – after all, our ex was probably more than just a cute guy we hung out with sometimes. He was our best friend, our love, and our safe place. Losing all of those things, as we know them, in one fell swoop is painful. So it’s common to turn to someone else to fill these voids, to offer us the kind of love we’d gotten used to having around. But rushing into a new relationship is like replacing an actor in a role that had already been cast when audiences had gotten used to the first actor, rather than writing the initial character out of the storyline and leaving room for a brand new character to be introduced. This will keep us from actually processing the loss of our relationship and, eventually, with work on our part, healing from it. It’s easier to trick ourselves into thinking we aren’t in pain in the short term. But our future self will thank us if we choose to do the hard work of getting over our relationship now – whether that looks like going to counseling, leaning more heavily on friends, or reading books that pertain to our situation. We Might End Up Dating Someone We Wouldn’t Have Otherwise The power of desperation is real – and after a breakup, many of us are desperate to move on, feel better, and even show our ex how “okay” we are. And often, this looks like jumping right into another relationship with the first taker we come across. Maybe we aren’t terribly attracted to this new guy, but at least we aren’t sitting at home pining over our ex. Maybe he’s not the nicest, most respectful guy, but isn’t it time for someone totally different, anyway? Maybe we have to leave out a few details when recounting our date to our friends, but that’s just because they’re extra worried about us after our breakup. A rebound relationship opens the door for new regrets, heartbreak, and mistakes we don’t need to have. When acting out of desperation, there’s a good chance we’ll get involved with a guy we definitely wouldn’t have if we were in an emotionally healthy state. This doesn’t just hold us back from healing – it opens the door for new regrets, heartbreak, and mistakes we don’t need to have. Getting involved in a relationship in order to suppress or run from something is a recipe for disaster. Our Rebound Might Feel Led On After a breakup, we’re understandably wrapped up in our own emotions, which feel all-encompassing, like a wave we can’t find our way out of. We’re thinking about how we’re hurting, what we’re missing, what we’re needing. But if we aren’t careful, we can start forgetting that the rest of the world has feelings too. The guy we rush into a new relationship with might actually already have, or develop, real feelings for us. And while, from our perspective, the relationship is a means of moving on from the heartbreak we’re feeling, he might be assuming it’s more serious and genuine on our part. Using our rebound relationship to serve our own purposes without ever stopping to think of what the other person in the relationship is feeling will create a messy, painful, confusing situation that we just don’t need as we’re trying to get over a breakup – and pass on heartbreak to someone who doesn’t deserve to be led on. Closing Thoughts Jumping into a new relationship in order to forget about our ex is so understandable. But in the majority of cases, it’s not advisable. It’ll most likely just keep us from actually healing, get us into relationships we never would’ve otherwise, and could even hurt the guy involved. Don’t miss anything! Sign up for our weekly newsletter and get curated content weekly!