My Boyfriend Won’t Post Me On His Social Media. Should I Be Concerned?

You don’t want to have to tell him to post you. You wish he’d want to. But he still hasn’t. When should you start to worry?

By Keelia Clarkson3 min read
Pexels/Mikhail Konetski

You’re falling fast for the guy you’ve been dating for a few months. He’s handsome, thoughtful, and funny. You want to yell from the rooftops about how happy he makes you, so much so that you couldn’t wait to introduce him to your friends, your family, and of couse, social media.

Posting him on your feed was undoubtedly a big step, but it also felt right to you. You wanted the entire world to know that you’re taken, that you’re falling in love, that you’re with a man you’re proud to be with. And what better way to do this than to post an adorable picture with him? But then a week or two passed, or maybe even a month or two passed, and despite you posting new pictures and stories featuring him every now and then, he didn’t reciprocate.

He didn’t post you on his social media. And you did your best not to take it personally at first (maybe he’s planning on posting me on our 3 month anniversary, you thought to yourself), but as the weeks turned into months, you found yourself feeling more and more insecure, more and more hurt.

You aren’t sure if you’re being too sensitive, or if you have every right to be upset. Doesn’t he want to show you off? When does it become concerning for your boyfriend not to post a picture of you on Instagram? How do you know when it’s crossed into red flag territory?

How Long Have You Been Together?

Everyone has a different timeline for when they feel comfortable sharing a new relationship with the world. It’s hardly concerning if a guy doesn’t post you within a few weeks, or maybe even a month or two. At that point, the relationship isn’t on a stable enough foundation to merit telling the entire world about it (and risk having to quietly take the picture down if things don’t end up working out).

So at what point in a relationship’s timeline does it become concerning? We’d say around four or five months. By this point, the likelihood is that at least one of you would have had a birthday, or a holiday would have come and gone, which are typical occasions to announce a new relationship on social media. But even if none of these things have happened within the four months you’ve been together, by this time, it should be fairly obvious as to whether or not the relationship will become a long-term one – especially considering that the three-month mark is when many relationships either transition from casual to serious, or end.

Does He Even Use Social Media?

The majority of people today are on social media in some form or another, but not everyone is. While the “I barely use Instagram” excuse is one every girlfriend doesn’t want to hear when she brings up this concern to her boyfriend, it’s worth hearing him out sometimes. Even if he technically has social media accounts, if the last time he logged in was 2019, consider letting this one go.

On the other hand, maybe your boyfriend is a casual social media user. Meaning, he doesn’t post all that often, but he scrolls through Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram pretty regularly. Or maybe he posts weekly and frequently interacts with people on his socials. In these cases, it’s totally understandable to be hurt if he hasn’t chosen to post you after a few months have gone by. 

Social media is very much a part of our lives; it’s where we share about the things we want the world to know.

If he has the time to post a picture of his buddies or like a bunch of random people’s pictures, it’s concerning that he wouldn’t want to share you. As much as he might protest that not everything needs to be posted on Instagram, the reality of the world we live in today is that social media is very much a part of our lives; it’s where we share about the things we want the world to know.

How To Bring It Up to Him

You really don’t want to have to tell him to post you. You want him to want to – the way you want to post him. But you’ve waited and waited, and he still hasn’t even hinted at your existence on his socials. Should you bring it up to him? And if you do, how?

Whether or not you bring it up depends on how important it is to you. If you really feel that you can’t get past it or find it having a negative effect on your relationship, try broaching the subject, but do it thoughtfully. Perhaps to begin with, you could suggest he post a cute picture of you two. Give him some time to post it, but if he doesn’t pick up the hint, it might be time to be a little more upfront. Try opening up the conversation by saying something like: “Hey, this has been on my mind for a little while. Why haven’t you posted me on social media? I want to understand. I’m not mad, but it’s a little hurtful.” Allow him to say his piece, but if he’s active at all on social media, let him know how much it would mean to you for him to post you. If he chooses not to listen at all, this is an even bigger red flag.

Leave Room for Differences

Maybe as soon as you mention it, he’ll start posting you, and this will have just been a passing issue. Or maybe he’ll post you sometimes, but not quite as often as you post him. It’s entirely possible that while your love language is words of affirmation in the form of social media posts, he might be showing you love in other ways that you didn’t notice or take the time to appreciate.

The ideal situation is, even if he’s not much of a social media guy, he understands that posting you is important to you. But it’s crucial to leave room for differences of personality and love language, and instead of focusing too much on how often (or how little) he’s posting about you, consider how else he might be showing you that he cares for you. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t desire to be loved in ways that are meaningful to you, but that it’s also helpful understand the various ways your boyfriend already loves you.

Closing Thoughts

So is it a red flag? Possibly, especially once the relationship has reached a four or five month mark. But before getting too worked up, ask yourself whether he even uses social media, consider whether you should bring your concern up to him, and take note of other ways he might be showing you love.

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